like i said, if you havent already, chart your BBT, and it will make your life alot easier.
With my first pregnancy i didnt even have to take a test, the temps spiked and remained high for 10days, all the confirmation you need is given by your body!
Carlos, the funny thing is that sometimes those who are looking to conceive, do not even ask for advice but get it anyway .
Do this, do that, some of it is helpful and I listen to it but most of it is full of CR@P!
As a responsible person trying to have a family and a researcher, I have researched and read on causes and treatments and the like to be able to make an informed decision about how to go about my problem...my point of view is if you are asking otehr people who really are not acquainted with the science of babymaking (and I am not being sarcastic here) then you are not serious enough and just looking for excuses...
Even with normal fertility, and regular sex at optimum times (with each other, of course), it can still take months or longer.
This is exactly what I did before we got married as we didn't want to be too old as 1st time parents. (32yr when 1st child born)
Knowing your body doesn't take time - 2 minutes each day. If they want to have children then surely you take the time, work on figuring out you BBT and commit to providing your future children with love and security.
As Carlos intially said it's not that hard (no pun intended ) to get it sorted if you want it!
Sounds like a really rare case that you are sharing here Carlos. Most couples I know who are trying conceive have been nothing but conscientious about preparing themselves for the process - the woman starting to eat better, stepping up their bedroom activity etc etc.
Contrary to popular belief, common sense really isnt that common - regardless of your educational level and type of job you have.
It's not that rare. I've known a few like this. Maybe the same one's as Carlos.
In that case most of Scandinavia could not possibly reproduce... but maybe if you mix alcohol and sauna the effects cancel each other out?
Maybe, but judging by some other comments, not that rare.
The problem, I think, is that people don't appreciate what, for example, it means to "eat healthily". They read it and think "Oh, I must eat better, so I'll have a small bit of cheese to my usual dry cracker and glass of water lunch.".
Ab-so-bloody-loot-ly...
Then guess who suffers if they actually do fall pregnant? The poor unborn child. If the woman is that selfish and stupid not to think about the health of their unborn child because of her diet choices, then she will just have to face the potential consequences. Sounds harsh I know but you cant help people who dont want to help themselves.
It's very well documented that a great majority of couples with difficulty getting pregnant, when interviewed by medical staff, have very infrequent sex.
How frequent is infrequent ?
Carlos, I think those are quite simple for someone to fix in their mind, quite tough after a pattern of living is established.
> Maybe it is really hard, after years of NOT eating in order to "force" oneself to realize it is not only "okay" to eat but optimal to include some of the "bad" things in with daily intake. "Oh no! Fats are bad, can't have any fat, either in mouth or on body!" - while the truth is, a healthy woman (I'm too fat, I have no problem admitting it ) should be at the middle-to-upper "acceptable" range of BMI, not the lower edges, not if she wants to conceive. To put it in a simplistic way easy to picture - you should NOT be able to count your ribs just by sight - fat helps with estrogen retention and production, as long as it is not too much fat.
> Also, years of (for whatever reason) behaving as if sex isn't an important part of a relationship, it is probably hard to make having sex a habit. I imagine it is tough for couples with this pattern to make it seem like something, well, sexy, rather than a "job" to do in order to have a baby. The mind-set is the problem I think, after all, when one is tired, who wants yet another "task" to do?
> So far as the relationship goes:
I think that this also is a thing that requires "break of habit" - I guess it is "western culture" (I'm not sure what else to think) that stresses so much to have independent lives, even while being married, that it is hard to get into a habit of being that intertwined in each other's lives, even as a couple.
This is one area where I think that education / financial status is actually a disadvantage to some extent. People with less money (which typically means less education) are very very dependent upon each other - whether it is a romantic relationship or friendship, blood or marriage that form the ties. So, the less-well-off tend to have more time together - which means also more opportunities for personal time together which can lead to sex.
> Finally, about the cycle part.
This one is tough for me to think about as after years of thinking I couldn't, then seemingly easily becoming pregnant here, we've been tracking to try NOT to until I can recover enough emotionally to risk another loss (and until I figure out if hubby really would settle alright into a dad role).
One of the things that helped figure the cycle though was a visit to the gyno with an inter-uterine ultrasound to see up "close and personal" what's going on with follicles and egg formation. This is a hard thing to deal with, it's not terribly comfortable, it is very invasive (although no cutting involved) and over-all, less than pleasant. Although we see pictures of everything being in it's right place, this isn't always the case, so sometimes there is a bit of "digging around" to find where the ovaries actually are. BUT, and I can not stress this enough, BUT it can be a very useful thing to do, no matter what is going on "down there" anyhow.
I imagine that this, in conjunction with the BBT helps. Neither though, are very conducive to feeling sexy (in neither the desiring nor the desirable senses) unfortunately.
So, as a friend, while you can't help with the last bit, for the first couple you can maybe help in an underhanded way.
Send indulgences that she will find hard to resist - and convince your friend the same. Also, encourage your friend to maybe buy some clothes for his sweetie that is a size too large and take her out to eat, insisting she wear the outfit. This is a "trick" used by "feeders" in order to get their current partner to eat more.
The next is sort of two-pronged... get your friend to go on a cruise (or other vacation) with his sweetie to do something which encourages langorous luxury. Lots of lazy time spent together, indulging in being nearly naked and rich food... and "everybody" doing in (both the being nearly naked part AND the eating rich foods part). The pleasuring the senses will hopefully lead to more sensual pleasuring, thus, helping them to get on with it.
WHILE THEY ARE AWAY, stock their cupboards with (some of) the things that will remind them of this luxurious lazy vacation. Put things in the bedroom that will help remind them of their slinky time away, to help carry on the mood after they've returned.
That's all I've got for now, thinking of these lazy indulgences has me hungry for lunch (I've not eaten yet) AND reminded me that I need to clean the kitchen.
I like the thread, I don't have much to add myself since falling pregnant both time was as easy as sneezing....
But I want to say, when I saw the title in the complaint corner, I thought:
What the hell you want to complain about preggos.... I put my sleeves up and was ready to jump in the fight...
Moral of the story?
Please, get that baby out of me, I am very very hormonal!
if you are asking, it is infrequent...
My wife is a good catholic, every time we have sex, she gets pregnant.
We have 2 children....
I shall look upon you differently when we meet next, you sneeky underhanded person you...
To the OP:
I am not sure if I understand your rant, honestly. You are somehow implying that people that are into conceiving their 1st kid haven't done basic homework?
There may be two-three underlying shades of gray that you are forgetting here:
Confusion:
when looking for advice, you usually receive many. Most of those advices are useless, yet people are known to listen desperately to any possible advice especially when they can't control the situation. Clairvoyants and similar fortune-tellers are visited by many, especially people who desperately need reassurance.
Embarrassment:
in a lot of cultures (including typical western culture) discussions about 'things that happen in bedroom' are taboo. You may not feel it, but to many many people it is rather embarrassing to discuss it.
So, to your question "how many times you do it" the natural way to avoid immediate sense of shame is to say 'well, you know. sometimes....well, haha...". etc. OP, honestly, how many times you've called your parents to talk about the latest best ever night you had with your spouse? Why haven't you, they are the closest people you have on this planet?
Further, the sense of embarrassment and shame is amplified by the failure to conceive, therefore a strong self-awareness kicks in when this topic is on the table.
Culture:
in a lot of cultures any kind of dysfunction regarding fertility is associated with shame. Also there are lot of pressure put on women to be fertile (even among peers, then from moms and MILs). You just can't dismiss it all.
Your rant is parallel to the healthy person saying to someone with a clinical depression: "Oh, c'mon, that is nothing. Get a few beers and get over it, will ya?". Life's not that simple, (un)fortunately.
Cheers!
I think you don't. No, he's not implying that, if you read the caveat carefully.
Less than twice a day and three times on sunday.
Thanks for the heads up,then I am definitely on the infrequent side
will ramp up sooner or later!
If you meant your rant about regular folks who are basically having sex for a long long time (I mean frequently and years ) wishing to have a kid and wonder why it does not work, when they do not really think about food, healthy level of physical activity, cycle, BBT and other shticks, like the fact they are 45 years old and that this generation onwards will definitely start facing some critical problems with fertility, then I completely get you. I mean, there are girls who fear their partner seeing tampon box, would never ask for that fabulous big O and pop hormons that fake menopause so they wouldn't have to inconveniently ovulate.
Richer the country and culture is, lesser the concern of prevention and consequences. Why inconvenient the public? That was my gripe, and I think we are actually talking about the same ugly attitude.
But it is like with anything else, isn't it. So you move here and just wait for somebody to knock on your door and give you a permit and all the info on how to live here. Or you sign up in EF, don't even say hello, troll and ask....where is the brown suga, hahahah, I only have 135 000fr to buy it with. Ok.
I better go.