Just wondering if anyone find it challenging to get along with your mother-in-law especially if you're the WIFE.
For me, it's just never the same, or not even close as mother. I'd love my mum to stay a long time with me and with my mum-in-law, one week is always more than enough. The biggest challenge for me is that I could tell your mum off easy but can't do it to in-law as i don't want my husband to get stuck between us if there's even slight conflict.
My in-laws is a super kind person --very helpful, polite, gentle and affectionate and close to family but meanwhile a control freak. If things are not in her way or different from her understanding, (even my house rule/routine), she would try to influence it by sharing her view with me, my husband (separately or together), repeatedly discussing the subject with different angles, look into books and internet, ask my father-in-law to tell us and finally get upset if it doesn't work. She get upset in a 'nice way' --long face then don't say anything for a while then she finally get over it after knowing that she exhausts all the options of convincing us. The process really stresses us out and drive us nut ! Eg.? tiny thing about if raw meat should be put in the top shelf or bottom shelf of the fridge in order to better preserve the quality; whether there should be a clean dry cloth in the kitchen to dry up little water drip left behind the cleaned plates taken out from the dish washer; ...why I give a damn to even discuss this?!
P.S. A big credit to men --- my father-in-law is never a problem (guess same as most of the others' in law out there). He doesn't talk much and he only minds his own business, focus on beer, gadgets and good food, as long as you don't ask him to go shopping with you.
My mother in law is the sweetest person on earth and I get along with her better that I get along with my mom (please just don't tell on me). I believe I am very lucky...she is always helpful and when we lived in NL she used to help me with household chores and never made me feel like I was being a bad wife for doing that.
Boys mums always hate me (unless we're just friends, in which case they love me - or unless I met the mother first, then she will all be like "Ohh you should date my son!" - but otherwise they always hate me)
I must give off really horrible vibes, because it just never works no matter how sweet I try to be or how "myself" I am
Anyone who gets along with their partner's parents are SO lucky
lucky you. I have to say my mum-in-law did the same as you said. She is very helpful and give credit to me in managing things so well. She just likes to suggest that there is a 'better' way to make our life easier ----and here is the solution she kindly offer to us
I have had all the patient to her before having kids but now, i really don't have extra energy to take care of how much she is hurt if her 'better' way is not adopted....
Thank God my mother in law is not like that! She is very respectful of my space and the things I do (or dont for that matter). I dated a guy once whose mother always had to correct me...the worst thing was once when we were visiting his sister with MIL in the car and she had indigestion. SHe burped in my face I swear and it was so stinky I rolled down the window and she called me rude!!!
Thank God then boyfriend told her she was the one being rude burping in my face and that she was stinking...I mean WTF! LOL
when I was in high school then one boyfriend's parents hated me as well, even though they only met me a couple of times. I guess cause I was living in the countryside while they were from the city, so they thought I was not good enough for their son. Probably thought that I want to start a family straight away, you know those hillbillies, and will ruin their son's life. Or something. They were certainly one of the reasons we broke up.
I should really do the "Pretty Woman" movie scene for them, the one when the snotty shop assistanst refused to serve her - "Remember me? So, those are the degrees I have. This is what I do and this is what I earn. So I just wanted to say...Big mistake. Big, HUGE mistake"
(Luckily my soon to be parents in law like me very much and are always asking if the fiance is treating me well enough, if not, they'll have a word)
I think you should thank your lucky stars! But be careful about the assumptions you are making - it takes two to tango in a relationship and I've seen this 'good guy bad guy' scenario played out many times. Perhaps if your FIL was more responsive, your MIL could relax a bit more too. They've been married a long time, and as my aunt used to say, it's not easy being married to a saint. It's a question of balance and the way one person behaves may be causing the behavior in the other. If you give him the credit, my guess is she will try harder to 'impress' you. Perhaps be a bit more assertive and try and appreciate what she is trying to do and as long as she is reasonable, just be grateful you are on speaking terms!
I probably wouldnt use the word "challenging" for my situation simply because we are living in different continents.
If we were closer in proximity, I probably would. The MIL has never warmed to me. Civil and polite yes, but never the way she treats my brother in law, who is also related to the family just by marriage, amongst other things. Doesnt really bother me much because like I've said, we dont live in the same country, plus I already have a mum. Dont need another
Muffin, Are we sisters in law? LOL I have the same kind of problem with my MIL.
She made a big fight before my daughter was born. She wanted to give her a name. I refused it. I choose my daughter's name years ago and she tried to force us to take hers...
She screamed, cried, threaten us... She finally got over it and she loves my daughter's name... But I am telling you, it was a drama!
I seem to be getting along fine with the MIL, as long as I don't see her too often, once a quarter is just about enough... living about 1000km apart helps too...
Thats just plain ridiculous. she's had the opportunity to name her own children, why insist on naming her grandchildren too? Some people Glad you and your husband stuck to your guns Nil.
I think what complicates the relationship between MILs is also how big a mummy's boy your husband is and how willing he is to stand up for you. I've heard of too many horror stories from friends whose hubbies just hide their heads in the sand and leave them to battle the wicked witch alone.
I would guess it something to do with our educaion. Women have more difficulties to accept an other woman than OUR mom to tell us things. It is also something to do with competition?
I think guys don't care tha much. As long as his wife, his mom and his M-I-L are happy, he's fine.
It something to do with her culture. The grand-parents give the name of the children. She gave plenty of names to her many grand-children. I tols her why should I give the name YOU choose over the name of MY parents, for exemple. She couldn't argue with that. At the end, yes, I did stick to my name (my husband loved that name too). I didn't want to begin a trend to always give her what she wants. Because it gets more and more when th get it.