Thanks in advance!
Hello! I am so confused and troubled right now. My husband is swiss and we got married almost 2 years ago. Back then, before getting married he asked me to sign a marriage contract and I said no and despite that, he agreed go marry me. Now he is putting pressure on me to change our regime to have separate assets. He said that if I don't sign it he will divorce me. We have a 7 month old baby and he knows that if we get divorced I would go back to my country with the baby. Still, he is pretty serious about that. I don't know what to do. I love him but it is incredible how money is so important to him. I thought marriage was a team, not rivalry.
Where you from? As far as I have seen I do not think you would be allowed to just leave Switzerland with his baby, the law forbids it.
However, if you do not have a job then clearly you should not sign the contract. If he divorces you, then he will have to pay you a monthly maintenance anyway. But you also have to agree to the divorce.
Also, if he is really threatening to divorce you then the relationship clearly has no chance of success anyway. It sounds like he is trying to bully who is trying to verbally abuse you into signing a contract, and do you want to be married to a bully?
Essentially he's saying "do what I want, or I'll divorce you". Even if you agree this time, there's no guarantee that when he wants his own way on another issue he won't try the same. In my view you have no choice but to say no to his request and say that any change to your marriage covenant must be by mutual consent - not by blustering threats on his part.
Do not threaten to leave the country with the child.
I am mexican and an attorney told me I could do it if he agrees to and he has no problem with that.
Then the marriage is already over if you are discussing these things. If you agree to signing the contract under such circumstances then you are basically selling your soul and putting aside your principles.
Lovely chap.
Sounds like there is already a lot of trouble in the marriage?
Clearly he'd be stupid to divorce you now given the agreement he wants is not in place at this point. Sounds like he wants to get out anyway and is now hoping for you to sign something that will better protect him financially before he walks.
Sorry to be so blunt
Well if he divorces now then she would only get 2 years of built-up assets, and the longer he waits then the more she gets. He probably thinks it's cheaper to do so now.
Don't sign anything you don't want to. What kind of husband or wife would threaten to divorce to get their way over the other?
If this is the kind of man he is, you are better off without him.
Info on various aspects of divorce in Switzerland here:
Financial stuff:
https://www.ch.ch/en/matrimonial-regime/
https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce-and-mai…contributions/
Child custody:
https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce-parental-authority/
Your right to stay, or not, in Switzerland if you divorce:
A dictatorship is not a relationship.
Ah yes important point: as someone said already, you are not allowed to leave the country with your child even in the case of divorce (unless of course he agrees to it but that's unlikely in most cases)
I'm sorry you're in this situation. Unfortunately this is a time where you have to put your feelings aside and be rational (there's time to grieve later).
There seems to be no love left, so you're probably better off going straight for the divorce. As he is threatening you with it anyway, there is no waiting time of 2 years.
You mention further down that he has no problems/objections if you return to Mexico with your child (no love for the child either ....). This is probably because he thinks he won't have to pay alimony for the child or just not send you the money once you're gone. Well, he's in for a surprise as you can see here (you can switch the language on top right of that page) and here (Mexiko page 8).
Good luck and don't let the guy push you around.
addition: Do not sign anything and better get a lawyer if it comes to the divorce.
Oh I didn't see that he already agreed to you leaving.
Well that is lovely.
Curley's probably right, he simply doesn't want to pay.
Just walk. Seriously, no point in staying. Tell him you won't sign and let him file for divorce.
Sorry you're in this situation.
Is your child Swiss?
(I think it is but want to make sure)
Don't sign anything unless you understand the consequences. The fact that he urges OP to sign is a strong indication that it would be to OP's disadvantage. There's enough time later to change your mind.
OP I think you should get legal advice immediately. The best route forward may be the KESB of your Bezirk . I think if you do divorce they'll be involved anyway.
Yes he is swiss. And I am already getting legal advice. The attorney said his idea is not bad and we would both certainly get the same but what troubles me is that he is threatening me...plus we are planning to move to the US next year. Idk if that would affect this contract anyways.
Since there's no contract you are under Errungenschaftsbeteiligung as this is the default:
What your bring into the marriage remains yours, what he brings remains his, both have (can have) individual accounts. Wealth that's been accumulated during the marriage (I think including interest on what's brought into the marriage) gets split 50/50 upon divorce.
A contract means a switch to either Gütergemeinschaft or Gütertrennung. Gütergemeinschaft would mean joint wealth, broadly speaking everything is put into one big pool with joint management, both are also held liable for each other's debts if any. I see no reason to force you to sign such a contract as the effect should be rather insignificant to your current arrangement. Unless he has debts, but the impression you give is that this isn't the case at all.
Gütertrennung however means completely split wealth. What you bring as well as what you earn during the marriage remains yours at all times, likewise for him. In practice one would probably have a shared account or two to pay rent and household items with, but that's about it. Depending on the individual fiancial situation a switch to this form can have very severe financial consequences. While (at least in theory) this allows for a simple divorce this is often to the wife's disadvantage as she usually earns less than he.
I'm speculating:
Trying to coerce you to sign can only mean a serious effect in his favour, anything else wouldn't make sense, meaning he probably wants to switch to Gütertrennung. Therefore: Don't sign even if your lawyer says it's no biggie. At least get a second opinion, and preferably have both lawyers show in tab form what the effect would be, preferably with the actual numbers listed. Personally I'd skip the second opinion and refuse outright, full stop.
If you think divorce is likely I think you should contact KESB linked to above. From what I understand they also provide legal help where necessary, and in case of divorce they'll probably get involved anyway on behalf of your child.
Best of luck
You are totally correct, Urs Max!!
This rings, sadly, not just a bell, but an entire churchtower of bells with me!
Maria Paula, don't sing anything! It will be most likely to your disadvantage! Try to get a second opinion in regards to lawyer advice! maybe you have also a kind of woman infromation and consultation bureau where you live, who'll help you with this?
I'll tell you why:
Twenty years ago, I signed such a Gütertrennungsvertrag before the wedding. Admittedly I was stupid, loved my future hubby, but was too naïve as well as heavily pregnant (hormonal and not thinking straight, sadly)......
In my case, I was told this was, so that I couldn't be held liable if the husbands electrician business would go bankrupt or that his clients couldn't come after me if there were unpaid bills, this sounded like something valable and logical, so I signed.
Over a decade later the hubby left me and the 3 kids overnight to go and live henceforth with his affair and to spend the estate he shortly before inherited from his father, of which I never knew, how big it was.
At the divorce hearing, all justified claims of my solicitor were denied, thanks to this contract!
Now I and the girls live below the breadline and make do as well as we can. (I am not on Benefits or some such thing).
As a business owner a guy can sort of set his salary himself as minuscule and finance his luxurious lifestyle via his business, as it is the salary paid out to him according to the Lohnausweis and his private tax declaration, that will be considered as basis for the alimony/support to pay by the judge........
From your posts, Maria Paula, I assume you are also dependant on your hubby to cover the cost of daily life, whilst looking after the kid/s, as was I.
The sudden urge of your husband to have a contract like that now.....to me, feels a bit suspicious.
Unless you have some solid training and can get a job, where you could easily support your kid/s and yourself again in case of a divorce and have a reasonably normal life.
DON'T SIGN such a contract...if you are dependant on your husband, with no own income or other monetary assets to cushion a possible divorce until you find work again.
If it is really not to be avoided, be smarter than I was and see to have added a clause, that in case of divorce, he shall be liable to support you and your kid/s aedequately, preferably (so that your other half can't pull a game like my Ex did) with a predetermined amount.
I don't want to sound bitter, coz i am not. I just tried to show you what could happen IF you sign such a contract. My Ex hubby is welcome to all his monetary assets, because now this is all he has!
I may have to scrimp and scrape to get by, but I'm happy with family and friends around me......I've got everything and more money CAN'T buy.
Obviously it needs to be right for YOU!! Whatever ou choose in the end to do!
All my best wishes!
EE
Maria Paula, do NOT sign anything!
Let him divorce if he wants to divorce.
More than 20 years ago, after divorce, my husband had to give 50.000 francs to his ex-wife because one child was under 18years old.
She had a very good job, otherwise the amount would have been bigger, I suppose. They were not rich, at that time..there was no house to share, no expensive car, nothing!
All English Forum is telling you:" Do NOT sign!"
That is valable and from the way your ex sounds he could have pulled a number on you with that company without the contract.
Inheritance is not shared in case of divorce .... with or without that contract. Only money gained on/with the inheritance is shared without the contract.
As a business owner he will do that with or without the contract.
Absolutely agree. OP should not sign anything as I mentioned above already.