There was an old man of Darjeeling
Who boarded a bus bound for Ealing
It said on the door
`Don't spit on the floor'
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling
Got any good (naughty) ones to share?
Since Konijn started a Haiku of the day I decided to start a limerick of the day. Limericks are structured thus:
There was an old Beast, lived in Zürich,
Who kept posting things that were off topic.
He wanted to get
His count up a bit.
But he never could quite seem to manage it.
[I've been stuck on 248 posts for what seems like a couple of weeks.]
There once was a poster called Morgannon.
About american stuff he'd go on and on.
One day he up and quit,
taking all the stuff that he'd submit.
Now some of the threads aren't so long!
Swine flu could affect many Swiss
Please wash your hands after you p!ss
If you eat what you pick
It might make you quite sick
Of course then you might stop doing this
(Inspired by the psychosis thread) - rhythm's a bit off
There was a young mother in Horgen
whose children were awful each Morgen
they'd winge and they'd whine
till she hit the white wine
and screamed at them both like a Gorgon
cazxx
My all time favourite, to be read in a west country accent:
The was a young lady from Devizes,
Whose titties were differnt sizes.
One was small
And no good at all,
And the other so big it won prizes...
It seems there where a few pent up limericks out there.
Here I am a-sweatin' and coughin'
Confined in my house to do nuffin
On account of the flu:
Oh, what a to-do!
I hope I don't leave in a coffin...
This is one of those times when you wish the Off-topic forum had Thanks buttons installed.
You all deserve a big round of Thankses!
Creative lot you are ...
[](http://www.englishforum.ch/post_thanks.php?do=post_thanks_add&p=553815) , [](http://www.englishforum.ch/post_thanks.php?do=post_thanks_add&p=553815) , [](http://www.englishforum.ch/post_thanks.php?do=post_thanks_add&p=553815) !
The problem with the pear and the orange
Is they only appear in ... oh, bugger!
So stock up every month
And plan for ... crap, not again!
Geez, this is harder than it looks!
22 yards cant rhyme
his problem, not mine.
Some of his posts are good
give him green blobs I should
with scrutiny maybe in time.
"Orange", I think you will find,
To rhyme, a bit of a bind.
The word "month", the same
(I tried -- nothing came;
If I don't stop, I may go blind!)
The trouble with a forum
Is to maintain certain decorum
Although inventing a troll
May be considered droll
You risk insulting the quorum
The avatars are misleadin
They almost got me believin
In Shorrick’s doe eyes
And Sada’s disguise
There’s art to that there deceivin’
If you think that the forum is biased
Then you know it, so why do you ask
Should you keep posting here
When you know it’s not fair,
To be maligned and made to look like an ass?
Incoherent, Incognizant, Incogent
They falsely lay claim to pedantic
Yet, when a bimbo like me
Hogs the forum for free
The groaning becomes rather frantic
Another with tenuous links
To this country, this odd poster thinks
That we give a damn
About Bush and Iran:
She's an off-topic monster; a minx!
No need for such frightful morbidity!
I'm certain you'd mend with rapidity
If properly nursed
By someone well versed
In soupmaking and eruditity...
With DB there’s always a chance
That he’ll take bait and try to enhance
His elegant mind
But from too much bad wine
Will forget that it’s all but a farce
I ain’t erude nor am I confined
To a bed or an elegant mind
We all know what he needs
But being diseased
a companion is not easy to find