help ! how to deal with baby crying

Family, Education, Health and Pets
61
Are you aware of Bach Flower remedies (Bachbluten)? Have had good experiences with these both for myself and my children.

There is a mixture for babies who cry a lot:

-Star of Bethlehem to relieve the shock of birth

-Mimulus against the fear of being alone

-Aspen for fear of the dark

-Impatiens against the impatience when nobody comes straightaway

-Sweet chestnut against feelings of feeling lost

Second mixture:

-Holly when the child seems very angry

-Red chestnut when the child is too much attached to either mother or

father

-Chicory when the child puts pressure on you with his behaviour (usually

with older children)

-Walnut when teething

There are 38 different flowers for varying moods. They are widely available in chemists or apotheke and you can inform yourself beforehand on the internet or by asking in the apotheke and are perfectly safe for children.

Wish you good luck with your problem

62
As a granny now, with quite a lot of hindsight, I offer some humble advice.

My eldest son was like that too from the moment I brought him home until he was 3yrs old when his little brother was born and I was advised to not use any fabric softener in the laundry.

The poor little blighter was ITCHING! A baby feels pain all over their body, only when they get older does pain become localised.

Another reason I discovered, with HIS children, was too tight or too much clothing - like those "babygrow" outfits. Could be the infant is feeling claustrophobic?

Stay away, also, from "baby oils" of mineral oil content - use pure cold-pressed virgin olive oil on their skin - it prevents dryness and itching.

Feather pillows or duvets could also be an irritant.

Good luck.

63
Slightly worried by the inclusion of holly in that mix above - apparently, there's no part of holly which isn't poisonous. We don't let our Scouts use holly sticks to cook on either as fuel or as skewers because people have died from doing that.

64
Bach flower drops are prepared by taking the flowering part of the plant and leaving it in spring water and in direct sunlight for a certain period of time and which is then bottled.

Holly is good against jealousy and Ive used it on my 2 sons and theyre still alive and kicking.

There are ABSOLUTELY no side effects with these drops and if they dont work at least they do no harm

65
Fair point - I guess if they're legal to sell as a mdeicine/supplement/herbal remedy, then they have to pass certain guidelines.

But - if your kid eats some berries or leaves, take 'em straight down to the hospital.

66

Well I recently had Arsenic prescribed to me by an Anthroposophic Doctor. Helped get me off the painkillers Id been taking for 3 1/2 years after a back operation. From the first tablet on I was in a lot less pain......

"Everything is a poison - only the quantity defines whether its harmful/useful or of no value" (Paracelsus)

67
Hi Muffin. One thing you said that caught my interest was that she only stopped crying when you held her which seems to show that she isn't really hungry or in any kind of pain.

My daughter went through the same thing at about the same age and I bought her a "walker" (but one that didn't walk because those are dangerous) Then she could be up a little higher and look around without being in my arms. She was immediately better. I can honestly say that the walker saved her life :-)

Some people will probably chime in here the "walker" can delay real walking, but my daughter walked at one year which is normal.

Good luck!

68
...or better said "in a normal range". There is no "normal" age for a baby to walk. Some are good to go at 9 months, others take up to 14 or 15 months.

69
Hi Muffin,

I am a mother of 3 huge children 14, 13 and 11 years. I went through exactly what you are going through, no family or mum to come and help out.

Sleepless nights and long days. All of the above advice is great and should be tried. Another thing you might find could help you through some bad days is getting a sitter to come over. She could come for an hour during this time so you have the time to make your dinner and take a shower. This will give you the sanity to go for another few hours. Try to prepare something that can be reheated for the next night also. If you try to do this on alternative days it might help get your sanity back. I also have to mention as I hear it all too often, when fathers come back from trips and are then asked to be kept up all night because its their turn. Do remember that he has a full time job that requires him to be focused. Get him to prepare dinner and help out while the baby takes a nap you try to do the same. They also don't understand what you are going through because they haven't been there all day ever day. good luck

70
Hi,

I entered this treath to express my strong disagreement with leaving the baby crying in a room and going out closing the door. I got groaned because of my opinions, being honest I understand my words could hurt somebody. I jsut wanted to get the attention at that moment. I am a mother myself and some days are reeaaaalllly difficult, but there are things which simply cannot be done.

Yesterday, I read a very interesting article on this. I will not make any comment, but I would like you to have a look at it, mainly those who think that babies will not get hurt when they are left crying.

http://www.naturallynurturing.co.uk/...Sunderland.htm

Regards,

71

Thanks very interesting to read.

72
I also read the article. I agree that the advice it gives is very sensible and measured:

· Do not try to persuade the child out of their emotions, however extreme or unreasonable you might feel those emotions to be.

· Do not minimise their emotions: show through touch, tone and facial expression that you understand the intensity and quality of what they are going through.

·Be their emotional rock: be kind and calm.

·Hold them - touch is vital to calm and soothe a child.

I am sure that those perfect parents among us have been steadily applying it. Alas, I am not one of them. I am afraid that I occasionally try to persuade my children out of their emotions at 2 am. I am usually not very successful. And I have a tendency to over-show, especially through tone, that I understand the intensity and quality of what they are going through.

But the last bit is something that is implementable even when you want to pull your hair out. Holding your child while they cry and rage will eventually soothe them. Whether you will be able to get to sleep after that harrowing experience is another matter.

73
How can she know this?

"'The blunt truth is that uncomforted distress may cause damage to the child's developing brain."

And this.

"Later as adults these people are likely to need to continue to try to self soothe, and the soothers used may include alcohol, drugs, compulsive overeating, obsessive sex"

And this.

"here is a new theory that uses brain scans to argue that controlled crying (sleep training) not only damages babies' brains but produces angry, anxious adults."

That article is from a website advocating this woman's techniques/sleep center, I have a hard time believing it's unbiased. I'd actually have to know more her methods/experiments before making an opinion.

74
It's an interesting article but h ow awful am I? Occasionally when our little fella is in a mad rage for some such reason which is of major importance to a 17 month old, his little angry face is such a picture it makes me laugh. I can't help it, it just bubbles up.

Also, when I'm telling him off for the twentieth time for pushing buttons on the TV and he looks at me waggles his finger and says "no, no, no" sternly, my perfectly stern face crumbles to a giggle.

I guess some study somewhere will tell me that in 20 years time my enraged and laughed at son will be breaking into cars and mugging old ladies.

75
Oh, btw, this is something else that Margot Sunderland (see above posts) suggests for child-rearing: Children 'should sleep with parents until they're five'

76
Nothing new for me here, my both children sleep with us, not all of the time, but some of the time every night. I heard of children that sleep through the night AND in their own rooms. These are always someone else's children.

Before I had children, I thought that co-sleeping was not something I would do. But every family in the end has to come up with an arrangement that suits its particular needs and this works for us. I would not go to the extreme and advocate co-sleeping as something one has to do. On the other hand, I suspect many parents end up doing it anyway. Many don't tell.

77
If your baby seems pretty unhappy and resists every effort that you make to cheer him/her up or calm him/her down, it can be hard not to feel rejected as well as frustrated.

Parents sometimes blame themselves, feeling that it is their incompetence as parents that is causing the crying, but this is rarely the case.

If you know that your baby's needs have been met, that there is nothing physically wrong causing your baby to cry, and if you've tried everything you can think of to calm him/her but nothing's worked, it's time to take care of yourself so that you don't become overwhelmed. Here are a few suggestions:

• Take deep breaths.

• Put your baby down somewhere and let her cry for a while out of your hearing.

• If it helps, put on some quiet music and let yourself relax for ten minutes.

• Call a friend or relative and get some support. Give yourself a break and let someone else take over for a while.

• Talk to your health visitor about local support groups or mother-and-baby groups where you can share your feelings and discuss ways of coping with the crying with other new parents.

• Remind yourself that nothing is wrong with your baby and that crying in itself won't hurt her. Sometimes simply accepting that you have a baby who cries a great deal can help, in that you don't wear yourself out looking for reasons for the crying, blaming yourself for it, or offering endless new remedies which don't work.

• Remind yourself that this is a phase and it will pass.

Being the parent of a newborn is hard work. Being the parent of a newborn who cries a great deal is even harder work. Get help and support when you need it, rather than letting things build up. And take comfort from the fact that each day, as your baby grows, she learns new ways of being able to communicate her needs to you. Gradually, as she does so, the crying will stop.

http://helpandinformation.com/childr...n_Infant.shtml

78
[quote=korin101;195365]

• Put your baby down somewhere and let her cry for a while out of your hearing.

• If it helps, put on some quiet music and let yourself relax for ten minutes.

• Call a friend or relative and get some support. Give yourself a break and let someone else take over for a while.

quote]

The third piece of advice is very useful. It is important to have help. Often a screaming baby will calm down as soon as someone else, less tense and more rested, takes over.

But the first two bits I would advise only if you were so out of your mind that you could actually harm the baby if you stayed near.

79
Ok, I know this has been going on a while but I just hopped on board...

Have you heard of baby slings? If I had to choose between a sling and diapers, I would choose a sling any day. Seriously. Slings are a long piece of cloth that you wrap around yourself and the baby. You can hold baby snuggly to your chest or on your back while having your two hands free for cooking, patting baby's back without holding all their weight with your arms, etc.

No matter what your parenting philosophy, carrying a baby for more than 3 hours a day can reduce their crying by up to 50%. From my experience (as a certified baby sling instructor) about 99% of babies respond positively to being carried. It's another one of many things you can have in your repetroire for when baby cries.

The carrying works on a few levels: 1: it makes the baby feel secure throughout the day (while in close contact with the carrier). This reduces the amount of stress they build-up throughout the day (which often comes out at the witching hour around 5 pm). The older the baby, the better it is able to adapt to changes. A baby under 9 months benefits from being held a lot as they are underdeveloped.

2.It helps the baby's energy to disperse throughout the day so there isn't an excess in the evening.

3. It helps the digestive system digest, reducing colic & gas.

4. It's interesting for babies when they are at the center of things, rather than being the center of things.

There are lots of different carrying devices out. I've found the sling to be easiest to use in the long-term. I still use it for my 3 year-old when she's sick and clingy and I have to get something to eat for dinner. It's important to carry the baby in the morning and afternoon when it isn't crying in order for colic crying to be reduced in the afternoon. Other carrying devices also work but you can usually not carry as long or as comfortably with a sling but it's certainly worth trying out a few types to see if one of them suits your needs.

Oh, also because of your baby's age, you'll want to get him on your back as quickly as possible so you don't damage your back by having all that weight on the front.

There's so much I could say about the other physical and psychological benefits of slings but this post is already getting long. You can get a short overview at www.babyslings.ch or do a web search on baby slings.

Slings do have a small learning curve. Maybe someone near you could let you borrow their sling and show you how to tie it. I'd come but I'm in Basel. If you're ever in the area, let me know and I can give you a quick lesson.

Hope this forum has helped you find the support and strategies you need to get you through this excruciating time.

Cheers,

Chris

Certified Baby Sling Instructor

80
hi muffin

my twin daughter had a bad case of colic when she was around a month old. you need to check whether your baby has this since crying a lot in the evening usually means this. if u are not breast-feeding it will be worthwhile to invest in anti-colic teats for the bottles. play some music to soothe and put baby to sleep on tummy. also try to finish your chores early so that your evening is free and try to have a nap when baby sleeps. you won't feel too tired then.

good luck