In todays's episode of "unnecessary headaches that p*ss me off": I'm being used for mail order fraud. Or rather, attempted mail order fraud, because the person doing it is either a kid with zero culture or someone who doesn't understand what a possible first name is.
Yesterday, my postie insisted I come downstairs to accept a package because he wasn't sure about the name. The label read "Mister [Last Name of my flatmate, let's call him Mr. Mettler] [My last name, let's call me Ms. Müller]", i.e. Mister Mettler Müller, with our address. Thinking my flatmate had somehow messed up an online order (it was a place we'd never ordered from before), I took the parcel and put it on the table for him. Turns out, he hadn't ordered it. We opened it to find three football training jerseys for a teenage boy, but no packing slip. Mysterious.
It then occurred to me that our letterbox was labelled "Mettler Müller", with the names one on top of the other, so someone must have thought it was someone's full name and copied it for their little scam. Only a complete moron would do that though, because neither of our names resemble a first name in any European language and I don't think they are anywhere else in the world. Hence my guess at the sort of person who did it.
Phoned the company that shipped the stuff, they told me I had to make a police report because the person was stealing my identity (and they couldn't investigate mail order fraud properly without report of criminal activity). So I toddled off to the police today with the offending parcel in hand. They promptly told me that what the mail order company told me wasn't entirely true but they were happy to take down the details and file a report. My worry was that the person would not just order one thing but try to order more stuff. They didn't seem to optimistic but were friendly enough, took pictures of the package etc. Then they said I should just send the parcel back, they would contact the company, I should just make sure that I hold on to the receipt.
Right, toddle off to the post office, send the parcel on its way and return home.
Open my letter box.
More effing parcels, these ones from a large company with an orange triangle logo.
More sports gear, this time there was a replica Olympique Marseille shirt* among the things. So I phoned THIS mail order company and explained the situation. They too insisted I go to the police. At this point, the most I would commit to was to offer to call them tomorrow and ask if they can add it on to my existing complaint without me having to show up again in person... Especially since the coppers told me that I have no liability: The fact that the name they are using does not belong to a real person and is evidently just taken from my letterbox means I can't be held accountable. Swiss law states that if a company sends you stuff that you did not order, you don't have to pay for it. Heck, you don't even have to send it back.
HOWEVER, if it had been my actual name and they had been quicker than me in retrieving the parcel, i.e. not aware that the order had been placed in my name, it would have be a whole different story and a much bigger headache to sort out (I say this now, but if this person has a whole football kit on its way to me from different companies, lord help me...). In this case, it would be more difficult to prove that it was not me, especially as I already have an account at one of the companies that sent me stuff.
And that is one of several reasons why you should not put your full name (i.e. first and last name) on your letterbox, even if your rental agency or the rest of the building does it that way. It is all too easy for someone to use that information for all sorts of nefarious purposes, including ordering things in your name and snatching them out of your letterbox / from the building entrance before you get home. You'll be none the wiser until demands for payment start appearing. It's easy enough to time yourself in line with the postie's delivery route and they hardly ever ring the doorbell for things that fit into the letterbox and don't require signature.
Now excuse me while I go and put a note on my letterbox about the issue so that any further parcels addressed to Mr Mettler Müller go back immediately or are at least delivered to me by hand so I can send them back. The cheeky little scrote shan't lay a finger on a single one of his ill-gotten treasures.
*I may or may not have spent a very aggravated 10 minutes trying to see if I can find any local OM fans but then remembered that dumping a week's worth of cat litter gold neatly contained in the parcel they ordered in the wrong letterbox would only get me into trouble...