Swiss German to English, please!

Hello!

I am friends with a guy from Switzerland who is staying with us for three months. He is really fun, but the Swiss German is driving me nuts, and he likes to tease me. I know a bit of German, so I can half understand somethings, and others I am completely clueless! The last straw was a few days ago on his fb when I was lightheartedly complaining about the complexities of Swiss German. He and a friend proceeded to have a conversation through the comments, several of which included my name. I want to know whats going on, so I can catch him! Please help me translate the following phrases (it is only part of the conversation, in order, and names and emoticons have been omitted) into English, I am getting so frustrated without a trusty dictionar y...ch-d üü tsch is so hard!

-versänk ere mou eine im Hingerstübli

-nenei, lieber nid! warte immer no bis du chunsch u dasi di cha uftanke uha

- was meint das Stück! Jagere mou dis Kabu döre Gästeblock

- längi gschicht, nei nei

-dr Domi wörd di gärn iz Födle rammle; souhung, sicher nid

"Adult" content unsuitable for translation!

Aw Goldtop, if you don't do it you know someone else will!

No, No, No - absolutely not suitable for a translation here

Maybe. Let's see.

Duh, the start of yet another boring week but I hope not boring enough that we turn the forum into a translator service for random facebook entries.

Edit: Oh, the content does seem interesting enough now

Yes, it is rather rude isn't it - gave us a good laugh in the office though

Arg! Can we come up with an EF decoder ring or something?

Of course, those of us who do not yet have much grasp of Swiss German are going a bit nuts with curiosity...

I'll ask hubby to translate for me when he wakes up.

I must admit a colleague of mine had to translate it into high German for me, but I really can't post an English translation here - sorry.

How about French?!

Je ne parle pas le français.

(with help from google)

I doubt you'll find a dictionary translating this oh so lovely conversation.

Anyway, I don't know the exact equivalent of these expressions in English but its just a normal why don't you just f*** her/him banter good mates have with each other you know.

I'm am so sorry, I had absolutely NO IDEA!

Is it crazy that I still want to know, so that when I kill him I can feel better about it?

Okay, seriously, I have to know now!

Please email me any translation (especially German, because I will be able to decipher that, but preferably English) at the address below, without the spaces, obviously.

moon . letters @ yahoo . com

THANK YOU!

You can't translate this kind of swiss german properly but here's a feeble attempt.

Those are special friends you have.

Sink her one in the back side

No No, I’m waiting till you come so I can tank you up ( no idea what that should mean)

What’s that thing saying? Thrust that cable through her guest section

Long story, no no

Dome would like to ram you in the c---t,. the pig! Definitely not!

out of curiosity, which canton is this guy from?

sounds like Bern

thanks. well, i think i've learned a couple new words today. thanks db and moonletters....

Yes, Berne.

Thanks for helping! I have some text that he wrote me, that he knows I'll never be able to figure out, he thinks it is hilarious that I can't get the Swiss German. Now, I'm afraid to have someone translate it!

This is going to be an on going thing, but maybe I should find a different forum, lol.