Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

Visas, Permits, Passports and Naturalization
1
My situation is: I came here to Zurich work as an au pair (more like nanny) with hours I have to put up with, but don't have any problem with it (as I like to be with kids), unfortunately I'm getting beat up by 5yo kid, as I can not communicate in German yet, it's hard to explain to the parents what is going on. I was told that it's my problem and kid behavior is OK and little bruise is nothing!

I worked as nanny for 7 years (in London, Belgium, USA) but I never had problem with families or with kids. I came here to learn new language and thought with bilingual family (English/Deutsch) will do a great, plus I enjoy to work with kids. Even though I have experiences with mostly US families, my experiences are not appreciate here, as the German way of life is better(been told). Please anyone can help me out?

I'm EU citizen, F, and still in my 20's, ...I'd love to learn German and have a new experience.

Thanks

2
Honey, if the parents condone that kind of behaviour from that child then there is nothing you can do. Look for a job as a nanny with a different family.

3
You say that you are unable to communicate effectively with the parents in German. Can they understand or speak in English to you ?

4
I agree. If the parents are condoning this then, it's time to look for a new job! In the meantime, be firm with the little brat.

Good luck! I hope you find one soon.

5
okay so i'm an au pair to and im having the same problem sometimes but mine's like my top being pulled down in public and stuff like that :|

but now it's stopped best thing i done was counting to 5 and if they don't stop put them in a different room on there own but only for a couple of minutes, i mean i look after 5 children so my rules have to be so strick haha and treats work so well as well like i always buy them chocolate and if they're naughty i eat it infront of them and if they're good they get it, i mean don't get me wrong i don't mean to be a B*tch but now i don't have problems with the children

6
'Abused', 'Beaten up'?

If I'd feel physically threatened by a 5 year old, then I would reflect upon if this is really the right profession I would like to be in.

7
I hope the parents chip in with your "disciplining expenditures".

Otherwise, I can't imagine anything more efficient than eating a bar of chocolate in front of a mischievous kid.

8

all of my rules are run past the parents first just so i don't get in to trouble hahaha

9
The person you need is Nanny McPhee.

Seriously, have a movie afternoon, rent the DVD (or borrow from the www.pbz.ch library) and watch it with him.

10
1. Start looking for a new job tonight. Always have a job in hand if yours isn't going well.

2. The next time he hits you, admonish him sternly. A stern admonishment is universal and language irrelevant.

3. If he does not listen the first time, show him the back of your hand, fast and hard across the face. Not without point 1 though.

Good luck

11
It does not matter who it is, violence is unacceptable and the child needs to be taught that in the quickest and most definitive way possible. If the parents don't understand that, I agree with economisto that you should be looking for another job. If the parents back you up on the fact that violence is unacceptable, then take whatever steps you feel are nessessary to get that across, obviously without seriously damaging the kid.

Best of luck. Dealing with other people's violent kids is something that has always freaked me out as you never know where you stand legally or socially.

12
I would strongly recommend not following point 3 - you will get yourself into serious trouble.

I suggest you speak to the parents - if that fails, I suggest (as many others already have) finding a different family.

13
Schlagen ist verboten in der Schweiz

Beating is forbidden by law in CH.

14
Oh this is a bad sign from the start!! Excuse my ''wtf?'' and NO, it is not ok to have bruises from 5yrs old all the time! It may happen 1 or 2 times (maybe an accident or the beginning of abusing...) but if the problem is that serious that you have to write it here about it then you should think about having a serious talk with the kid and the parents.

If it is not working, leave. Your mental health and self esteem are very important and is no point to work for a family that doesn't appreciate you.

Now, I know what you mean, been there, done that and I learned my lesson and what I have to do. You shouldn't let yourself kicked by a child, you are the adult, he is the child, he has to understand it is not right what he is doing to you, you have to show him you like him and you can be his friend but you have to show him that he has to respect you.

The langauge is a problem- ask the parents to help you to communicate with him. Either he should tell his parents, in front of you, why is he naughty or he can tell them, when you are not around, and then the parents to tell you what he said.

Together with the parents you should do this (for the translation so that things are easier for all of you, as they are English and German speaking):

First- you have to speak to him- why is he behaving like this? what is his problem? Listen to him (eventhough you don't understand that much, at least you are there in front of him), see what is his reason, tell him he hurts you (!) and try to find a way to solve it, together.

Second- you should talk with the parents about your own feelings, you are a human not a robot! Together with the parents, you have to come up with an efficient discipline method and you as adults should stick to the method!

Then you have to tell the parents that the next time he will hit you again, he will be grounded! Learn some basic words in German like telling him he will be grounded, he is grounded and why.

In my case, the method that I applied when I was a nanny and was efficient was to: 1. Have a talk with the child, listen to him, try to solve the problem. 2. Tell him he will be grounded if he is not behaving well. 3.If he is naughty again, tell him he is grounded, why is he grounded and take him to a separate room. Close the door and ask him to stay there and think about what he's done. When he is calm, he can come out. No toys or his favourite items should be around.

If this is not working and they don't want to solve the problem, it means they don't respect you, they don't appreciate you and you should find another family to work for.

Good luck.

15
There are many ways of disciplining a child without hitting them. Inflicting pain is of course a no-no. But making the lovely little child uncomfortable is entirely a different manner, and there's so many ways. Physical restraint is a good one. Sit on their legs, pin their arms to the floor. They're allowed to get up again when they're willing to behave.

I saw this done by a child psychologist on British TV, and I've done it myself from time to time. Very effective. You can hold them down pretty much indefinitely, and they can't do anything about it. You establish control.

If, however, the parents won't back you up - give notice immediately.

16
you seem to have received alot of advice on the issue of the 5 year old. As for coming here to learn German... if you would like to learn German quickly and effectively you should work with a family who are speaking High German. The Swiss dialects are quite distant from German and it is not easy to learn German here.

If you are not happy with the family I would move on as soon as possible. The child's behaviour could be an indication of some deeper problems and it is best not to get involved unless you are sure you can handle and help him, which judging from your post does not sound like the case here. Best of luck and I hope you have success and good times ahead.

17
Hm, I honestly wouldn't do that. This could really give the child a feeling of inferiority (I'm not going into details now) and I think it is bit unfair.

You could just put the child in front of you, holding him with your both hands on his shoulders or holding his hands/palms in your own hands, but be calm and relaxed, without giving him the impression you are superior to him.

I only used the restraining method- only by keeping the child's hands/palms in my hands, untill he was calming down- when I worked with a little boy with autism. This is was the only way that worked in his case.

Child psychologists have lots of methods of discipline but to be honest I really wouldn't use some of them.

18
I wouldn't try to pin him down, since it is way too obvious, but I agree there are ways. The deadly grip, is one of them. A kid is a nightmare, he walks with me, holding hand. At all times, deadly grip, no escape. It is true that if you don't have a back up, move on. His behavior, btw, can really show what the family thinks of your services, unfortunately. Otherwise I cannot see parents who would agree with their darling torturing an aupair. They might have talked in front of him, of getting a new person, or not being on your side, undermining you, etc. Otherwise he would have shown some respect. So, no matter what, I would spare myself some energy and move on. I don't get if that is a bilingual family, why they don't understand you? Did you come here through an agency? Can they help you find a new family? Btw, I can hardly see hurting an aupair as anything legal, teachers can't get hurt, so why would nannies have to put up with this. Maybe gemeinde could help you out? Get busy posting for a new job and good luck.

19
I read it somewhere.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 4 to raise ur arm and bit*h slap that motherfu**er up his head

On serious note, try to get a new job, there is not much any1 can do, if parents r playing deaf.

20
In that case, give a little bruise to the mother and father on a daily basis. "It's OK!"

Get outta there. You'll find a new job in no time; this site alone often sees people advertising for help.

Good luck.