I am English and from Cornwall whilst my husband is German (from Hamburg). We met in Richmond so decided to get married there with more of his contingent who could easily fly to LHR, with my sisters and best friends also attending. It was a lovely intimate do at a hotel next to Richmond Park and we then had a blessing in Cornwall a few weeks later for my family and friends down there.
As has already been commented on, it is your and your husband's day and is therefore up to you how it should proceed.
This worked for us anyway, and is just an idea. You could then honeymoon on the hot beach of course!!
I echo what most of them have said on this thread - this is YOUR wedding and not anyone else's.
Well meaning friends and family will be eager to help and sometimes the suggestions will be more suitable for their own agendas (convenience etc) rather than your own. You will be surprised that weddings bring out the worst in certain people - or a side that you never thought existed before.
We always wanted a small wedding. Family and a few of our closest friends and the plan in 2007 was to hold it at the Four Seasons hotel back home. Due to parental pressure, we increased the guest list to 150 (originally, we wanted just 40-50). But wanting to please the parents and not make any side unhappy, the guest list just spiralled out of control - soon got to 200 with none of our parents wanting to back down on their list. Demands were being made by both parties parents and it just got too overwhelming that the wedding wasnt about us anymore - it was turning into a circus. The only way we could gain control of it back was to call it off.
Yup, a week before the invites were due to go out. Venue all booked. It was a nightmare, and not to say the least, messy (emotionally and financially). There wasnt anymore talk of the wedding for sometime and about a year later, me and my husband decided to elope and just do a quiet one with our closest friends. It seems harsh and cruel not to involve the parents but we know that it will turn into another tug-of-war. We just told them that we will be doing a simple civil one and will do the big she-bang (their style) down the road (we're hoping that they will cool off on that idea after a year or two). We had a magical day with 8 of our closest friends.
Alot of my other friends had the full works - beautiful manor/country houses weddings, matching napkin holders blah blah blah and they thought that I've gone out of my mind eloping up to Scotland to do it with minimal fuss. The only thing I splurged on was my wedding shoes and a gorgeous gown - I deserve that much.
My point is simple - you cant please everyone and you will never be able to please everyone. Do what you and your husband want. Invite people whom you want to see in your wedding pictures 10-20 years down the road and not wonder "who the hell is that?!" or "do you know if he/she is still alive?".
Your parents and other friends will live if they truly care about your happiness. Corny but there's truth to it. Sure, my mum still mumbles about how she was "cheated" of her daughter's wedding but the mumblings are less often now.
The wedding day is just the beginning of your lives together. Congratulations again.
thank you, this is exactly why I wanted to have it somewhere else than my country or his, because if it's at either of the places, this is what would happen. That if you ask this person, you have to ask that and of course then also that and...before you know, you have people you have never met on the list and totally stressed out as cousin number 302 just broke up with his wife and therefore cannot be seated next to anyone who took the wife's side after the break up..
I'm totally torn now. On the one hand, yes it is OUR day and if someone does not like the location or date, well too bad, we invited them so not much more we can do. Then on the other hand, we could just go to Zivilstandsamt, then book some random restaurant for dinner with parents, get it over with and fly to Tahiti..or Fiji (which would you recommend?) for the honeymoon for the money saved..not what I really want but way less stressful..
haha, yes weddings do bring up the worst political mine fields dont they?
I've never been to either places you mentioned but a Zivilstandsamt and the meal after can be just as special if you add your own touches - and i think its a fabulous idea to fly off straight after for the honeymoon, saving a huge chunk of money by not having a bigger reception - who wants to start their married life in debt because of a big wedding?
But if its not what you want, make your ideal situation happen. People just need to deal with it and those who cant understand, arent worth it.
I guess I have this to look forward to next year. I totally think it is appalling to whine about someone else's wedding. You are not being a Bridezilla!
In my experience it is not a good idea to give people any choice. People seem to accept a 'fait accompli' much better than a choice where they didn't get what they want. Even the ones who did get what they want, might have liked part of the second option - this is not just for weddings but in general, I find.
I would just arrange the wedding and they want to come (in which case they will make the date free / travel the distance / etc) or they won't.
BEst of luck and hope you can get married without too much stress.
Ask all the people you want to invite for their preferred location and date and then tell them the date and venue that you had in mind. Ofcourse you did it after due consideration to their proposals and make it sound "democratic"
People who cant attend, send them luncheon vouchers and also perhaps broadcast over the internet via the webcam, where they can dial in and "be part of the ceremony"
If the older folks complain then just say "Well, you never invited me to your wedding"
To younger critics, just say "I'll see when you will get married"
Tell everyone "it would mean a lot to you if they will attend"
Send out a pressie list, where each can tick off what they will be getting, so that you dont get duplicate gifts or something you dont need, or perhaps they can give cash.
Still anyone complains, then just breakdown in tears and say sobbing "Why cant anyone be happy for me?! Why nobody understand how I feel"
And remember. On that day, everybody will look at you. Not even the at groom so make sure you wear an amazing dress and feel fabulous. It will show! Congrats and where is a picture of the ring??
nowadays you just give your bank account number, I've heard..
But I've already told them that we don't want any presents, instead they could just drag their backsides to the named location..but no, that's not good either. Actually one of those "but you should" comments from yesterday was that we should have the wedding somewhere close so they have more money for the wedding present..(which we said we do not want)
There you go. Congratulations. You'll be seeing everyone eventually anyway. The Champagne will be better appreciated a few months down the road on your visit 'home'. Keep it simple.
No seriously, I now know why people elope to Las Vegas and other places to get married - it's a lot less stressful (well, until you tell your friends and family what you've done...).
It is your day, and the only 2 people for whom it should be as perfect as possible is your husband-to-be and you. This is one time when being selfish is fully ok and understandable.
My friends were married in LV about two years ago... originally they were going to marry in the UK, but the husband's family refused to fly from Australia and said that he lose his inheritance if they married in the UK, so they said, ok, we'll marry in Aus. but then the wife's family who are English said they wouldnt go to the wedding if it was in Aus! the couple then opted to get married in Las Vegas and left it for the folks to decide whether to go or not. As it turned out, the folks and about 10 friends made it.
However, it was probably the most emotionless wedding I have ever been to. Much cheaper for the couple granted; my husband and I probably paid more in total for what was to be our holiday there than their wedding and sadly, it wasn't the best holiday, given it was somewhere we really did not want to visit again. Still, I would not have missed the wedding, it's jsut a shame that on this occasion the bride and groom did not put much thought into ensuring the guests had a great time; they just assumed that because we were in LV, we could entertain ourselves.
Incidentally, the couple said that it was a nightmare trying to organise everything (photographer,, hotels, documents etc) from the UK, but that is probably more due to the fact that they were doing it themselves to save cost, rather than opting for an organisation that can help arrange overseas weddings.
Considering that LV hosts at least 2 different Cirque du Soleil shows, one would think that, being an adult, you could entertain yourself. Maybe it's just me and I don't need someone to hold my hand and show me how to have a good time. You already said they had a hell of a time organizing the wedding, you're expecting them to play tour guide and fun times organizers as well?
No need to make this so personal. we did of course take the initiative to entertain ourselves, but i do think that if you are asking 5 of your friends (and their partners) to travel half way round the world to be with you on your wedding day, to a place that the majority of had been to before and openly admitted was not their preferred destination, then the least you could do as a host, is arrange something fun for everyone.