I have received a divorce convention from my partner.
My partner works 50% and earns 6000 net per month
I am working security 75% and earn 2500 net per month.
I work shifts and quality of life is poor but i am allowed 2 days per week when i can care for my 4yr old boy.
I am screwed , I know that .i want to be a father to my son. I know if i return to the UK my partner will not bring my son to see me and the chance for disconnection is high.
She has offered me 48 hours contact a week and 3 weeks holiday per year.
I dont believe this to be OK as I wish to have half his school holidays per year which i believe to be half of 12 weeks =6
Its clear with my crappy job that i cannot have more than 3 or 4 weeks with my son per year. But i dont want it be fixed.
next year i will quit my job and have more time i guess
in 3 years time i will quit Switzerland and buy a place on the italian border in order to maintain a relationship with my boy. At that time i want 50% of all holidays and 2 weekends per month …
I am afraid that whatever is written in a divorce convention cannot be changed if my circumstances change.
So your partner will bear most of the cost and work, and will be entitled to a child allowance. With all respect, instead of thinking about being the cool holiday daddy and other things you want you should focus on how you can financially support.
Not just your circumstances. The life of a 4 year old is a lot different to a 7, 8, 9 year old and beyond. I don’t know where you are based in Switzerland but in 3 years when you move to the Italian border, how practical will it be for you son to visit you every other weekend? What if he has engagements with friends? Club/sport commitments? School project he’s got to complete over a weekend?
How is your relationship with the mother, is there any way you can come up with a workable plan amicably? The primary concern is whether it fits in with your son.
I agree with komsomolez. Your plans are not financially viable nor realistic. If you really want to be a good father, get your job and finances sorted. Learn an occupation and grow as a person. I don’t see how you can afford seeing more of your son at the moment under the current circumstances.
The place in Italy is 2 hours from Interlaken where my son lives. I am currently 1.5 hours from Interlaken.
I have no career options as I left my professional career in London after burn out in 2013. I was a house husband in Switzerland. After the relationship failed i took the only job available which has no prospects. As a 58 year old the only option would be to start a business.
This is not about being cool. As an act of Love , Devotion and trust I helped my partner achieve her dream of having a baby at the age of 43. She is wealthy and extremely privileged. She cares not if I have a relationship with my son… She will not bring my son to the UK to visit me.
This is not about anything except a chance for my son to have his father present in his life.
Most men would walk away from a narcissistic mother but I am trying not to. But perhaps this is the only option judging by the responses.
50/50 is the default nowadays. With a 4yr old child (1st year Kindergarten) that requires both to work at least 75% (80% after age 12), the calculations will usually be based on the income such work volume brings regardless of the actual hours worked (provided the child’s needs don’t demand differently).
What that means in particular is to be seen, both for child maintenance and alimony for OP. Also, the child’s wellbeing reigns supreme, it may require OP’s continued stay in Switzerland (probably also will apply to payments owed to OP the court may find).
Time to seek competent legal counsel, OP, and don’t sign or agree to anything before that. The courts might take the convention you received into strong consideration if you agree to it.
A lot of good stuff is mentioned on here, very detailed. It’s important to rely on the recent stuff because the law and court verdicts have changed massively in recent years.
Exactly. It’s usually assumed that it’s the man who has to make maintenance payment to the ex wife but it can also work the other way round especially in this day and age.
With all due respect, I think you both are screwed no matter who gets better divorce conditions, is getting back together not an option? Maybe there are some counselling services that could help. She’s like 47 yo and she wants to start caring for the baby on her own? 6,5k for 50% is upper middle class maybe but not rich for sure.
In any case, I honestly hope you find out a way out of this situation that is the most optimal!
Wait…what?This is definitely the wrong way to prove you’re committed to your child and to an amicable divorce plan. Look for a better job, not for no job… Your wife doesn’t really look privileged to me (but she obviously affords a good lawyer as her plans are clearly in her favour), and I assume you had the child because you too wanted a child otherwise frankly it doesn’t make any sense to me. I really wish you good luck though.
Thank you for the input. I have decided to accept 48 hours per week and 3 weeks per year. It doesn’t seem fair but i have to accept that because of my dire work situation. I guess in the future if my situation improves I can request a better arrangement from the family courts ?
Your wife doesn’t really look privileged to me (but she obviously affords a good lawyer as her plans are clearly in her favour), and I assume you had the child because you too wanted a child otherwise frankly it doesn’t make any sense to me. I really wish you good luck though.