Miserable Kindergarten Child

Family, Education, Health and Pets
1
Hello to everyone!

I thought I'd post here for some chat from parents with children currently in kindergarten.

My child (5 years old, part Swiss) is not happy at his Kindsgi. I'll try to keep things brief:

22 out of 26 kids do not speak SG, and those 22 are grappling to learn HG. So language has an impact on social connections.

Regulations in our area are such that a kid is assigned a kindsgi wherever there's space and not necessarily according to location. For us, there's only one other child in the neighborhood who is in the same class. It's been impossible nurturing friendships when some kids live near to eachother and others a good distance away.

The teachers (2 of them) are young, kind, open. But... bland. There's no other way to say it. Every day I see kids coming out of the adjacent classroom laughing, holding crafts and projects, joking around with their teacher, hugging her. In my son's class they literally run out and there's hardly a one who even says goodbye or smiles. When I observe the class on occasion there does seem to be a reserved behaviour from the teachers which doesn't make them unlikeable but... boring.

They are meant to have gym/fitness and forest visits with some regularity. This year they've done gym and forest 4x as there's always some reason to cancel (even if it's a legit reason, the fact is the kids lose out).

I've discussed my concerns with the teachers. They don't think there's much of a problem --for them it's natural that each kid does what they're good at and is only "pushed to do more" if they need it. My son is an independent, quiet sort and they've admitted to just letting him do his own thing. What's the point of that?

So while I can't exactly stand up and shout "this kindsgi is depressing my child", it's pretty obvious that there's not much challenge to his day, plus the lack of inter-personal connection to the teachers, the kids speaking their own mother-tongue to each other, and no school friends in the neighborhood.

In my teaching and personal experience people who choose to teach really young kids have been exciting, they conveyed a feeling of "oh, the world is a limitless place to run and romp" LOL! The kindergarten teacher is THE master of all things crafting, gluing, adventuring, experimenting; the initiater of seasonal projects and mender of scraped knees on the playground. She is the mother away from home. My child's teachers told him "they'd hardly noticed" when he'd been away sick.

Which brings me to this point: we're now struggling to get my son out the door in the mornings. He just doesn't want to go anymore. I don't relent and he goes, but he ain't happy and neither am I.

Can you share your experiences if this sounds similar?

A really big, heart-broken sigh from this mum,

Lea

2
How long has the child been at the school?

I often hear it takes about 6 months of misery until the child starts settling and able to interact more.

3
Since August last. So...9 months.

4
I dunno, kids these days...

Back when I wer' lad no-one expected school to be enjoyable. And yes, I mean school, which was started aged 5. And I had to walk to school, no parents, so often on my own, from that age. It was considered normal, and would have been very odd of parent's even had half a clue of ahwt their kids' schools and teachers were like.

Sorry, not a dig at the OP, but have you considered that maybe you're over-analysing the situation? Maybe you should just chill a bit and not worry so much

5
Sorry to hear that.

Our child absolutely loved going to Kindergarten but he had a wonderful teacher.

Regarding the location - ours is at the end of our street and all the kids who go to it live in and around the street.

One mother who discovered her child was going to have to go to one much further away kicked up such a fuss that the authorities changed his Kindergarten to the local one. A place for him became free. I ought to add that this was done before he actually started there.

I'm not sure what you can do in your situation. The biggest problem is probably the social interaction with the other kids and I can't see any solution to that.

So where do all the kids from your neighbourhood go?

6
Get your kid out of there and go somewhere fun. The first 7 years of a kid's life are so very important, it's when your character type is established and you learn the basics that will form the template of the rest of your life. Having fun at Chindsgi is a vital part of this process.

My daughter did a two year stint at a Waldkindergarten and loved every minute, the more inclement the weather, the better. Rain, snow, sun and fog; every day we bundled her into a small fluorescent bundle and she couldn't wait to get out of the front door and meet up with her buddies and talk all the way up the street to the meeting point.

7
Schmidty, I can feel your pain.

If you cannot change the kindy, take that time to be the quiet time your kid will get that day. Organize yourself differently to compensate for the time he needs stimuli. I have noticed the same focus on discipline as opposed to the child being lively, talkative, expressive, interested and engaged, but you gotta realize, that different institutions and different cultures-countries will push different qualities in kids. Some really will prioritize a kid that is quiet, also because that might give them a break from some hellians they gotta deal with.

So, what I did was to change the day schedule, push myself hard to do all I need workwise and studywise when my child is in kindy. Then the rest, kid gets an outing, playdate, cooking together, movies, projects, trips, Ikea, garderie with random little strangers her age, museums, libraries, we also cook and do crafts, movie nights with neighbors kids, etc. I pick her up early, too, when I can, I also bring her to work, and she gets to hang with my knitting ladies, too. Check local sports, or church stuff for kids or scouts.

You cannot rely on kindy to supply all social life your child needs, if it works then it is a blessing, but when it does not, you gotta arrange it yourself.

Good luck, and believe me, it gets better when your shy child gets more confident in the group, some take longer. He might also be a little more timid considering the huge amount of language absorbing he is doing, if he is learning a language. Hugs to you both.

8
Wow that's tough. When your kid is unhappy, you can't be happy. Our daughter was also bored and not happy in Kindergarten. Luckily 1st class has been better.

I would try organizing a "play date" with another kid from the Kindski. Maybe for lunch or otherwise? It may help your son make some friends and you meet some other parents (who may also be unhappy with the teacher). Other parents are also appreciative to get a little break while their kid is at friend's place.

Good luck, I feel for you...

Dan

9

Excuse the OP for caring about her kids and excuse the OP for having a clue about her kids teachers.

10
I can see where you're coming from. I think we both know that the world has changed considerably, both for good and bad. Though I didn't live back in the good'ol days, I'm fairly certain even then people had different views of the same experience and worried for their children in a variety of ways absurd to us now.

11
I started school age 4! I turned 4 at the end of July and started school at the beginning of September!

I was miserable in school too but I was younger than everyone else! I also had to walk to school and it was 2 miles away so (In Ireland anyways) thats not so far!

I think it all shapes the person who you become so I can understand why the OP is concerned & wanting the best for her child!

12
I'm sorry to hear that your son is unhappy! My daughter starts Kindergarten this summer and I'd be heartbroken if she was in a similar situation.

I agree with the other posters that the way to get more social interaction is to arrange play dates outside of school, but is there no way to ask the school about the possibilities to change classes (at least for the start of next year)? I know that the Glatt school district (which covers Oerlikon, where we live) takes into account both language and location, so that German/Swiss German speakers are supposed to be equalized between Kindergartens.

The other possibility, of course, is private Kindergarten (that is recognized by the local school authorities-not an international school). We ended up choosing this option (for other reasons). It's crazy expensive, but it may be worth looking into (and a few, like ours, are subsidized).

13
When my 5 year old started last August he spoke no German (only English) and the rest of the kids or the teachers did not speak English. He goes to a daycare 9 kms from the school, no basically no after school friends. The system was new for us and honestly i was not used to children being on their with minimal or even no supervision from the teachers. When i asked the teacher, she said the child needs to 'feel' what he or she wants and only then they can help. it was the same with the mid-day snack - if my son did not feel hungry, he never ate! I cannot say the initial months were enjoyable, but like the rest of the things in Switzerland, I hope it would get better with time and it did

I appreciate the system now and i have no regrets that i put him in the local school rather than the international school. Honestly even in the worst initial months, i did not discuss it with anyone other than my husband. Now my son enjoys the kindergarten and i am proud to be mom of an independent 5.5 year old who knows what he wants

That said, if your child does not at all enjoy the kindergarten, i think you can talk to the gemeinde and get the school changed. it is possible in ours but we need to have a good reason to ask for the change.

14
Will your child be attending the same class with the same teachers next year? If yes, you might want to consider moving him to the other classroom.

Good luck.

15
We kicked up a fuss too and wrote to the Schulegemeinde. They were adamant there was no space as every child was already assigned.

There are many children in our neighbourhood: only 2 in my son's age (he and another girl), other children are in the second kindergarten either in his school building or in 3 other neighbouring kindergartens. No kidding, but there's a kindergarten exactly 600m from our home. Instead he rides the bus 1.5km away because we live on the right side of the street, not the left. His classmates all come from the apartments around the kindergarten itself so of course most of them have been well-aqcuainted for years before they went to kindergarten especially as many of their families are from same/similar cultures.

I love what you've said about your situation because it's exactly what I had imagined it would be like. My (half) Swiss child romping off with the neighbour boy to do low-key type of Swiss boy mischief until they arrive at a kindergarten where the teacher lovingly reproaches them for wanting to paint too many Christmas pine cones.

16
Oh boy that sounds like fun!

17
Cheers MusicChick, and I really like that approach actally. I've been relying on the kindergarten to stimulate his learning; no wonder I'm dissapointed in the results.

My son was so quiet at first they didn't think to draw him out of himself, they actually assumed (despite a Swiss name and his records) that he didn't speak SG. 4 weeks in he came home with a notebook titled "German for Foreigners". Now I don't mind the extra German lessons but you'd think the teachers would've figured it out or at least contacted us to be sure.

18
Yes, same kindergarten. Scarier bit is his sister is also due to attend next August. We've started the process of staking a claim on a closer kindergarten.

19
Thanks Dan,

Yes that's what we've done with the other girl in the neighbourhood and she comes round for a playdate now and then. Though they have some complaints about the schooling in general they still see it as a way for them to work while kids are safe.

Thanks for your thoughts.

20

You know how they say "Home is where the heart is"? I too walked a long way to kindergarten and had no understanding of English. It could have been miserable but the teacher was a most kind and intutive woman and that made all the difference.

I could put aside the distance, the lack of neighbourhood friends etc. If he'd actually go there and feel a positive difference in his life had been made that day by the people paid to create a nurturing environment.

I've been a teacher and I know that no matter the curriculum, the person at the front of the class makes all the difference in how a child perceives those few hours. It's not always easy but children at this age can be soooo inspired by the enthusiasm of the adult at the helm.