Look, right now you've both got jobs you like. You're reasonably well-off, got somewhere to live, friends to go out with and seeing plenty of each other. Staying put is an option for you two, and not altogether a bad one from the sounds of it.
But say you move to Basel, start a job, find a flat, make some friends - now what? Now either he's got to quit, sell and move, or you've got to quit, sell and move, and the question becomes which one. In essence, you'd be taking his currently preferred option (go on just as you are) off the table and moving a step closer to your currently preferred option. Fine if that's what you both decide on - but just be aware that it doesn't exactly scream "compromise", especially if you're the one proposing it. Even if he did end up joining you in Switzerland, it'd be easy for him to feel he was railroaded into it.
What about a week's holiday here together? I did that before I moved to Zürich, and it really helped.
You could try coming over yourself first, like someone pointed out, and see if you like it.. perhaps you can come together and treat it like a short break/getaway. Sometimes I think if you try too hard, the other person shuts down, retracts and stops listening. He needs to make his own mind up eventually.
I visited my husband 2 or 3 times for 2 weeks at a time before we shut house in London and moved here. It helps to not be under pressure especially if you both enjoy what you are doing in life. It can seem selfish to your partner if he can't see anything in it for him. Its definately an oppertunity to experience a new culture and fantastic surroundings, but what he needs to do is come here with an open mind, infact both of you need to come with an open mind and accept that you both could feel differently about it in the end.
Coming to Switzerland because of your partner and not having a job etc is no fun for a man who loves his work (by the sound of it). This is why my ex-wife now lives in the UK with our 2 children - and she spoke fluent German. She couldn't adjust to the challenge, couldn't find work and it all got too much. Sorry for being brutally honest but sometimes these things can happen in what you think is the most stable relationship.
Saying that, there are a lot of positives that Switzerland can offer your boyfriend and I hope you can persuade him to come out with you and enjoy it. It really is a great place to be if he gives it a chance, including a good support network through this forum and lots of places where English speaking people meet and socialize.
Whatever hobbies or interests your boyfriend has he will probably be able to do here in Switzerland, in a clean, safe and generally friendly environment.
If there's anyone in the Basel area who would fancy meeting for a beer or two to discuss your experiences of moving there, I'd be grateful for your time?!
I'm sure for us there will be ups and downs....for example i've been looking for jobs online and i can't find anything in Advertising (English speaking)! This is slightly worrying, but i'm hoping that if we keep our finances in check we should be able to live off my partners salary to begin with. I'm not sure if your salary could allow you to do the same?? Once your partner is on Swiss turf i'm sure it will be much easier for him to find a job. I know that you mentioned working in an office is a no no for him, but it may be something that he will need to consider. Maybe try to keep options open a bit. Im sure most spouses that relocate often put there own careers on the back burner to begin with. It's about give and take. I really think you should both go for it!! As far as i can see you have no commitments, i.e. no kids, no mortgage. So what's stopping you!! You'll have a whale of a time! If not, you can both come back to the UK. At least you can say to yourselves that you gave it a bash and although it didn't work out you had some great times exploring this part of the world and the rest of europe.
I think the best way to get him to come round to the idea is:
1. visit Basel
2. searching recruitment websites and companies (opportunities that could be a possiblity for him)
3. a list of pros and cons (maybe one for practical and the other emotional)
4. Google search about the area, images, maps etc (get excited about it!!)
For example did you know that if you do a google maps search you'll find that in the car Milan is only 3hrs 30mins from Basel!! Cannes in the south of France is only 7hrs!! And Venice is only 6 hours!! You could drive to these places in a day and have a long weekend!! This is what got me hooked on to the idea of moving! Give it a go! Let me know if it works!
Some English Speaking recruitment websites: (not all relevant but useful)
http://www.worldradio.ch/classifieds-v2/
http://www.easyexpat.com/en/geneva/j...ecruitment.htm
http://www.jobup.ch/home.asp?lang=EN
http://www.eurograduate.com/job_search_en.asp
http://www.iun.ch/index.cfm/en/iun/s..._opportunities
Just one thing to bare in mind with your new company....will they be offering a relocation package? Plus need to think about visa's, health insurance and rental value. I'm not sure of rental in Basel, but i've been looking at Geneva prices and i nearly had a heart attack!
All of the above things can seem to be a bit of a headache but you shouldn't let it put you off. Just think there are many many couples on this forum and beyond that have been in exactly the same position as you.
Good Luck!!!
I would advise you to ask your prospective employer, at the interview, if the HR have any help for trailing spouses. Many do, as the organisation realises that to keep the employee, they also need to settle the spouses. Coming home after a hard day at the office, having to put on a brave face listening to your other half moaning about how difficult to find self raising flour, is not the easiest thing and yes, for some it can be a recipe for disaster.
Another point, I am not married to my partner. He had to have 4 months wage slips validated at a notary and sign a form to say he was prepared to sponsored me up to 30,000.
Get your BF into intensive German lessons so he feels like he is doing something. A good odd job man is worth his salt and I am sure if he is reliable and gets a reputation among the English speakers for putting up flat pack and such, he would soon find his "to do" list growing.
A good positive attitude and a little creativity and flexibility go a long way. As other have said, railroading someone won't work unfortunately.
Best of luck,
Gal x
The fact that we are in a global recession, you both have good jobs & you say he is really happy with his makes me wonder why you want to risk this, not just for you but for him too. And for your relationship.
I really don't understand why I'm told that I should be less dramatic by some people here who have probably never been in a situation like yours but there you go.
Life-changing moves like this should be planned WAY in advance, and not carried out until both parties are 100% sure that it's a good move for both of you. He is happy in the UK, probably has a comfortable job and good friends... and not only do you want to rip him away from that, but you have the cheek to come onto the forum and refer to him as the "trailing spose" and make out light-heartedly as though he is a ball and chain around your foot.
Tell him to create an account on the forum and read this thread so we can give him some solid advice too, it sounds like he's more in need of the support given that you obviously don't give too much of a chuff about what he thinks about all this!
What are his hobbies? Does he like sports? Learn to ski? Bike the Alps?
What motivates him? Maybe you could buy a dilapidated farmhouse (in adjacent France) which he could fix up? Would be a challenging and satisfying task?
If it's any help, there is a group of English-speaking Hausmen that meet up every Wednesday lunchtime from about 12h15 at Café Zic-Zac . Why not suggest that your B/F visit them when your come over for your recce visit to Basel. He can get there by taking the Tram 6 or Bus 36 to Morgartenring.
He will have the opportunity to meet a number of "trailing spouses", whether married or not, of various ages and backgrounds.
More especially, there's likely to be someone there who has had as many doubts and concerns about coming to CH as he has.
Some may well still feel this way! Others will be able to relate the "surprisingly" good things they have subsequently discovered about themselves, their relationship, and their surroundings.
Who knows - your BF may even get an idea or two about how he can use his Carpentry skills in a completely different area (not just geographical).
As for permits, none of the "members" who are co-habiting, rather than married, have had to apply for their permit in their own right. It has come as part of the package.
As for language, it would not unusual if your potential employer offered to fund German classes for both you and your BF. If they don't, there's no harm in asking!
You might also see if your potential employer can lend you a car or organise a rail pass for you both during your recce trip. Then you will really be able to see what recreational delights the country has to offer, whether that be up a mountain, on a lake, or in a different city.
Good luck!
There's a real dearth of info about cohabitees getting permits as part of the package because the process is case by case. If you're in contact with these folks can you add/get any colour on the fact patterns? This comes up a lot and since there aren't any rules based requirements to point at it would be useful to have some first hand anecdotal examples.
Our moving to Basel (soon comming) came also out of the blue. My best friend has a position for the same company I will start working for but is located in Barcelona and she said there was a job opening for a position similar to hers (and the one I currently have) but in Basel.
I thought it would be a great chance and so went home, laid in bed and talked to my boyfriend. Told him what I thought of and also told him, if he would not consider moving then applying for the job was out of the question. He told me he needed a week to think, came back next friday with a marriage proposal.
Things have worked well, we are getting married soon and then moving to Basel in July...hectic and a bit stressful but the company I'll be working for is arranging everything.
I think that what helped him decide is that I told him that the important thing was for us to be together and that if he did not want to move I would not pursue this career move any further. He told me that he thought my career was very important so he would give it a go. The fact that we would later like to buy a big hosue in France or Germany was also a plus, he is in love with the idea.
Just talk to him about what he thinks and consider him first, it will always be harder for him since he has no certainty of a job ...
Good Luck!
One thing we've found here is that while we can get by between my wife and I doing things here in Lausanne in French...the moment we find a native English speaker, we tend to use them exclusively.
Take insurance for example - yes we could have gone through forms and handled things ourselves but finding someone like Jenny here on EnglishForum was a godsend (ok and at the time we initially needed her, our French was pretty basic but even now, we still recommend her to anyone we can). That and my wife recently gave birth at the CHUV here in Lausanne - at the CHUV every expat ends up knowing about "the Irish nurse who speaks English" there.
While everyone here wants to be acclimated and integrated into Swiss life, there are comforts to knowing that what you want to say is understood by the person you're talking to in the way it is meant to be conveyed.
Its one thing if he makes up his mind and commits to transitioning here, and its another if someone else makes that decision for him. This is really something he needs to make his own conscious decision to do. Otherwise, he'll probably shift blame for his difficulties onto something other than himself, instead of taking responsibility. The blame and responsibility can land on you. That can't be good for your relationship.
I've seen many cases of this. Some transition very well, while others have a horrible time. If he is American or Australian, I would advise not to do it. If he is English, I suppose its an easier transition.
My recommendation is to make absolutely sure that this is a commitment he is willing to make. I wouldn't do it half-as$ed. Otherwise, there is a good chance he will be miserable within the year.
Switzerland is a fantasic place! The weather is better then it is in the UK, the public transport works better then it does in the UK, the medical services are worldclass, the outdoor activities are great, its a great place for kids and it is far less crowded etc.
But listen, let me ask a darker question? Why aren't you married? Is it because your not sure if this guy is really the right man? To be brutally honest if you are being offered a great opportunity here, then he is being selfish for not supporting you. Your not asking him to move to India or Africa, we talking about Switerland where the standard of living is higher then the UK? And your offering to support him...
I am sure if he is very good with his hands he will find work in the expat community if he must work, may not be in his trade in the purest sense but then look at all the other positive aspects.
Let me put this a different way. If you come over and he spends his time exploring Switzerland, going out for coffees with mates, drinks in the evenings within them too, etc how are you going to feel? Are you expecting him to cook for you in the evenings? keep the your place clean? Who does that now? Is the role reversal that he is afraid of? Money perhaps?
I would clear the air on these two subjects first, role and money.
I think you should see what comes of your trip here and if your BF likes the city and take it from there. I personally (and I know my BF agrees) feel that this is the best move we could ever have made - standard of living is so much higher here, life is pretty stress free and there is so much to do and see. If you need any more advice please feel free to get in touch.