help ! how to deal with baby crying

Family, Education, Health and Pets
41
Hi Muffin,

I am in similar situation. My babies the same age as yours. Only she was extremely colicky till last month and is settling down slowly now. The evenings are still bad although she has a better routine during the day now. I have started her with two solid meals. She loves apple banana and carrots

Things which have helped with my sanity

1. The Graco baby door swing

http://www.gracobaby.com/products/su...17+558&act=A20

2. My rocking chair( my most cherished item), I sing to her and soothe her on it.

3. Baby einsteins DVDs( these were given by a friend and are working wonders).

http://www.babyeinstein.com/en/

4. When she cries non- stop I have tried holding her on her tummy on my forearm and swinging her while making funny sounds, and she starts laghing

5. She loves to be massaged and sucking her toes, also she likes my blowing bubbles on her tummy and her soles. It tickles her a lot and she starts giggling ( even in middle of her crying spell)

So hang in there.

42
My boy had two separate problems at different stages. The first was trapped wind. I think I read somewhere that a babies intestines are not fully developed at birth and so trapped wind causes them real pain.

The second problem was a recurring middle ear infection that would always start at bedtime. This is because more pressure can build up in the inner ear as soon as the baby lays down or becomes inactive.

Both cases cause the child serious pain and simply leaving them to cry it out is not going to help and will potentially cause more distress to the child. I also agree that, with some kids, it is more of a routine. But usually three or four minutes is all it takes for that kind to give in.

All the best.

43
I have to agree with Mrs Boris. As a fellow "attachment parenter" I do not think letting the baby "cry it out" is a good thing to do at all! Not for mom and definetly not for baby.

My baby has just grown out of the baby bjorn so if you would like to borrow mine I am happy to bring it around with some cookies whilst you put the kettle on. I am now moving up to a sling which will allow me to carry my baby on the hip. Also I do have the number of a reputable baby sitter if you want to pm me for it. She has experience with babies too.

I am happy to come around and perhaps share my books, baby carriers, baby entertainment, dvds, and advice (I have three children so hopefully have learnt something along the way ) with you as I am close by.

Just one thing, remember that they are only little for a very short time. This phase will pass and you will look back on it and smile. When the days are hard with the children I just remember that it will all pass soon and they will be all grown up and I will wish them to be babies again. Enjoy it all, the good and the bad times.

44
You only think that because you have never met my son . There were times I was sure he just cried because he enjoyed it! He as such a condridiction to the 'normal' patterns of a crying baby, sometimes the more we tried to comfort him the more he would scream, leaving him down beside me was often the best solution, but at 7pm bedtime we would do his routine & he would be asleep without so much as a whimper most nights & slept through at 9 weeks. He was like a cantancerous old man (think Victor Meldrew) until the day he decided he could walk then his entire personality changed to being the funniest, cutest little guy. Now at 20 months he is confident, happy, fiercly independant and talks away in English & Swiss German. I guess what I am saying is that they are all individuals and we have to work out what they need on that basis, my oldest is the complete opposite of his brother; rarely cried & loved being held.

45
It's amazing how they are all different isn't it? You're quite right, I fully appreciate that what works on one child will not work on another, just like with adults. In the past people used to think that when babies were born they were completely free from any personality, like a blank piece of paper, and that personality was something that was aquired after a few months. I think most people would agree that's not the case! I knew my second baby was different to my first before she was even born!

I recently read a good explaination as to why babies cry so much. Babies feed a LOT, whether it's milk, solids, or both. All this food gives babies a LOT of energy, but they don't have the physical ability to move around enough by themselves to expend all this pent up energy. So they use up all this stored energy by crying and screaming. This may explain why your son was so much happier once he started walking. The best way to help out a baby before they can move around enough by themselves is to carry them in a sling. This way, a baby can expel energy because they are moving with your body, as you are doing simple things such as walking.

I sometimes wonder if babies don't like being babies, as they always seem to perk up once they learn how to crawl and walk!

46
I must say, I am astonished. It is a pity, I am not English speaker and cannot express properly what I felt when I read some messages on this thread.

First of all, Muffin , I really and fully simpathyse with you, I am exactly in the same situation as your. My baby is now 17 months old and she always had too much energy, I ́d say, she cannot stop. Since she was born, she's been more or less like that, she cried in the very moment I put her in her cot, so I used to have her always in my arms and then in a holder, this is all what she needed. I ́ve always been also quite alone with her since we live far away from our families, so I know what you are going through. It has been very hard some days, BUT I NEVER, EVER, LET HER CRY. N E V E R. We, as parents, MUST take care of our child.

I have clear, this is a baby and I am the adult and this is only a phase, one of you said they are frightened, of course they are!!!! They need to be with you, to smell you, skin-to-skin, if possible, and they will feel reassured and "safe".

According to some of you, "shut the door", or "listen to music" is a good advice.

Have you ever tried to put yourself in your baby ́s shoes??

Do you know about RESPECT for people?

Would you like that your husband, your mom, your friend etc. let you cry or do not hug you when you need it????

Do you happen to know the side effects of letting a baby cry?

Do you know it is not compulsory to have a baby?????

Time flies, maybe on day you are 90 and are crying in a nursing home and your son/daughter comes and tells you that you are fed and warm and then shut the door and let you cry alone. You will know then how it feels!!!

Of course they do not cry anymore after the second day, they are sure, they cannot count on their parents to come and hug them.

Muffin, send me a private any time you need to talk, hug your baby, dance with her in a holder, you will never regret not having ingnore your baby.

47
errrrrr Trollope, you do know that you can also be too attentive to your baby? I know a couple who picked up their baby every time it moved and it would cry.

Why?

Because it could never blinking sleep...!

Sometimes you just have to wait a moment or two; even at an early age, the child who gets attention every time he or she cries could end up making the parents' life a nightmare.

You do have to know what the cries mean. A child crying due to hunger will sound different to a child crying because attention is being sought.

48
I do not think, you can ever be too attentive to a 5 months old crying baby. YOUR baby.

I also know people who let them cry and terrible accidents happenned with the "door shut". This is amazing!! "SHUT THE DOOR, SO YOU DO NOT HEAR YOUR BABY" This is going against nature.

I agree, you end up knowing the different cries, "because attention is beingsought" and?? we, adults, sight for attention, but do not have just the cry to do it.

And I agree, sometimes you have to wait a little bit, but next to the baby and not letting him alone, or can you be 100% sure of the reason why he is crying?? 100%?? Maybe, I am not that smart!! but, just in case, I will comfort my baby.

You know what?, I think those who let a child cry (shuttin doors, listening to loud music) are not brave enough to do that with an adult. Children do not take revenge, even if you let them crying for an hour, they will open their arms when you pick them up from their cots.

I feel sorry for those children

49
Parenthood is a very personal thing. Saying that you feel sorry for other peoples' children and that other parents are cowards is somewhat of a pompous attitude. It's very interesting to read your opinion and advice but don't insult those who choose to bring their children up in different ways.

50
You have my deepest empathy--I have been through two cranky babies. There has been some excellent advice given here, but I will add my own experience, which may or may not be instructive. My first daughter, as others here apparently, swallowed too much air when she was nursing. I took her off bottles for a while and tried to burp her more vigorously. It helped take the edge off some of the colicky crying, but turned her off bottles entirely.

My second child was diagnosed with reflux at about two months and put on medication. She went from being a very fussy baby to a very happy baby within four days. She went off the meds at about eight months, and still will throw up at the drop of a hat, but has been a happy baby. Both girls spent MANY, MANY hours in a sling/Baby Bjorn, and that seemed to quiet them when they were upset and not in pain.

If you have tried everything, and nothing seems to help the crying, consult your doctor--there may be a medical reason for the crying. Then again, perhaps there is not. Regardless, as with all things, this too shall pass.

51
Yes, yes, precious little snowflakes should never ever cry. To let them do so makes you an awful parent.

52
Jekyll

I disagree, I won ́t ever say something about which school one chooses for their children, or how they dress them, or at what time should they be at home as teenagers when they go out.

As a mom, I am sure I make mistakes and may be judged by others. But it really astonished me such a behaviour of a parent towards his child: shutting the door and let them cry, I do not think this is care, I am sorry.

53
I think this thread is getting very personal now with the comments that are being made in response to other peoples views etc. Its a forum thats open to air views and offer techniques or opions not to slang off other peoples parenting choices. You really can't post comments saying how awful parents are for letting their child cry in a cot. Offer your advice or opinion, don't berate others for what they do.

54

Yes, you are quite right in what you say. My daughter has 2 babies and sometimes I do not agree with her ideas but it is HER baby and it is HER choice on how she carries out her role as a mum. Sure I will try to give her an opinion but at the end of the day it is her decision

55
I had a harsh reply at my fingertips but I thought twice.

Trollope, You may feel you are the Madonna incardinated but your not.

You are sadly misguided. If you think your harsh condemnation of others "parental skills" are in any way helpful, you are mistaken.

The words pompous and supercilious come to mind.

56
Also, each baby is different. I remember being at the end of my tether a couple of times and asking my sister, who's second baby is the same age as my first, what she recommended. What worked for her baby made mine even more irritated and cranky.

Then, these sneaky little babies go and change all the rules the next day so what worked beautifully yesterday doesn't have a cat in Hell's chance of pacifying them the next day.

Sadly the baby isn't born with an "Operator Manual" tucked under his chubby little arm and most of us are, at first, woefully unqualified to look after a baby but with all the love in the world and trial and error, you get through. It's all part of the fun.

I'm still beating myself up because I am still sure my little fella was too cold at night when he was tiny.

57
Also as someone who is now suffering "Empty Nest Syndrome" you look back on those sleepless nights, constant washing etc etc and actually wish that your precious babies were back at home, and long to turn the clock back.....

58
With experience you can often figure out which cries mean what.

If our baby is supposed to sleeping and he wakes up in the night, we first cover all the bases - nappy, drink, teething gel etc. If he is still crying we will put him in his cot and put his cuddly toy next to him and put his dummy in. If he keeps crying we go back to the cot every five to ten minutes to put his dummy in and reassure him until he falls asleep again. On rare occasions we will pick him up and nurse him back to sleep if he wakes up with an "upset" cry - possibly from a bad dream or a sudden noise. You just have to pick a middle line I think.

Babies need to learn how to settle themselves and if you keep picking them up at every single cry they will never develop that skill. I generally read to my son to the point where he is not quite sleeping and then slowly leave the room so he can do the last part himself. On rare occasions he will complain a little bit but after a couple of minutes he nods off.

The most important thing is he gets plenty of sleep and we are quite strict about his bedtime and his routine - as tempting as it is to stay up and play with him. The worst possible scenario is an overtired baby who can't get to sleep.

Cheers,

Nick

59
I don't miss sleepless nights..

I don't miss sleepless nights..

I don't miss sleepless nights..

I don't miss sleepless nights..

I don't miss sleepless nights..

I've been told repeating that over and over will help those of us who suffer from E.N.S.

the problem is..

I do

60
I think this statement is really good. It says everything about the parents' role in the baby's life. They have no one else to turn to, and no way to cope alone. This has planted a seed in my mind. Thank you Trollope.