divorce/seperation

Family, Education, Health and Pets
1
Hi there

I married 13 years ago and moved to Bern Switzerland. Me and my husband both got Swiss citizenship. Are married life is becoming worse day by day and now he decided to quit are marriage and wanted to file divorce, he often fights and sometime physically abuses me, more over he always threats to divorce me and took are children and leave me alone, so most of the time I compromises with all this shit just to avoid losing my children, I love them second to none so I apologize him every time. My family lives in Philippines and my husband didn’t let me visit them from last 8 years. It is just because I am not familiar with Swiss laws about divorce and child custody & support and I am not a working women at present makes me think that if my husband went to court he might be considered more suitable for the child custody because he is earning and I am not... We have 2 children, elder one is 12 years old and other is 9 years old. I never worked and lived as housewife since I moved to Switzerland and my husband also wanted me to stay at home to take care of our children.... We are living in a rented apartment and didn’t own a house either...

So I was searching and found this site quite helpful after went through different treads...

Please guide me about the following questions

What should I immediately do?

Which option is more beneficial for me divorce or separation?

What are the chances of getting my children’s full custody? (Keeping in

view I am not working at present and there ages are 12 & 9 years)

Will I get any financial support for myself and any child support immediately? If yes how much if my husband is earning let’s say chf.8000?

Do I have to pay for the debts he owed to bank?

How long the whole process will take including divorce/separation and child custody?

Regards

2
Moderator's note: Katherine Wilson is not the OP's real name. Please focus any responses on helpful information for her.

To the OP: my primary piece of advice is to go and speak to a lawyer, quickly. Given the full details of your situation, s/he will answer your questions accurately. It shouldn't cost more than CHF 350 and would be well worth the investment.

3
Married 13 years, with 2 children - yep - you'll get a sizeable amount each month from him - although you may need to supplement this with some part time work.

Your best bet is to speak to a lawyer - they will run a full calculation based on the official requirements.

4
I have read on here that the Swiss normally give 50/50 custody.

The debts will be deducted from your joint assets, which will then be split 50/50 (I would think) after a divorce.

In Switzerland you have to register as separated before you can divorce. I think you then have to wait two years to divorce... not 100% sure on that time scale.

5
Links for the domestic vioence services in bern are here:

http://www.pom.be.ch/pom/de/index/di...e%2011%20e.pdf

With support from the police and women's service, it may be possible to force him out of the apartment and keep the children with you. You may not have to go to a refuge, but it is possible to do so.

The law will require him to support you, or there will be social services. Do you have Swiss citizenship?

6
She says she does but she has only lived here for 13 years so it must either have been very recent or her husband was Swiss already and she got facilitated naturalisation.

To the OP I would recommend contacting the domestic violence unit in Bern suggested by Swisspea above and ask their advice. They will probably be able to put you in touch with a lawyer who has experience in dealing with situations like yours.

7
Go see a lawyer

Impossible to answer without knowing details regarding yours and your husbands finances. Details which I wouldn't recommend you share on a forum. A 2 year separation is advisable for women who have been stay at home mums. During the separation, the pension fund pot grows and when it is split, you receive a greater pension fund. - Again - best advice is to speak to a lawyer

Custody is regulalry misunderstood. Here it's split into two. Firstly where to the children live and secondly who gets to make important decisions for the childern (school, medical etc). The children usually remain living with the primary carer. But both parents receive the right to make decisions for the children. This is often misunderstood as joint custody. But it doesn't mean the children live with each parent 50/50... although there are now some rare cases where this has happened. However, it's highly impracticle and rarely applied by the courts. If the parties agree and request this then of course it can happen.

Yes you do. The amount is dependant on the cost of living each of you have. No way I (or anyone) can tell you a percentage amount of his income that you would receive in alimony. Things such as rent, telephone costs, commuting costs etc all have to be taken into account.

Not necessarily. Most likely, if he has paid this debt in monthly installments, that monthly amount is considered when calculating your alimony.

How long is a piece of string??? If there is full agreement between the parties and the "Konvention" is signed and submitted to the court you can be divorced in as little as 6 weeks. If not.. it depends how long it takes you to agree and how long it takes the court to rule. I've seen separations and divorces taking anywhere between 1 year and 6 years..

8

Sorry to read of your problems Katherine. Hope you can both be civil to each other in the future and agree on what’s best for the children as they grow up.

There’s more info here on divorce in Switzerland and what it means financially, regarding custody of the children, etc.

https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce/

Bear in mind, as lawyerd says, that joint custody does cover major decisions in the children’s lives. So if you want to go visit your family in the Phillipines, you’re going to need his written permission to take the kids out of the country for example. It’ll be the same if he wants to take the kids on holiday with him, he’ll need written permission from you to do so.

Start with contacting the people swisspea gave you a link for and take it from there. They’ll be able to give you advice for the immediate future and help you find a lawyer to sort out the long term situation.

9
You might want to call here to get initial advice: http://divortis.ch/ It's a bit cheaper than taking a lawyer right away, though you will need one at some point of course.

I'm not sure if they speak English, but guess most Swiss lawyers these days should speak enough English to help you.

10
The courts will put the childrens interest above all else (it's their duty), and although this seems to not have happened they should (IMHO) consider the possibility that the attacker may turn on them. To me (I'm not a lawyer) that means he's very unlikely to get custody, and he may also be denied partial decision-making rights. There will be a multi-thronged procedure:

1) immediate protection. Subject to circumstances that may include removing your husband from the apartment by the police, ordering him to stay out of a given perimeter around your home, or even arrest if he refuses to obey

2) longer-term, including separation and divorce if you wanted. No idea how long that takes

After 13 years of marriage you will get a sizeable portion of his income. I would expect for you to also get financial help if the alimony isn't enough. In case of a divorce the officials will pay the alimony in the ex-husbands' stead if he fails to do so and go after him, the ex-wife is relieved from the trouble.

You have multiple options, whichever you're comfortable with is fine:

- contact a "Frauenhaus" from the 2nd link above, or go to www.frauenhaus-schweiz.ch . They will advise, provide shelter if necessary, can recommend a lawyer, etc. I don't know about costs, but I would expect them to be for free

- contact the Sozialdienst of your Gemeinde

- visit a doctor or hospital to have your bruises documented

- call 031 332 77 77 (voice recorder), the Berner police section specialising in domistic abuse. Leave a message and you'll be called back. It's probably a good idea to also mention which language(s) you'd be comfortable using

- call 117 (police emergency) in case of immediate threat

I think contacting a frauenhaus or the Sozialdienst are your best first reaction as they will focus on you and the children, the persons, not on the legal case. You should be able to get the number of the Sozialdienst of your Gemeinde from the website of your Gemeinde, the Sozialdienst will also provide temporary financial support if needed.

Be aware that if you report him to the police he will likely be prosecuted as repeated domestic violence is an "Offizialdelikt", i.e. the police must investigate and prosecute even if the victim doesn't want them to (not all victims are okay with that).

Some contacts provided by the bernese police:

http://www.pom.be.ch/pom/de/index/di...d_kontakt.html

their PDF with the most important numbers

http://www.pom.be.ch/pom/de/index/di...allkarten.html

the english PDF version is this one

http://www.pom.be.ch/pom/de/index/di...e%2011%20e.pdf

11
Thank you Urs Max, lawyerd, Medea Fleecestealer for the detailed message...

Urs Max In case of domestic violence which number should i dial first

call 117 police emergency or 031 332 77 77 (voice recorder) berner poice section???? or you suggest the above order to be followed as you written...

12
Katherine, here is the difference between the two numbers Uncle Max supplied.

If you are in immediate physical danger and need the police to drive over to where you are, right away without delay, then you should call 117. That's the police emergency number, and they will probably react very quickly, and come to you. That is the same number anyone would call if they needed the police to come without delay, to the scene of any other crime.

If you are not in danger right at that moment, but if you are in general danger, or feeling scared, or being threatened, or have been hit, or are worried about the emotional and physical safety of your children, but if it is not an urgent emergency right at that minute, then you can leave a message on the voice recorder 031 ..... This number is also the police, but a department of police which is specially educated about domestic violence.

Remember that if you leave a phone number there, so they can call you back, you should probably not leave a number that your husband might answer.

13
okay thanks for the clarification...