Back in the Sprachschule it was drummed into us that the salutation 'Liebe So-and So' should only be used when writing to someone with whom you are on Du terms, all other cases should be 'Sehr geehrte Frau X, or similarly formal.
But what is the proper way to address a condolence letter? When expressing heartfelt sympathy, 'Sehr geehrte Frau X' just sounds so cold to my American ears, it seems inappropriate in this instance.
The situation: I am sending a card to a neighbor, a casual Quartier acquaintance. I know the family to say hello, exchange pleasantries about the weather, definitely per Sie.
(If it makes any difference, the person I am sending the card to is in the mid 40s.)
How should I address the condolence card?
Many thanks.
These days I would only use the more formal form for official stuff.
It sounds very distant and not the impression you want to pass on on a condolence card.
If folk think I'm odd, well, that's nothing new.
Thanks Longbyt.
So would 'Liebe Frau X' (we are not on a first name basis) be OK?
Yes that's exactly what I would go with for all the reasons stated above. Liebe Frau x is respectful without being too stuffy and formal.
Use the exact same terms and phrases for addressing you would be using under different circumstances.
The addressing is used in defining / reaffirming social distance, not in communicating emotional distance (or empathy). You need to find the right words in the body of your text to address the latter.
That having been said, "Sehr geehrte Frau Meier" is neither worse nor better than "Liebste Helga". Given
the following could be appropriate (in descending order of social distance):
* "Sehr geehrte Frau Meier, ... Sie ..."
* "Liebe Frau Meier, ... Sie ..."
* "Liebe Helga, ... Sie ..." (in case you are on first name basis)
(to be followed by the Liebste and Du spectrum)
Only you can pick from that spectrum; if you made the odd (deliberate) mistake indicating that German has been all but your family's stronghold for the past five centuries, then this would defuse any potential issues, too.
Good luck!
When German is useless, go with English! Dear Frau XXX
Another possibilty would be to use
Werte Frau XYZ
It is not as formal as Sehr geehrte Frau XYZ and not as personal as Liebe Frau XYZ
HTH
EE
Check out 'werte'
hier. Mr. L thinks it is old-fashioned and I have heard it only rarely. Certainly not recently.
Unfortunately, Mr L. also thinks 'Sehr Geehrte Frau soundso' would be better, so maybe I am wrong there too. However, he thinks that the fact that you are showing your 'understanding' is more important than the way you address the person concerned. He admits that he doesn't know how ladies address each other these days so I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Is it Ok for me to say if I were in the situation where people might give me condolence cards, at the age of 40 something, I'm not sure I'd feel either way to get or not get one from someone I say hello to occasionally and I certainly wouldn't ever think to myself 'oh that's a bit distant' if it was addressed in a formal way? Difficult to know what to do in these circumstances I'm sure.
Well, then I am old fashioned, because I use the adress "Werte/r" all the time, for me it is the perfect middle way neither being too formal and not yet too cordial, especially when you are not (yet) on first name terms with someone.
And for a condolence/birthday or some such card I feel it is a good way to address someone.
Also, in the end, it is the thought that counts, as I have experienced personally on a couple of sad events in my family. It is indeed very consoling, when someone takes the time to think of you in this way, when you go through hell!