help ! how to deal with baby crying

Family, Education, Health and Pets
21
Hi,

Almost from the day we got our 10-month-old from the hospital we started to establish routines for feeding and sleeping.

We generally start his bedtime routine at about 6:30am with a snack (a bit of banana mixed with baby cereal and a bottle). We then play quietly with him for a bit or read / chat to him. Then one of us changes his nappy, puts him in bedclothes, brush his teeth (okay gums) then put him into bed and read him a story. I always try to finish just before he nods off as I think he should do the final bit of getting to sleep for himself.

If he does wake in the night, we try to pick him up only as a last resort, so we'll check if he is wet, if not put his dummy in - and nine times out of ten then gets him back to sleep. If not, just try various things like a drink of water, teething gel if necessary etc. If he feels warm maybe take his temperature. Most of the time he sleeps through to morning - though sometimes he might wake up after what I imagine is a bad dream or so.

We had a phase a month ago where he had a succession of bugs from the Kinderkrippe and he was waking up more than usual so in this event we picked him up and comforted him. This meant when he was well again, he developed a habit of waking at 3am and not going to sleep again.

We decided to take matters in hand, i.e. if he woke up and we had done the usual checks we would just let him cry a bit and try to minimise visiting his cot. After a couple of nights he was back to his old routine again.

It is absolutely heart-rending as a parent to hear your baby crying - but in the end we regained our sanity and we have a happy little lad who brings us much joy.

Also, coping with these situations is a lot easier if there are two of you around to take turns with looking after baby. Is your husband away a lot? Is there no way he can minimise the trips he makes? Also, have you thought about taking your baby to a Creche a couple of times a week (even if you are not working).

Cheers,

Nick

22
She will eventually grow out of it- my daughter did it too in the evening- we called it "cranky-o'clock". Like clock work she would cry. Years on I put it down to me being tired, trying to get dinner on, trying to get everything done (I was working) and she just cotoned on to it.

I also had the same problem as you being isolated- it is frustrating and tiring being alone. My solution was simple- when husband was around (he travelled alot) I would go off and spend a night in a hotel! It was a battery recharger- of course I called them to see how it was going, and felt a bit guilty; but it was the only way for me to make it.

She is now, 12 and there is no more "cranky-o'clock", its now "all day-ya-never-know-when-pre-teen-crankyness-is gonna-hit-ya".

Be reassured, she wont cry forever, it will mutate into someother behaviour!

23
My kid's only 5 weeks old, but there are times when he cries and cries and the only thing that will work is putting him in a sling and rocking him to sleep in it. Mostly it seems he gets wound up and can't get to sleep, even though he's really tired. Don't know if that helps any, I know it's so tough and I really hope it gets better for you!

24
Cakes & cookies & pie, oh my! If they are home made I'm there...

Not the car though, I don't think I'd like a home made car!!

25
I think I just found another reason to start trying for another baby!

This looks like a seriously good device. Will try if there'll be more family one day.

26
Thank you so much for all the replies.

I could hardly give compliment to any particular one because most of the advices are very wise and useful. More importantly, now I know 'i'm not alone'

Special thanks to Minimia though...thanks for offering on babysitting. That's very sweet of you.

Actually it would be very helpful if anyone could really recommend me a GOOD BABYSITTER around Pully/ Lausanne area. I have been looking for one since long ago but not successful. I was told that the best option is that the babysitter is known by someone who used her before...of course, English speaking is preferred.

p.s. nice to see the joke in related to my log in name it's actually the name my husband and I pick for our 2nd cat. We have one now and is planning to have another one 5-6 years later. a pretty advance planning for the name, isn't it?

27
Hi

You have my total sympathy. My daughter had colic which went on for 5 months – even though people and doctors will tell you it only lasts for 3. There was a good 8 hours of it every night. She had normally started by the time I got home from work and my partner would pass her to me. At least we had each other to take shifts on this. A lot of things worked – like driving (which becomes unsafe after weeks without sleep) walking around the block (for hours on end), bouncing on a Pilates ball. One of the better ones which worked most often was to put on a Baby Bjorn sling and then dancing – four or five albums minimum.

To be honest you just have to remember they are not doing it to taunt you or punish you or for any other reason like that.

As for wanting to kill them to shut them up – we all feel something like that, the 'for God's sake shut up' feeling. The best thing you can do is put the kid in a cot and walk away, have a cup of tea, and probably listen to some music with the headphones on. You may think you are being mean and neglecting them but when you reach the end of your tether that is the best thing you can do.

It will last forever – but it will get better and less frequent Our girl, who is now 18 months, goes to sleep quite well now. She still has her moments but is a sweet loveable child.

Baby 2 is due next week – please don't let her have colic

Take all the help offered and breaks when you can.

Good luck I wish you some peaceful evenings soon.

Seth

28
I feel that sums it up rather nicely, the only thing that I can think of to add to all the other good advice given is,,, try and relax, together with your little person, maybe have a nice warm bath together, most babies love warm water and to be in it with Mum or Dad, well, that is probably as close to heaven as most babies could wish. maybe make that the beginning of the daily/nightly routine?

It's a spiral effect really, Mum/Dad is tensed up (understandably) due to lack of sleep etc. this can convey itself involuntarily (through tone of voice and stiffness, for want of a better word, of your body when holding crying/screaming baby), which, to a sensitive little being, who can sense that all is not right with you and, as you are basically their whole world, then that means their world is at odds, resulting in an even more tensed up babe and the (seems like it at the time), never-ending protest in the only way they know how.....

So it's to find a way that can break the cycle, use whatever resources or tricks you can think of to endure this "phase".

I'll be honest here and tell you that when people would use that particular word to me, I could happily have spat in their eye, especially as, no sooner would one particular "phase" go by the by, another one would soon take it's place, only to told ,,, again, "It's only a phase they are going through"....

Even though it's quite true (I'm pretty sure you won't be worrying about colic when she's twenty ), just used to get on my nerves as that seemed to be the standard response I got to, well, pretty much everything!!!

Anyway,

peace and light to you Muffin and all the Mums and Dads out there going through the sleepless nights " phase ", it'll be over sooner than you think and you'll all be able to enjoy the coming summer ( whoop whoopy dooo! ), please to the Gods, that it will be a long and hot one this year, take care all, you're doing a great job, never forget that.

Ros

29
It's interesting for how many babies the hammock/sling/walking/dancing/rocking/solution works. For me it backs up the theory that babies find life outside the womb pretty frightening, and anything that puts them back in that cocooned warm, humming place calms them right down. My kids are 2 and 4 now, and they still express fear by crying.

30
It's hard hearing a baby cry, and babies are often very unsettled in the evening due to wind. If not all the wind comes up after each feed during the day, in accumulates in the stomach and gives them pain in the evening. I believe babies DO NOT cry or scream for no reason, therefore as a mum of two, I have never just left them to 'cry it out'. Crying often causes babies to gulp down MORE air, which only makes the wind worse. As others have said, try fennel tea - it helps the air to come up. Also, try putting baby in a sling. I carry my 3 month old around in a ring sling all day and I wouldn't be without it. For the air to be dislodged you need to keep the child moving, not lying stationary in a cot or car seat, and carrying them around strapped to your body keeps them moving with you, and it also keeps your hands free to get on with other things (dinner etc). And with your body taking all the child's weight you don't have to worry about aching arms! Babies are often so calm snuggled next to you, and it feels lovely for the mum too!

If our little 'un has got trapped wind we find lying her on her back and lifting her legs up until they are gently pressing against her stomach, then lowering them again repeatedly helps make her more comfortable, or putting some music on and dancing around with her.

Don't worry, this cranky stage shouldn't last too much longer, as they start being able to burp more easily on their own from about 5/6 months.

31
At 51⁄2 months have you started the baby on solids or is she still mainly on milk? She might be hungry. During the evening you could make up a small feed of something easily digestible. I use Hipp oats with banana - easy and quick to prepare and might just be the "comfort food" she needs.

Also, I found that fastening the baby in a BabyBjorn (or similar) then wandering around the flat doing "boring" tasks like folding washing soothes the baby sufficiently to put her back in her cot.

One other tip is to invest in a CD with childrens songs. The gentle beat and cute music tends to grab their attention and acts as a diversion.

Good luck and I hope you get some rest and relaxation soon - I can really feel for you.

32
I disagree with this - I believe letting a baby cry CAN do a lot of damage to a baby's sense of self-worth. A baby cannot understand why you will respond to its cries sometimes, and at other times ignore them! Crying is the only way a baby can communicate. If you ignore this communication then the baby has nothing. A baby who is left to cry and stops crying after a while does so, not because he is suddenly happy again, but because he has lost faith in his ability to communicate with you. Leaving a baby to cry it's eyes out does not feel right for the baby, and does not feel right for the mother. So why do it?!

Also, I believe that a baby cannot be 'held spoiled'. That is a very old fashioned idea. Baby's NEED to be held a lot. It is natural for them to feel insecure when alone, as prior to birth they have never been without physical contact with the mother. Just as they have had constant physical contact before birth, so they should after. I carry my 3 month old around all the time as it is the best way to keep her happy. I did the same for my 2 year old, who now feels so safe and secure, is very happy, and independant - not clingy at all - bacause she got the physical contact she needed when very young. Limiting physical contact and letting a baby cry CAUSES clinginess and insecurities later on.

This is only my opinion, personal research and experience. It is just one method of parenting ('attatchment parenting') and I know different methods work for different parents. I do not wish to offend anyone!

33
Very good posting, Mrs Boris! Babies are meant to be held and they always cry for a reason, even if that reason is just for a cuddle and to hear mum or dad's voice reassuring them.

Our little guy was cuddled the whole time he was tiny and we carried him around most of the day in the BabyBjorn. Now he is 16 months old he still comes for his cuddles, but he is also happy to wander around the flat and find things to amuse himself with knowing that I am just a "Maaamaaa!" away. He's also one of the most independent babies in his nursery and waltzes off as soon as I can get his slippers on when he arrives. No clingyness whatsoever.

Speaking from personal experience, it would have torn me up inside to leave that little fella crying in his cot all alone.

To the OP, I know extended crying is tiring and upsetting but try not to let it get you down and if you are worried at all, go and see the baby's doctor - you never know, it might be something as simple as a bit of earache which gets painful towards the end of the day.

34
Hi! Truly sympatise with you. As mummies & daddies, we all have to go through this untold phase of sleepless nights, worries, ear-aching cries (or screams), teenage mood swings, slam doors etc. I agree with Mrs Boris that babies need to be held alot. But when you're alone at home with chores to do, you can't be holding on to him/her at 5 months plus on a baby sling (unless very young) always. There are times when one needs to just "switch off" for our sanity sake.

My boy is 8 month (going 9 in 2 days) and he cries whenever he can't see us nearby, wants to sleep, hungry or just plain cranky. He used to cry due to colic or wanting attention. But one day both of us just had it and we left him to cry for 45 mins in his bed!! Then the next day he cried for 30, the following 15 and now just 5 or not at all. What we did was cuddle him, tell him stories and hum (can't sing!! ) him to sleep. But he wakes up within mins when we tried to sneek out of the room!!! So now we still hum, tell him stories and cuddle him but explain to him why he needs to sleep (even though he can't seem to understand us but its still communicating with him right?).

He used to want to eat in the middle of the night from 1th till 7th month old. But eversince we start solids at, he seems to be holding well from 9pm till 7am (feeding time between 6:30pm to 7pm). May be you can try to feed your baby a little later than normal time? Or may be your little one is going through the growth spurt phase, which might explain the mid-night feedings?

Things WILL GET BETTER!

35
Hi! Truly sympathise with you. As mummies & daddies, we all have to go through this untold phase of sleepless nights, worries, ear-aching cries (or screams), teenage mood swings, slam doors etc. I agree with Mrs Boris that babies need to be held alot. But when you're alone at home with chores to do, you can't be holding on to him/her at 5 months plus on a baby sling (unless very young) always. There are times when one needs to just "switch off" for our sanity sake.

My boy is 8 month (going 9 in 2 days) and he cries whenever he can't see us nearby, wants to sleep, hungry or just plain cranky. He used to cry due to colic or wanting attention. But one day both of us just had it and we left him to cry for 45 mins in his bed!! Then the next day he cried for 30, the following 15 and now just 5 or not at all. What we did was cuddle him, tell him stories and hum (can't sing!! ) him to sleep. But he wakes up within mins when we tried to sneek out of the room!!! So now we still hum, tell him stories and cuddle him but explain to him why he needs to sleep (even though he can't seem to understand us but its still communicating with him right?).

He used to want to eat in the middle of the night from 1th till 7th month old. But eversince we start solids at, he seems to be holding well from 9pm till 7am (feeding time between 6:30pm to 7pm). May be you can try to feed your baby a little later than normal time? Or may be your little one is going through the growth spurt phase, which might explain the mid-night feedings?

Things WILL GET BETTER!

36

The baby hammock is a cool thing to have when babies aren't in the getting up & about by themsleves stage. But honestly when baby is heavy or is able to crawl or get up by themsleves, it can be very dangerous. My niece fell from the hammock, she was 6 month old. BTW how come baby hammock is so darn expensive here? Ours back home (Malaysia) cost less then CHF100.- (slightly more for the electronic ones though)!! And we've been using hammocks for more than 5 decades, while its only popular here in recent years....

Just my 2 cents worth

37
Muffin, as you will now have probably gathered, ask any parent how they deal with their baby, you will get a myriad of different answers on their techniques on how to best cope. The thing you need to bare in mind with all of this is you will always do the right thing for your baby, even if that means walking away long enough for the feeling of hurting it, because of the helpless feeling you are experiencing, passes.

Please do not let people's comments about how to attain the perfect non-crying, non-spoiled, little angel make you feel in the least bit guilty. Once you are not so stressed and tired you might think of trying other strategies to cope with your little one.

My best tip was my slow cooker what a great gift, meals prepped after babie’s morning feed saved a lot of hassle when they most demanded my attention around dinner time. But don't put too much pressure on yourself to be supermom and wonderwife!

But seriously, as someone who had 3 kids under 5, I know being rational and thinking outside the box to find the answer is no good and hearing the stories of how to attain the "perfect" baby does nothing for your confidence, when you're feeling the biggest failure for not being able to do something as fundamental as soothing your most precious person. All babies are different, I had one, that no matter what I did, I could never sooth, and one that slept for England, even had to be woken up to feed him! It is just their temperaments and just the way they are and nothing at all to do with my parenting style.

Taking time out on the balcony, while they are safe, to get your head together for round 2 of battle of the gripes, is imho the best solution of the moment and long term try some of the other posters great tips but if they don’t work, don’t worry.

Good luck and well done for venting your wrath here and letting off all that steam!

38
I don't really feel that anyone that has posted on this thread has ever tried to suggest that there even is such a thing as a perfect baby, let alone professing to having the magic formula to achieve such a thing.

More, they/we/I /you, responded to Muffins obvious distress and all offered various ideas/thoughts/tips to try and help her out in this tough time, particularly as like many of us, there are no family members close by or that dear familiar network of friends to rely on, we all sympathise and at the end of the day, all do our best.

Some of what has been written will mean something to Muffin or not and I have a feeling she well sees this and takes it as such.

We all have our different opinions but the main point I think is just offering some solidarity, letting Muffin know (small comfort that it is) that she isn't the first and won't be the last to go through these times.

It's a nice thing I think, i sure could have done with something like this when my kids were little, even though they both weren't Colicky (Oh my god, what a rotten fake!!) but if it wasn't that it was something else and just to make it perfectly clear, they weren't and still are not perfect,,,, but I love 'em to pieces anyway.

Ros

39
I don't think ANYONE on this thread has made the OP feel guilty and I certainly didn't read one post where the parent claims to have "the perfect non-crying baby". Most have empathised and passed on the benefit of their own experience. The OP posted her original message asking for people who have been in a similar situation what they did to soothe a baby.

She's a great mum who is going through a rough time and she will be able to pull any bits of of the diverse advice on here which she feels will best suit her baby.

40
I see you have already plenty advice offered by others, so I will not offer much more. As a mother of two children who have been crying a lot for three years now for no apparent reason, and with whom we tried the BabyBjorn and rocking and routines and talking and singing and even leaving to cry it out a bit, I can only say that I emphatise with you.