Oh Momus, I feel like telling you a story I have lived for almost 3 years, taking care of someone to whom happened just about the same drama. I don't think I have ever seen someone that devastated because his GF left him, walked out, gone. The pain was written all over his face for a very long time and I don't think I have ever felt deeper pain in someone then in him. He would get so freakin drunk ... unbelievable ... he'd see a therapist for quite some time ... couldn't find another GF for a long time ... I think the worst of it all, was the pain that just wouldn't go away and always hoping, maybe, just maybe, it will all turn out ok again, but it never did. Now he's been in a relationship for 6 months or so and seems to do well. I always left him little encouraging notes, everywhere, sometimes I just cried about his despair, sometimes helped him out of depression with my a little a bit funny ways. So, I think there is hope, also for you. Of course there is, why shouldn't there be any for you too. This is all I can say. I am glad you wrote this on this Forum. Keep going !!!
I am totally overwhelmed by the number of responses, views and advices i have just received, i am really deeply moved by everything people have said, i tried to thank you all individually but probably missed some and my computer keeps crashing but thank you. So many beautiful words and I am feeling inspired, sitting here blinking through my tears and smiling.
I have contacted a counsellor ( thanks Heather ) and will see her tomorrow to get things started. I know i ned to move on from her, i really let her into my heart and some of the emptiness that she has left behind has been filled by reading your messages.
i promise i won't do anything stupid and i will get through this.
Listen, it is a HUGE CLICHE, but time will help! It is like somebody you love dies...nobody can understand how you feel, even if they say so, and write about similar experiences.
Good that you are aware of what you are going through, it is a big first step. Also, good that you have reached out. Agree that you should seek counseling with a professional. But until then, write on EF, talk to your friends in person, go out for beers with company. Do not be at home alone!
I know that it is a bunch of Crock#@$, but try to watch the "Secret". It helped me a lot to get some perspective when I was down, many times.
I'm sorry to hear that you have the blues. Things change constantly, so even if it only seems that it's getting worse just now, eventually it will get better.
I think you have the strength to get yourself past this phase, you proved it by asking for help, which takes real courage.
Do you think it would help having Eric back in your life, even just for a little while? A sense of purpose might help at the moment.
Oh D, thank you so much that's really sweet. I think Eric is better off with you, I feel sure of that. I don't think I could look after him any better and he deserves to be somewhere he's got constant loving attention, I couldnt take responsibility at the moment but thank you, please give him a hug from me and a tickle under the chin.
My tip for today would be to "treat yourself": Go and buy yourself some chocolates or something you like eating, buy yourself a good book (I would recommend "Snow falling on cedars" if you haven't read it). Do stuff you simply like doing.
I agree with Sandgrounder try to go walking 30 minutes every day (when it is still light). While walking observe what is happening around you the animals, the children, the trees. Try to disconnect from your thoughts and move back into reality and your surroundings.
Also make sure to eat properly at meal times and either eat a lot of fruit or get yourself some vitamins (Berocca for example):
Feeling down has sometimes more to do with an unbalanced diet than with what is happening in one's life.
My point is that you should not let any woman bring you down If one girl dumps you then you should move to the next one....keep the process going You should be a legend in your own mind and grow a thick skin that will deflect all rejections. You cutting yourself is not going to help the deflective characteristics of your skin Now go get them...woof woof (see the doc first though).
Besides all of the good advice given to you from the other forum members I would like to add that "remember that those negative thoughts are justs that-Thoughts". You don't have to do what they suggest. Use your will to take your thoughts in another direction. If you put your mind on something else you will forget about this difficulty more and more. Also the physical can help the mental. Smile more this helps to give a cheerful feeling to your consciousness. When you get thru this hopefully you will be the wiser and stronger...Fortunately or unfortunately no one can live our lives for us. Love yes, but what we love is really in our selves. All the beauty you saw in the other person is also in you. You have "everything you need" to continue in life. Get a grip, smile, have a sense of humour about yourself, (sometimes we take ourselves too seriously), wish the other person well and remember : "When one door shuts, another door opens". Look ahead......Good Luck To You...
Guys, guys, all well intentioned I'm sure, but I don't think we've got a case of just down in the dumps here. Clinical Depression is not something one can explain to those who have never experienced it. It's serious and no fun, take it from me.
M should plan to spend some time with a professional.
Some contact info and an e-hug is about as much as we can do here.
I was glad to read you made contact with a counsellor and have started to deal with your feelings in a positive manner. There has been lots of good advice given to you in this thread, especially the one on blocking the negative thoughts, diversions and exercise, to which I would like to add.
Please, while you are feeling unwell, do stop drinking (I assumed you meant alcoholic ones). Alcohol is a notorious depressant and will only add to your black feelings and negative thoughts.
Even if you feel you cannot cope with work, being sat at your desk sobbing is better than being in your apartment, isolated and feeling destructive, so I would also advocate going back to work, even if you desperately do not feel motivated to doing so.
Good luck tomorrow. Remember honesty is the best policy, if you want to get the most from a therapist... Good luck,
Sorry, yup. It was a gut reaction to the "Get a grip, smile, have a sense of humour" line. I know; well intentioned. But truly the worst possible thing to say.
It may have been the "worst possible thing to say" as far as you are concerned, because your feeling behind it is totally different from mine. It was meant from love and goodwill...Not the "snap out of it" attitude. Anyways what you call "clinical depression" is what can happen when we take ourselves too seriously....