As soon as a woman does it..... Kaboom!!!
When a bloke advises his fellow man on the best age to be a dad , nobody bats an eyelid.
I will not repeat what has already been said, but I agree with the posters who said that people need to have all the facts, be aware of their options, and then make decisions. I personally dislike both extremes (career at all costs! children at all costs!) and the either/or mentality, but also the "all at all costs" mentality.
There are options available today that were unimaginable the last century, both in the career - telework, flex work, take a break and come back later, etc. - and in parenthood. Remember, folks, that physically giving birth is not the only way to become a parent.
I think some choices have to be made, but that's pretty much true for everything else in life. Those choices, including which career to enter into, which country to live in, and when to become a parent will largely be dictated by our personal priorities.
I know I was not ready - nor I wanted to - become a parent in my twenties. I wanted to study, explore, travel the world, experience.
I am ready now, financially and emotionally, in my early thirties. Hopefully, the District of Columbia social workers who are reviewing my adoption application agree with me, they will find me a match, and I will be a parent by my mid-to-late thirties. If not - plenty of ways to be a parent-like figure: I can be a foster parent, I can up my volunteering time as a mentor/big sister to my current high school mentees, the possibilities are infinite. Meanwhile, in all this, it could happen that I also have (a) biological child(ren). I don't feel like I sacrificed anything, I did exactly as I wanted to do - but was/am aware of the available options.
One of the successful women who lead my firm once said: "You can have it all. Just not all right now ."
Nanny, but seemingly same hairdresser
Too late for the edit button, I meant neopatriarchy - neoliberal neopatriarchy to be exact.
My summer reading list is longer than summer, but includes "End of Equality" by Beatrix Campbell.
As expected, there are plenty of replies to the article. I quite like this one:
Oh I like Hadley saving that for my midday break. I'm sure by the weekend Mariella Frostrup will present a balancing take and Tanya Golding and Lucy Mangan..my day would be so much longer w/o the Guardian. They would be so much less interesting if they weren't young AND educated.
Pfft. Men taking about their feelings? Bloody outrageous!
I understand the idea however i fail to see how adding 3-5 years of more education will really affect the ability to have children before you are 35! And you might just get a better job and higher income for the child to benefit from int he mean time! Not to mention the countless couples that I know that met at university.
Should have known we wouldn't get past this without the Pope's view...he can't have children legally but a cat would be a nice addition to the Swiss Guards.
It is a bit rich that a man who believes the church should control women's fertility also seeks to deprive pets of a loving home
Julie Bindel
Tuesday 3 June 2014
theguardian.com
What?!?
So that film they made me watch in 5th grade was lying to me?!
I thought it took both a woman and a man to make a baby!
yes and the woman forces the man
We might be unclear about what the Ambassadors do, but at least Natalia Brezcinski, wife of US Ambassador to Sweden is making the most of her time writing a blog....
"On the eve of my daughter’s 5th birthday, I’ve been reflecting a lot about motherhood and what it means to be a woman. Time is an unforgiving enchantress: escaping through our fingers before we can realize the gravity and magic that has slipped by us. Do we ever really appreciate anything in the moment?
Living through being a first-time mom, I remember complaining about the sleeplessness, the crying, that she wasn’t eating or wouldn’t stop squirming. Today, those are the things that make me smile the most!
At 30, my biological clock is clicking in a way that it didn’t when I had my baby at 25. My thoughts are consumed with babies, but also tinged with anxieties about balance. Scores of studies and opinion-makers say that after two kids women begin falling out of the workforce in droves. Two is the tipping point. But I also want to be a role model for my daughter and know I’m a better mother when I’m intellectually stimulated and professionally fulfilled. So what’s a woman who wants to have it all to do?
I’ve spent a great deal of my time both in Washington, D.C. but especially here in Sweden exploring and learning about the infrastructure parents— not just mothers but fathers— need to succeed. Today, both men and women want work-life balance and the young generation Millennials are calling for new ways of working and new definitions of success.
In Sweden, generous parental leave policies for mothers and fathers, and a quality daycare system for all have been successful tools for inclusion. Sweden has one of the highest per capita percentages of females in the workforce. However, participation is not leadership. The Nordic region still struggles in propelling women to the rank of CEO and low female representation on corporate boards, areas where the USA and every country in the world lags behind too.
President Obama has staked a bold leadership role in women’s empowerment through his establishment of the White House Council for Women and Girls, the passage of the Lily Ledbetter Act and his strong words at this year’s State of the Union Address:
“A woman deserves equal pay for equal work. She deserves to have a baby without sacrificing her job. A mother deserves a day off to care for a sick child or sick parent without running into hardship – and you know what, a father does, too. It’s time to do away with workplace policies that belong in a “Mad Men” episode.”
Unfortunately, in some places Mad Men biases are still alive and well. And the issue is far more complex than just maternity leave or daycare. When I first moved to Sweden, I thought that this was a mother’s paradise. I was dealing with a colicky toddler and a gnawing desire to express myself professionally, and Swedish “dagis” seemed like the panacea. Two and a half years later, I’ve realized there is no mother’s paradise. Not yet.
And it’s not just about being a mother either. For women choosing to have a family or not— a choice all women should be able to make freely without social pressure— getting ahead in the corporate world is about so much more than just balancing babies and house duties. There are unconscious biases that begin at birth outlining what women are supposed to be and not be, and how we should behave and not behave.
Challenges persist in Sweden as in San Francisco, or any U.S. city. The best way forward is to share and learn from each other. That’s why I decided to ask some successful Swedish and American women what their favorite thing about being a mother in their home country is, and what more needs to change.
Shelly Porges, former Senior Advisor under Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, leading the Global Entrepreneurship Program(GEP) at the U.S. State Department: “Being a woman in America is special both for the freedom and opportunity one has to realize one’s potential and for the diversity and resources available to support one’s dreams. As an immigrant to the U.S. as a child and a naturalized American, I am particularly mindful of this. In one generation, our family went from being refugees from Nazi Europe (mother from Germany and father from what was then Czechoslovakia), to having three college-educated offspring, all with successful careers: a filmmaker, a lawyer and an entrepreneur.
Being a mother in America is wonderful for the opportunity to expose our children to many diverse experiences. Whether it’s visiting a farm in upstate New York to pick apples, meeting your neighbors from all over the world or savoring the beauty of our many coastlines, to the east, south, north or west. Life offers a rich potpourri of ways to experience the world and children learn that there is much to explore and discover.
That said, for mothers working outside the home, we have many things to learn from other countries in terms of policies that would benefit women, men and families. Chief among these are initiatives to provide high-quality child are, after-school care and eldercare. Few things would do more to enhance the quality of American families.”
Eleanor Tabi Haller-Jorden, President and CEO of The Paradigm Forum GmbH (TPF), a global think tank and consultancy focused on creating workplaces that captivate, innovate, and perform:
“As an American, single working mother with two children living in Switzerland, I’m considered to be so ‘bizarre’ that there’s absolutely no expectation that I comply with Swiss cultural norms or standards of behavior.”
‘The expectation of a daily hot lunch at home for young children needs to go the way of the dinosaurs!’
Megan Beyer, American journalist, commentator and civic leader, and an outspoken advocate for gender equality issues (fellow diplomatic spouse to the former U.S. Ambassador to Switzerland):
“What is so special about being a mother in my country is that mothers are working so hard to give their children super enriched experiences. What needs to be changed is that mothers are working so hard to give their children super-enriched experiences. Maybe we should just take a breath, and enjoy the process in the little moments!”
Ebba Von Sydow, Swedish journalist, chief editor & successful author:
“Having my sister, and cookbook partner, Amy living in the U.S. with three small kids, we talk a lot about the differences between Philadelphia and Stockholm – services and things we sometimes over here take for granted. Of course our parental leave system, that allows me to pursue my career while having two kids aged 3 and 1, but also our fantastic nursery schools, nice green public playgrounds in the city, free health care for all kids and free dental care.”
Anna Serner, CEO of Swedish Film Institute: Best: cheap childcare and paternity leave. Worst: The long and dark period with wet and vile weather. Always too much planning and laundry!
Lisa Lindstrom, founder & CEO Doberman: “The best thing about being a mom in Sweden is that it is expected of me that my job is important. I’m so thankful to all the generations before me who has been fighting for equality and forced our society to form structures that allows woman to work on equal terms. And it is my duty to continue this fight to our future generations, not only regarding equality but also diversity.
The worst thing of being a mom in Sweden is not that bad. But to mention one thing, it is that our successful mothers, the ones who made it possible for my generation to have a career while being a mom, still are super attractive to the market. I miss having more time with the kids’ grandmothers!”
Andrea Engsall, interior designer, Swedish TV personality, author & blogger at Amelia: “Best – All the opportunities we have. From parental leave, maternity care to kindergarten and health care for the children. It is really when you become a parent you realize how great the social security system is.”
“Worst – the pressure of doing everything at the same time. Being a mother and trying to create a career at the same time can sometimes be challenging. But I think it’s not specifically a Swedish problem.”
Everything is a much smaller problem when taxes are paying for one's housing, shopping, wardrobe, travel...
Two things strike me as not being considered in that article.
1. Unlike 100 years ago, women now date for many years, until they find "the one".... Then they live together for years... And if that works out they get married. It's not like 100 years ago, find a man, get married, move in together, have kids. So her time scale doesn't add up!
2. If you're going to have a kid at 27 as she suggests, why not go to uni from age 18-21 anyway!?
I don't know why anyone is dissing this writer. Personally I think all women aged 18-21, especially those with big breasts, should get out and shag as many middle aged men as they can, which will make them very happy and feel much more empowered as a female.
I also agree that school can wait. Guys can't get back those early 20s when you could drink and party all night every night and barely have a hangover in the morning. Still having childlike judgement but adult advantages, taking big risks, getting injured, living each day to the last. Once maturity sets in the late 20s, then one can think about studying and settling with a ball and chain
Okay, don't remind me of the good old days.