As far as schools are concerned in Aarau - bullying in high school did happen to children of my acquaintances to such extend that they moved out of Aarau.
Similar stories, first hand, two sources, from Wohlen.
We live just a few minutes outside of Lenzburg with 2 kids. Our experience is that for kids it is great. Accessibility to the motorway and Zurich is excellent, local facilities and schools are top notch, very nice scenery, lots of nature and biking. OK, it is the countryside, so definitely a lot quieter than Zurich, and Aarau for that matter, but both are less than 30 minutes away. Brugg is dull and really quiet. I for one can vouch for Lenzburg.
The Lenzburg old town has lots of restaurants and cafes, even 2 Chinese restaurants, 1 Thai, 1 Vietnamese, 1 Kebab stand and even an Irish Pub. This is the oldtown:
Many expats, particularly families, live in villages outside Baden yet they are very well integrated. They have the best of both worlds, village lifestyle with the convenience of Baden. There are also nice villages near Brugg.
Looking for a 15-20 minute to Holderbank limits your options greatly, in my opinion.
Brugg is 6 minutes away from Holderbank on the S29; Aarau is 11 minutes away. Is there really that much difference in quality of family life between Brugg and Baden?
I am currently taking a course in Baden once a week at 18.00. I have to drive into Baden from Zurich, and here's a warning: at rush hour, the traffic going into Baden is a nightmare. You spend 20 minutes just waiting in a que between the autobahn and Baden city. So keep that in mind if your job doesn't happen to be located in Baden. Of course by train the connection from Baden to Zurich is great, only 16 minutes.
If you work in Zurich then Lenzburg and Aarau are also quite convenient to commute by train, both less than 30 minutes into Zurich main station. If you drive, however, count on 30 minutes from Lenzburg and 40 minutes from Aarau, assuming no traffic jam.
If there is a jam, then you can add another 20 minutes to both figures.
Yep....Baden has more going on as a town. You only have to go into the town centre to see the difference in the vibes. It is also more attractive than Brugg, which is really quite normal. Baden is a spa town and tries to make itself attractive for visitors for that reason. I'm not sure that anyone really has a reason to visit Brugg. Culturally also there is much more going on in Baden than there is in Brugg.
I can't speak for Lenzburg, but there have been several incidents of nighttime violence in Aarau which have made the papers. Of course nowhere is perfect and Aarau is bigger than Baden. I am in Aarau often for various reasons and I have never really felt the urge to hang around.
As for avoiding a more open environment so that you can immerse yourself in the Swiss culture. I would just be careful what you pray for...as someone already mentioned, in some places Aargau can be pretty heavily SVP-oriented which is not something to crow about, whether one is foreign or an open-minded centred Swiss....
Agreed: Baden <-> Zurich is a pain at peak times. Also from Baden out towards Fislisbach/Mellingen. The routes out towards Brugg (via Gebenstorf) and Untersiggenthal (i.e. northbound routes) are much better.