Switzerland moves to ban smacking

That’s not Cherub’s argument so feel free to stop shifting the goalposts.

In fact you do by reacting to my post (and indirectly Cherub’s) without excluding this point.

That’s my argument. Not hers.

If it were her argument, I would be quoting it. I’m not. It isn’t.

No. Again.

Your argument was there couldn’t be a correlation as if there were, we would be seeing this behaviour all over Europe.

I pointed out that we were. I also added that this was only a correlation and not causation.

Not sure how to make this stuff clearer to you.

It isn’t fun and isn’t meant to be. But I would imagine that most men have had physical fights school in their childhood and perhaps in adulthood too.

In discussion in the UK at the moment is the banning of verbal abuse of children.

It seems to be part of the trend of “Gentle Parenting” which apparently is doing the rounds on social media.

(I only heard the expression today so have no idea of the idea behind it).

Yes. At some point we learn by trial and error where approximately is the boundary between “rough play” and “I want to fight”. It’s a blurry boundary because some guys really like push/shove and kick while others are calmer.

I remember getting a nice push after messing around with one of the calmer guys in school. The back of my head hit the wall behind, and I saw everything blurry for a few seconds. Ahh, this guy does not like to play like the others…fine.

I also remember getting slaps in the group while everyone telling “it wasn’t me”. I had to learn to throw a punch to the closest person. Once I managed to knock down one my class mates and the slaps ended. Big accomplishment because I was smaller than my peers. No way to know if it was him or simply the others did not wanted to play anymore after the kick.

Same thing happens with words. Learn by trial and error of what can and what cannot be said …unless you want to fight.

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LMAO, what a joker.

You are neither a teacher nor a parent.

What exactly is your interest in this topic?

I personally don’t think that the rise in teenage delinquency is directly related to the ban on smacking children. There are very effective ways for parents to instil discipline into their children without resorting to smacking them.
There are multiple factors involved in how teenagers behave these days.

From a personal point of view I remember getting the odd smack on the back of my legs from my mum but it was really only an occasional thing and I probably deserved it. My dad never smacked us but he wasn’t around as much as my mum as he worked long hours so we didn’t see a lot if him during the week.

As far as school was concerned I think the mere threat of being sent to the head’s office was enough to scare us all in primary school and it rarely happened.
In secondary school the deputy head used to stride around on stage wafting his cane through the air during the first assembly of the school year and the whoosh it made was enough to scare anyone.
I don’t believe he ever used it as it would have done a lot of damage but the threat was always there.

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Not only that, one can morph into the other. Even in a controlled environment, take a football game; someone playing in a club is used to different stuff than the others, that may well lead to escalation.

My dad never believed in smacking or hitting children, he was from a family of 13 in N Ireland and I think my granny used to hit them a lot. On my maternal grandparents side it was left to my granny, she slapped her kids about with wooden spoons.
My mother was a great one for delivering a stinger to the backs of the legs usually for giving cheek. Husband’s mother once whacked him over the head with a pair of those big wooden tongs used for laundry, he was 24 at the time!

There’s a difference between a “shock therapy” and a violence. I’ve been brought back to senses by a itching slap quite a few times in my life :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: that’s an evolutionary error, as a child/teenager I couldn’t control my emotions drifting my thoughts out of a common sense, so a slap from family member, from a friend, really helped putting the mind back on track

this is literally the same as a paramedic giving a slap to an unconscious person

I’m sorry for the parents who would have to patiently wait until the tantrum of the child ends as they’re not allowed to help

Girls can also throw tantrums, but in general I agree they’re much more “cooperant”. But I don’t agree that physical correction is going to teach children of any age or gender to behave.
As a parent, you simply lose credibility - you ask composure while not being able to provide it yourself. I cannot rationalise the smacking. My mom used to pull our ears when we were naughty - even as a child I thought she was ridiculous when she was trying to act “tough”. I reacted much better when she used words and made us feel ashamed or guilty for our behaviour.

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I don’t smack them for tantrums. I let them get their energy out.

I never smack out of anger and it is administered an matter-of-fact way.

I used to think about this when I was 15-18. I think I blocked it haha. Sometimes it’s just losing control once, sometimes it’s a bit more.

But the children grow up. One day you talk with your friends about relationships, couples, singles, or multiple partners at the same time. Immediately after the gossip is about “how is he/she putting up with that kind of abuse?” Sometimes, even some slapping. Then, as teenagers asking ourselves…how can this happen? Why don’t our friend simply walks away from that idiot? Ohhh, parents not only lose credibility. They teach getting some smacking is “normal”…ohhh, pass the bottle, please. Imagine a circle of teenagers with one bottle talking about this.

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My parents were so busy and stressed with their jobs and life in general that rarely had any time left to “discipline” us, and the rare attempts of my mom’s were actually ridiculous, she just couldn’t resort to physical coercion. She often threatened to tell on us to my father, as if that was supposed to scare us or something. We still joke that we grew up as “savages”, definitely not pampered like our kids today. I knew to solve my own conflicts and carry my own “battles” at school, having an older brother definitely helped. Back in the day, parents couldn’t care less if kids were “mean” to you or other stuff we do pay so much attention to these days. All they cared about was for you to be safe, and to ask for permission for going to places they saw “problematic” - parties, trips with your friends etc.

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I used to be terrified by the wait till I tell your father bit. Back in the 70s I was caught with a friend smoking a cigarette by my mother. She assured me she wouldn’t tell my dad and I believed her, but after school next day she was out and I went upstairs to my bedroom to read. Next thing my dad banged on the bedroom door and told me to get downstairs that second so I knew she had told him. My dad was pretty stern at time as he was an ex Royal Marine and WW2 Veteran. Scared the hell out of me and I never did it again. My mum died when I was 19 and I lived at home on my own with dad for 4 years until I moved away to London, looked after him in my early 40s when he was in the early to middle stages of vascular dementia.

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I agree with giving the explanation and expectations first, but I also remember waking up, feeling really ashamed of being so “run loose” only when I received an itching slap. Well, I feel sorry for parents trying to survive the hours of amok until they can talk sense with their offspring. A slap to bring back common sense is like using ice to tame an acute fever, it just works wonders :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

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When we were bored out of our minds we did do really idiotic stuff - one time we smashed the vitrine (showcase) with a ball because it was raining outside and we though we can play a little in the living room…I mean, in which parallel universe would that be OK? :joy:
That one I remember well because my mom was really upset and she grounded us for two weeks. Not going outside to play with other kids hurt more than any “smacking” we might have gotten, I think we would have preferred that instead of watching from our windows how everyone else was playing outside. We needed a lot of physical activity, that’s for sure.
Anyway, at least we have some childhood memories to tell our kids and make them laugh and see we too have been young and silly once upon a time..