Unwanted Parenting Advices

Family, Education, Health and Pets
1
I know we did had some conversations about it somewhere but couldn't find it.

So here we go, I needed to get it out of my chest and found two articles about how to deal with unwanted parenting advices.

This one gives tips how to deal with strangers , and the other one help to deal with family and friends .

I am getting very angry when someone think I want to hear their opinions on how I raise my daughter. I didn't have much from strangers yet but more from friends or friends of friends....

You know those single, no kids? We were out last summer with some friends and my daughter (who wasn't 2) began to run away very far from us while I was calling her. When I did grab her she went straight in time out with a piece of what I was thinking of her behavior. This friend who never had kids on her own felt the need to tell me that kids were only kids and I shouldn't punish her. We still didn't see her again.

Same thing happened with a couple with 2 kids (8-11) I will guess they forgot all about the terrible 2 because again, they had to tell me that kids are kids and they should be free to experiment when I am trying to control my daughter... I like them a lot, they are nice people with big heart, but also smart asses who knows better than you. Everytimes we are with them, I feel like an idiot who doesn't know anything about anything. Not seeing them much anymore too.

Today, it was this guy who doesn't know anything on how to raise kids because he doesn't have any and thinks that his brother's kids are enough to show him everything about how the whole raising kids thing works... Will pass judgement on the way you raise your kid. Call you General and that poor kid is under totalitarism gouvernment and why you can't have an other coffee? It doesn't matter the amount of cafeine you get while pregnant..... See the style?

And on the other hand, everytimes you try to stop you kid to hurt herself or someone, to make a big mess on the table, etc. You have this very sweet granny who thinks kids can do everything they want without any consequences and tells you that everything is ok, that nothing matter...

It gives you a nice time at the sunday morning brunch.

All of them have no freaking idea what my daughter is like. They have no idea what is her personality and what she is stobburn about. They don't know that when yesterday we went to Baby One she did five tantrums in 20 minutes because she is a strong willing kid and she needs to have some boundaries. If one day I say no to her and the time I am with one of those well intentioned people who just want to ''help" I say yes because they push for it, I am going to pay the price for days after that...

2
Well, as a single and no kids person, I get more upset with parents who are very lenient with their children, like the one who let her little terror repeatedly jump on to my Navyboot shoes in the tram the other day. So I told the mother off, saying that I didn't appreciate badly behaved brats jumping up and down on my feet and the expensive shoes they are occasionally contained in. So SHE said "he's just a kid!".

The other extreme is parents who are cruel or demeaning to their children, who smack them repeatedly in public, that sort of thing. Then I say something too. But time out is a well known method of disciplining a kid and if you don't let them know who's boss right from the start, they WILL walk all over you. So I'd just tell them that you prefer to be a little too strict but not have them grow up into unmanageable monsters later on.

3
As long as you keep your kids quiet in public places I don't care if you get your childrearing tactics from Joseph Fritzl..

4
It would be awful if, for example, someone commented on another parent letting their child eat at McDonalds.

5
I don't like when parents let their kids running, screaming and rulling all over the place either. If I am in the tram with my daughter, I make it sure that her feet are not on someone's else. She is very kind and talk to people, send kisses and wave at them. I didn't see anyone bad reacting at that, ever! Even teenager boys are melting.

I don't like my daughter to scream at home as much as I don't like her to scream in a public place. I am trying my best to teach her how to behave with other people and if it does make me strict to other people, so it is.

Believe me, it is waaaay easier to let the kids do what ever they want than teaching them, correcting them, controling them. I think a lot of people are just giving up at some point.

6
I love seeing parents like you, trying to educate and civilize their children, so don't worry about what those other people say. Keep up the good work, and your reward will be a lovely and successful credit to the human race.

Being too lenient with your children doesn't help them in the long run, and if kids are old enough to be in public for extended periods of time, they are old enough to learn how to be considerate of others. I'm perhaps idealistic as I have no children of my own. Admittedly, I do have many opinions on the subject of child-rearing though.

7
Nil, there are busy bodies that always stick their nose in, and give you advice on how to parent your own children. It's happened to me, and the children aren't even mine! ( I'm a nanny, in case that raises questions)

I was really angry with this woman for the rest of the afternoon. Anyway, try not let it get to you.

There are three different types of parenting, and not everyone can be the ideal.

See:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/art...ve.html?cat=25

8
exactly what I was going to say

9
A few years ago, I was walking out of a parking lot when little girl who was about 6 years old came running and screaming from behind me and was really misbehaving badly. Her father commented on how he does not wish to quash her creativity and allows her to express herself. I thought it was a bit odd but I did not pass any judgement as I did not have any kids of my own at the time and was pretty much clueless.

Looking back now I kind of understand what he was attempting to do.. I don't agree with his method but hey, you know, at the end of the day we are all trying to do what we think is the best for our children. If people comment adversely on what we are doing, I think it's only because they might think they are helping in some way. They just don't know how to put it across in a civil manner.

Children need discipline, structure, balance and routine in their lives. It gives them a solid foundation and a sense of security.

For what it's worth, from what I read on your posts, your are a wonderful mom.

Just ignore them mia bella.

10
hey nill - hit the singles up for more babysitting...if they want to pass judgement on your methods - let them try....but i agree with you - every child is unique and what works for one will never work for the other!

i realize this may sound a bit weird, but you need to learn to make like a duck a bit and let it run of your back - you will in any case only take advice from someone you trust and when you ask - so just ignore them like a radio commercial!

good luck, from sandaleen, mother of 7 year old ADD blond son with a heart of gold and the emotional manipulation ability of his grandmother!!!

11
Have you considered the use of the stare with a slowly and clearly said "oh really? how interesting" or "how very kind of you to share your opinion" combined with a sickly sweet smile usually gets the message across.

I can't remember the last time someone offered me unsolicited advice on my parenting. I'm looking forward to it

12
Being parents is much more difficult than I expected. Not only you have to take care of your kids but you also have to handle people as well.

On one side you have those anti-kids who believe kids are just there to scream, disturbed and create a mess. They are the kind who never been kids themself. They came on earth already grown up adults. Those persons will give you '' the look'' at any disturbance what so ever coming from kids and they will let you know.

On the other side, you have the people who praise the kids on every kind of level. They see kids as gift form Gods and no one should never ever stop them and let them have total freedom to express themselves.

And you are the idiot in the middle who can't ever make everyone happy. You get comments, opinions and insults from both side.

To Adrian, Yeah yeah, I hear you about the french fries.... I'll die with it, I know. The difference here is I am not going to the mother to tell her how wrong I think she is. I don't tell her how to take care of her kids. I do pass judgement, yes. EVERYBODY does it. No one is a Saint here who never judge anyone. Only Hypocrites try to let us believe it. You can think what ever you want but you don't have to tell me. Big difference!

13
Those are great advices. They are also on the website's links I put in the intro!

Thanks

14
I am very patient with kids and really almost never have said something to parents except: when a kid was freaking annoying me to which I would tell my friend/family member to either stop it or I will...that is of course if they are visiting me if not I just leave.

And the second time I have meddled has been when a family member called her son an imbecil in front of me, later I told her that I did not want to interfere but that I thought it was a bit harsh, she said thank you and told me she had not even noticed...

Anyways, I see myself having children pretty soon so all I have said is going to be worth cr@p

15
Just like my husband

16
Tell me about it! I find myself having to raise an husband AND a kid....

17
Have we met?

I was a serious kid. But then I wouldn't have DARED be anything else than a serious kid, at least when my father was there. If I had behaved like some of the kids I see, he would have told me he'd leave me right there and never come back. He did put me out of the car once for crying (I was tired, it was late, I hadn't eaten since lunch) and drove off. I never, ever cried again. While this is extreme and I can't say I have come unscathed out of his all or nothing parenting approach, less extreme actions are probably effective too. The problem is, parents threaten to do something and then they don't go through with it. Way to make yourself look like an idiot...

18
And this is why we should never put an ultimatum that we will not follow!

I had a pretty though mother myself. The authoritarian type, wasn't fun and let a bitter taste on my childhood memories.

As much as I don't want to be like her, I know that I don't want to be the total opposite either. I have no scientifics studies at all under my hand but I do see quite of a connection between the way someone see kids and the way they grow up as a kid...

19
Ok, this will sound harsher than I mean it, but...I think we know parenting is more difficult than you expected. If one feels secure with their parenting choices, then it does not phase this person out if there are a few people who disagree...Why do you feel like you have to deal with others? Explain yourself all the time to them, defend your parenting,etc..Shrug it off, do your thing, be happy about it. It is aggravating that there are busybodies who feel their advice is not only appreciated but NEEDED, haha..Let them live with their skewed feeling of self importance. And just laugh at them.

Some people become insecure, when parents, or when they do anything new, but it does not mean people are trying to constantly criticize you, really. Confident people radiate, most people leave radiating parents alone. I also think there are times in one's life we become extremely sensitive to assumed criticism, even when it is not really there.

I think, personally, parenting is somewhere in between strict and lenient, the mix is up to you. To say it is ultimately better to be lenient, at all situations, or to say the only true way is to be strict, is nonsense. I also noticed a few of my fellow moms to be severely strict when they do not believe in themself, because they are constanty afraid things get out of their control. Controlling is not always the best. Jumpiong people's shiit for them just merely voicing their opinion when one is all paranoid about "yet another smart alek" who wants to critisize me again...Hmmmm. I think you worry too much. Or want to be considered perfect, by all. It's enough to just be happy inside, with what you do, then you stop worrying about opinions of others. I am sure your closest ones do consider you perfect, and that's all that matters, init.

And. Now. I. Should. Really. Get. Me. Coat.........

20
I try to use this as much as possible, its hard, and I slip, but it gets easier with practice.