Tots will always test you. Your kid is not different than any others. What you see on the street does not mean the kids are better behaved, they were only exposed to consistency a lot earlier, maybe. You are not a bad mom for being soft with your first child when she just hits the testing phase. We all learn when parenting, all the time, time to move on to another strategy.
Kids will always test moms more, since the bond is probably closer, especially if you stay with her while your partner works, they know how you function and also that you will cut them a slack since you know them better. Dad is a lot more special to her, inspires and stimulates more right in this phase, it is proven dads are pushing kids more to learn and perform, when kids left the safe baby stage (completely mom dependent). Of course she will behave better for him, especially if you are the disciplining person. Share the dirty job. Equally. No dady playing time while you cook dinner and police your child, have him share this duty, play afterwards.
I know this will sounds like a herecy, but I totally enjoy temperamental kids, more than the uber well behaving quiet ones, those who have been "worked on" too much. I work with troubled kids, and while it is horendously difficult, there is such joy in dealing with strong characters, kids who surprise, who don't conform easily to our sometimes overly discipline obsessed world. The fact your child has her own head is great. You know she has a head, she is using it correctly for figuring out all the mischief there is, it is only a little trouble now - how to socialize her and get her respect your authority.
I really like your consequence approach, that has always worked for us. We also have a special child, super quiet in public, but very stubborn with people she is comfortable with. We had to push the consequences further, stay very very consistent, while giving her all the love and reasoning she needs. I wouldn't blink an eye and walk away from her, get myself out of her sight and not look back if she had a fit and didn't want to hold my hand or walk with me. If you cave in, laugh or walk away a few meters while still supervising her, it does nothing. Just turn around the corner so she does not see you and then you will see she responds. All kids do, if the security is not all of a sudden there.
There are other consequences, one does not have to be mean or harh, but one way to get your right to decide, your authority back is really set the rules, stick to them - bed times, food times, etc. I never did the 1-2-3 counting since I have seen so many desperate moms doing the "please please don't make me be mean please 1 and half 1 and three quarters" it was a joke. Ask once, give a benefit of the doubt that she didn't hear, then act.
Be stern and firm, but calm and kind. Kid didn't want to take a shower, off she went under the shower with her clothes and pantoufles on. Kid didn't want to put her toys away, off they went into hiding. Long hiding. Days. Kid was rude, whiney or yell, the program for the day got councelled. Some toys and candy went to trash. Etc. No hitting, ever. No grabbing toys from others. Respect. No food throwing. They understand the drill so much easier when they are about 3, so give it time.
Now, your child is only 22mo, really, they are not evil, and all of them are like this. You are most probably frustrated with the shock that your baby is not the cute little obedient sleepy thing anymore, but that is absolutely normal. From now on, it will always be about strategy. Better earlier than later.
I absolutely aggree, be very careful about your NOs. If you abuse saying NO all the time, without offering explanation, without picking the battles, you just end up restricting your child pointlessly to set some formal authority in, but kids always rebel against meaningless tasks, even the little ones, powerstruggles are better to be avoided with creativity and flexibility.
And, this has always worked for us. Aren't we all so tired of those very abnoxiously loud parents who sit on their butts and expect their kids to behave without their involvement? Who is going to do the parenting for them? Pressuring bystenders since they can't put up with the laziness anymore? Ugh. Ok, pet peve.
Good luck. It will definitely pass. Just be strong. Then you will have a delightful little unique person, who knows where the boudaries are, who to listen to and how we are all learning. Not just kids. There is no point in over doing it and ending up with a lifeless robot, who is scared to make the tiniest noise.
Proceed to ignore tantrum.
Reinforce the next time before you go out - issue warning if she's being naughty and carry out punishment again. If Spot - whatever this is - really means alot to her like Barney is for my nieces, I reckon the message will sink in.
It worked my nieces (who are 3 and 5) but I will let other parents on here answer that.
How does she act when you all go out for a walk i.e when her Daddy is with you, does she behave or run off?
I was never fan of leashes since sometimes you have to retrain your child to be a lot more careful when you release the leash. And then they really flee, headlessly, since the leash provided control without their involvement. Works differently for everybody, ours wouldn't put up with it. But we were strict with not having our hands pulled when walking holding hands, and not bolting into streets, parking lots, no running into streets, etc. Friends had a trouble trying to get their rumbunctious boy get used to walking normally when off leash, I just saw some granny having a child tied to her pram with a very very short leash constantly tripping over her own feet. But some people are very successful with it.
Ok so how did Daddy deal with her running off when he said bye?
You bolt, the outing is over.
And prams, only if they are don't know how to sneak out (ours did even out of the straps) or don't know how to knock it over. Yes. Some are determined.
I am sure Positive parenting will have some answers, too, some of their ways are very inspiring..
Is there anything she is afraid of? At that age my son was afraid of tigers and when he went wandering off and refused to co-operate I just told him to watch out because there is a tiger behind him. He couldn't return fast enough after that
i was also afraid of being left behind after running away once and being left in the cold and rain for 2 hours before i found the way back to my house. i made sure to stay close to my mum on future outings to avoid getting left behind again.
Absolutely. Our kids each tried it once. The consequences when we found out stopped it happening again.
The trick there is to be creative with the carrying. Upside down by one ankle... or tucked under one arm. But do be aware of flailing hands and feet.
I remember watching a program where they were dealing with difficult kids. When one of the kids was persistently running off, the expert ran after him, caught him, then pinned him to the ground. She only let him up again when he promised not to run off. After that he followed her around like a little lamb.
Yein. In Enaj's defence, I think it does depend a little what you are talking about using. e.g. a tiger or dragon will be useful while the child is small, but they'll soon realise that it is an "empty" threat as they get older - by which time the good behaviour should hopefully be instilled. Although by then the therapy bills might be costly...
That said, I had a very unsuccessful moment yesterday, when I was very "mad" while putting my child yet again all dressed into a shower and then we both started laughing...Meh, it is good to realize that it is all in our hands. It's not stressful, if we do it right, it should get progressively easier.