I am at a loss and approach the hive mind in hopes of clarifying my situation and what can be done in a positive, constructive and forward-looking manner.
Our boy is in 8P, an important year due to the upcoming year-end tests (ECR) which determine if a student is on path to university, or apprenticeships. He really wants to go to university and is not slacking, regularly putting in the hours and revisions and still not making the grades he needs.
We have spoken about it with him, and it seems there are puzzle pieces that are not available to all students: e.g. the criteria for grading, the goals that will be judged at upcoming tests, etc. In addition, contrary to school director guidance, the teacher regularly âteamsâ students - it so happens that our boy is never paired with the best students but the opposite - those who openly wish to go the apprenticeship route. Then there is the persistent ânoâ to all requests from us for material we should review to prepare at home: âall is done in schoolââŠ
I am confused as we move now into darker territory, where friends of my son do have the grading criteria; and when he asks the teacher âmay I have them as wellâ she says ânoâ, again⊠Parents are nice, and we share, but this creates an awkward dynamic where we source information that should be readily available in hush mode and then pretend we didnât have it. It is like a perpetuum mobile of deception, which is costing the kids peace and sleep, and adding strain to already busy curricula.
The teacher is young, a 24yo, with this being her first assigned class. This is not about schooling her, showing her how it should be, blah-blah-expat-flex. I really wish to find a way where rules are uniformly applied, and information is equally available, each is given a fair chance and not always handicapped at the starting line.
Have you had similar stories you heard, and most importantly - do you have ideas how to approach this in the best and well-intentioned way?
Can you not use this as a discussion point with the teacher? I would say that I know this info has been provided to others and would like to know why it canât be shared with my son.
Iâve found you have to be very insistent (not impolite) with the teachers for them to take note. I would also mention that youâd prefer that your son be teamed up with higher achieving or like minded students to even the playing field. Maybe it wonât change straight away but you will have sowed the seed in the teacherâs mind that youâre monitoring her actions.
Well then you just have to carry on the way you have been doing. Stay friendly with the parents and get the notes or whatever it is from them. How do they manage to get them from the teacher?
What do you mean by âwalking on thin iceâ? Have you had confrontation with the teacher before?
Rather than working with the school, have you considered getting tutoring outside of school? I know it is an expense, but you avoid the conflict and have 1 on 1 tutoring.
Having seen the dramatic difference in teaching quality maybe itâs a conflict-free way of resolving?
Confrontation before? Quite the opposite, very calm and civil discussions until this semester she went full zombie on some kids (like mine). Bad grades, reprimands, poor test scoring⊠All resolved after a kind note on our part (fixed scoring, apologizing for the reprimands to our kid, etc)⊠Thin ice, as in fragile situation more than anything else.
How do the other parents get it? Nagging and pestering - one mom is there morning, lunch and afternoon, standing by the door waiting to ambush the teachers or director. The common joke is before teachers leave they check if it is âclearâ and if not take the other exit (I do not condone this behaviour and do not wish to adopt it).
We signed up a tutor few weeks back; the tutor is furious at the teacher but warns us to be careful in handling the matter, as she has seen retaliation at play.
Meanwhile we have been invited to a PTA - I hope to keep my cool and stay kind
By the terminology used (8P, ECR) - I guess this is in canton Vaud?
From my children experience - the bar to get to VP is set relatively low - quite differently than letâs say what I hear about gymi in ZĂŒrich, as a much larger share of pupils can go to the VP.
From my kids experience - either a kid gets easily to VP (and ECRs are relatively easy, btw, and you can find some examples of earlier ones), or, if they are on the threshold, then they might struggle anyway in VP or later in a gymnase.
My way of helping kids was getting some additional exercise books for math, French etc tailored for the 8P in Vaud that can be bought even in COOP, and they follow the program here. The ones from Canada or France from Amazon arenât for exactly the same program and are thus harder to use as one has to pick whatâs relevant. There is an online service as well selling exercises - either in PDF form or as online exercises. Donât forget the Singapore math books, some of them were translated to French.
Thank you to all who chimed in. Tuesday my wife and I agreed that this is not a normal environment for our son and requested a meeting with the teacher. We had an instant yes and a meeting earlier today.
We shared our concerns and observations without pointing fingers or demanding explanations, and instead requesting we (mom+dad) be involved and tasked with whatever our son needs or is missing in addition to what the school is offering. We brought our son along, so the conversation is transparent and allowing him to speak for himself.
And speak, he did. He felt supported and represented, heard and seen - he shared a few situations where he feared speaking up, an example where he was dismissed and another where he was punished unfairly for his teamâs complete lack of commitment or effort. His (punishment) grade is now revised, and the teacher offered we meet again in a month to see if things are better altogether. I feel like honesty and calm allowed us to have this discussion in good will, and for teacher and parents to focus on the topic and not hammer on the individuals, each of us with our faults. My wife and I realized we are putting excessive pressure on our son, to a point he has certain subjects (math) where he has completed the annual curricula. Had we skipped this checkpoint, we might have done the same with the rest, essentially homeschooling him in addition to the regular school he goes to.
My wife and I took our homework and went for a long walk to understand how we got here.
Thank you for the support and useful tips, links and pointers. I am grateful the forum is back and the energy it harbors is one of a well-meaning community.
Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it, and to the rest of us, I wish the spirit of this holiday spills over in our daily life.
Iâm glad you have managed to resolve this in an amicable way with the teacher. Iâm sure it is a huge relief.
I think there can be a huge difference with what we expect for our kids and how the kids are taught in Switzerland which, esp. at earlier years, seems to be much less academic.
I remember one case where my son took an interest in letters and he asked me about them and I started to teach him letters at home. One day, he was pround and showed his teacher what he learned and was very deflated when the teacher dismissed this and suggested that rather than learning letters, he should focus on other things (drawing, using scissors etc.). This was very discouraging for him.
On the other side, my younger daughter goes to a private KG and there they seem to give much more freedom to the kids and nurture their interests. e.g. my daughter is very interesting in reading and letters and so they spend quite a lot of time doing that.
Thank you @ShirleyNot@Phil_MCR for the kind words; my son is light as a feather and laughing again. Only once I heard him yesterday, I realized how chasing high standards cost something irreplaceable. I expect myself to be much more alert to these invisible signs and queues, forever-work-in-progress-parent
I wonder if youâd be comfortable sharing a bit more on this. In our household, both parents believe in the importance of education, but my wife is very strict for everything from maths to piano - so much so that piano practice becomes a shouting match and is no longer enjoyable for the kids.
I take a different approach where I try to let the kids work on their own and only prod them when they are being lazy. I feel that to learn, you really need to want to learn, not being forced to do it. The only difficulty, is that my son doesnât express too much interest in academic studies right now, but heâs still young.
If they can choose an instrument, what would they choose? Is it absolutely non-negotiable to have piano lessons or any other instrument would do?
As long as they can find something that they like and itâs still music, I donât see why it should be piano. My kids had an open day at the music school and could hear and see different instruments and talk with the teachers. In the end none of them had chosen pianoâŠto our greatest disappointment.
Oh lordâŠmy sibs got all the lovely composers: Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Brahms, Debussy. I was stuck with Kodaly, and lessons were on Saturday mornings at 7 a.m. My sibs have pianos and have played their whole lives, and one was semi-concert level. I absolutely hated the piano and took up the guitar as soon as I could exert some independence (age 12).
No lessons have started for my son yet. He asked for drums
I did get him some cheap toy drums which he played with for all of 2 weeks before we got rid of them. I also got him a small toy piano (much to the chagrin of my wife who insists he should only play on the real piano). Heâs just playing around with it for now, I just wanted him to get a feel for the notes and try to get him to be able to recognise higher notes and lower notes which he currently struggles with. I will probably teach him properly next year.
Whatever happened to kids just learning the recorder? Donât know where my life would have led had I not been able to give a quick blast of Three Blind Mice.
One of ours wanted to play the drums. I said we would really benefit from learning something where he could learn to read music. He was welcome to learn drums later.
He had piano lessons and appeared to enjoy them at first but although he seemed to be learning well, he wasnât really enjoying it and, sadly gave it up.
When I learnt the piano as a kid, the piano was both out of tune and in the room with the TV so it was both unpleasant to play and difficult to just sit down at and play for fun.
When we got a piano, we got a high-end electronic piano with weighted wooden keys but with the benefit of it never going out of tune and anyone being able to play it anytime with headphones.
Another son decided he wanted to play too and had lessons but never learnt to read music and gave up the lessons too. He still plays, really well, but progression is slow as he canât read music.
He can go to university following an apprenticeship. My daughter dropped out of Gymnasium to do an apprenticeship for three years. Following that she got a Berufsmatura, then a bachelors. Sheâs currently just finishing of her Masters degree.
She has a great advantage over the kids who went to university. Sheâs already a qualified to work in her area and that makes it much easier to get a job.
Our son went the university route and got a Masters. It took him 9 months to find a job.
Importantly, although our daughter remained in her field, many apprentices donât and end up working as something completely different. At no time are you âlocked inâ to one route.
