Here is a little matter that is certainly not life-or-death - just more something that I would like clarified:
My daughter, being in swiss kindergarten, is starting to go to quite a few swiss (and other nationality) birthday parties. Prior to the last birthday party, one of the mothers ran into me in the toy section at Migros. She asked what I was buying for the child's birthday. I showed her my go-to gift - which is a playmobil set around the price range of 20 to 25 francs. She seemed to get upset, and told me that I was spending too much. Later I found out she phoned the mother of the birthday girl, told her what I was planning on buying, and informed this mother that "she could not "afford to keep up with this".
Is this too much to spend on a classmate's gift - am I making parents uncomfortable by spending that much on a gift? Interestingly, another friend from outside the kindergarten mentioned she was shocked by how much "some parents" (meaning North Americans and British) spent on gifts at a recent birthday party she went to (I kept my mouth shut). Back in US/Canada, this seemed a completely normal amount to spend... How much does one usually spend on such a thing?
Ok I am not in Switzerland but here is what we do with the parents of my daughter's class. Every birthday, we all give around 4-5 euros per classmate to buy a present for the birthday kid when there is a party. Last two birthdays were given a big playmobil set for a boy and a bunch of monster high dolls to a girl.
We asked what they like and one of the parent was in charge to buy the gifts.
I don't know if it varies by age or area but when we first moved here and my son invited some friends for his 12 th birthday every single one of them gave him 20chf. Some gift cards and some cash with a card and one book with the 20chf price tag still on it.
I'm not sure if it's an unwritten rule around here but 20 chf seems to be the acceptable amount.
I haven't lived in the UK for a long time but based on my nephews it seems £10 is the general rule where they live.
That's what we used to do back in Belgium. It was a great solution as the birthday child got a nice gift that they really wanted rather than lots of smaller gifts and the parents of the party goers didn't have to wrack their brains trying to find an appropriate gift.
I think the mom should just be thankful for how much you are GIVING. You just shouldnt expect that on your child ́s birthday she would receive the same. I usually give around 15chf, if its early enough i try to get something on sale or get something from germany then it could be less than 10chf. Keep in mind that this will become a regular thing/several birthdays a year.
I probably spend more or less that also, her reaction seems quite strange to me phoning the mum unless there was something said before that you missed judging from the parties I have been to with my son and the parties I have held, unless agreements are made for group gifts as mentioned by Nil or parents have stated a limit etc then I think you are in the "normal range"
Well, lets just say that this woman is "complex" on several fronts. I do, however, just want make sure I am not generally offending or making the parents uncomfortable. But it seems from responses that it is not an outrageous amount to spend. True, however, it does add up. I may start looking around for good deals and stock up when I am out shopping. Interesting to know that for the older kids money and gift cards seem to be "the thing" - that is certainly simpler, if not a bit impersonal.
A good idea except when a single parent has perhaps two or three kids and has to contribute that much for all the kids in the class two or three times. That's quite a bit of money over a year.
My son's had parties where a child has given some like a home-made card or a token gift costing less than four euros. Of course we're fine with that but more importantly my son is too.
To be honest, we're just happy they could come to the party.
Knowing their financial circumstances and telling them they needn't bring anything would be embarrassing for them.
Wow, total overreaction on the other mother's part!
My daughter is in the second class now, and I would say that most people spend between 10 and 20 francs. Sometimes it's a bit more, sometimes down the lower end.
I actually have a stockpile of presents for birthdays now. I go to Manor and other places at sale time and stock up on games etc and then when a birthday invite turns up I look in my magic box of presents and find something appropriate.
The parties also vary wildly, with some just involving running around in a garden and a piece of cake, while others are much fancier.
But I think it's important to remember that you can also do whatever you want when it comes to things like this. I think I have spent far too much time worrying about fitting in when we should also embrace our individuality!
(Having said that our children might not always agree, but hey, part of our job as parents is to embarrass our kids, right? )
No no, I gave 4 euros for last birthday gift. That is for the classmate head count, not by every children by family. We were all four of us there at the party and we contribute for my daughter's part (she is the kid's classmate)
Ps: Those who didn't go to the party didn't contribute to the gifts.
Aha! Therein lies the crux of the problem, maybe! Admittedly, with my wish to integrate comes this overriding, constant fear of doing something wrong or offensive. I have been told to relax - chill out at bit by swiss friends. I am working on that... As for embarrassing my children, well, that just comes naturally Thanks!
Well, last January we were invited to a birthday party for a 2-year old. I asked the father what his little girl might want or need (for a gift), and his reply was: "Well, she could always use summer dresses."
So searching I went and had trouble finding any summer dresses because it wasn't even Spring yet. Lo and behold, the only dress I could find was at Manor for 60 CHF! It was a gorgeous dress, though -- and one that was obviously not cheaply made. So I reluctantly bought it, only because I wanted my mission to finally be accomplished.
Then, at the party, while the little girl was opening her presents, I noticed that the majority of her gifts were quite inexpensive (e.g. a couple of small books), so I realized how much more I spent than perhaps I should have. Normally I don't think in terms of price when it comes to gifts, but I was almost embarrassed by how excessive our gift seemed, relative to the others.
Anyways, sorry for the thesis. But I've learned my lesson to not overspend on gifts now.
But I still think that Mother completely overreacted -- especially with her phone call to the other mother. I myself would have been thoroughly offended by her actions and would not have hesitated to let her know that, when I saw her again at the party.
I meant that the other children in the family would also go to their own friends parties in turn and the same parent would have to contribute to those presents too.
I've heard about a non written rule stating one should bring a gift that costs as much as what the host is paying for the food and drinks of the guest.
For us it's easy, if the kid is a close friend we buy a 25 EUR toy that looks like a 50 CHF one, otherwise we spend 15-20 EUR.