What does this conversation mean in Albanian?

Language Corner
1
Sorry, I know it’s long, but could someone translate this conversation please?

A: Ckemi mir ti, me asht prish tel edhe skam ps iber me te shkru

B: N fakt thashe ca pati q s ktheu pergj, por its ok. Mir jw ti? Tel c pati?

A: Bateria neser me vjen tjetra tash provoj me e nderru vet po ashtu tash blej tel tjeter

Po bahet nja i jav pa tel pernjat

Mir kam qen pun ikyt jav, te marten kam ken ne nje parc lojnash

B: Ooo c kenqe knaq!! Kshu ka lezet, frytet e punes

A: Po po ishim 2 cifte jena knaq

B: Heeej po ma trego shoqen

A: (photo) brunja ne mes

B: Hmm ok qenkaa

Por cmoon find nj sweet, sh e eger dukeet

A: hein?

B: Duket q wsht e madhe o njeriii

A: haha e di mo lale (photo)

B: Ktu shuuum m mir

Duke person i lirsheem pa kompleksee

Dhe qenka sweet

A: Nuk esht keq kemi pak a shum te njejtin ti p

B: U ngutaa

A:

B: Po basgk skeni dale?

A: Po po akoma skemi fjet se kshu kemi dal 2 HER vetem

Po foto skam se me eshte prish tel edhe skam bas asnji

B: Ouuu? Cne e paske zgjat kaq sh :P

A: Asht vajz bajagi e pjekun

Kshuqe avash avash skam gja per ngut :P

B: Epo tani 30 vjec e mos me qen e pjekuur :P

A: Po ngaqe asht e divorcume lale nuk e ka pas jeten e thjesht pernjat

B: E divorcuaar wtf. Ka dhe fmi?

A: haha, jo

B: Hej ika unaa neser zgjimi n 6 mcojn per zhelesh prej gjumiii... Folim prap neser, Ishalla po t rreg tel

2
Whatsapp, email message copied?

3
Having read it, I’d say it means that you’re spying on someone, probably illegally, and that we’re not going to do your dirty work for you.

4
Why ask an English speaking forum in Switzerland to translate something in Albanian?

5
A: Bateria neser me vjen tjetra tash provoj me e nderru vet po ashtu tash blej tel tjeter

Po bahet nja i jav pa tel pernjat

The battery of the gizmo run out before she.... the rest I don't get

A: Po po ishim 2 cifte jena knaq

Then she went to the toilet and didn't come back.

B: Heeej po ma trego shoqen

Can you find her for me?

A: (photo) brunja ne mes

See?, she's a brunette.

B: Hmm ok qenkaa

Por cmoon find nj sweet, sh e eger dukeet

She's sweet but she tends to hide under the duvet

A: Po ngaqe asht e divorcume lale nuk e ka pas jeten e thjesht pernjat

Under the duvet? I'd divorce the shit out of her

B: E divorcuaar wtf. Ka dhe fmi?

Divorce her? wtf? I only want to find her.

B: Hej ika unaa neser zgjimi n 6 mcojn per zhelesh prej gjumiii...

I don't know why, she has 6 cojones....

You're welcome

6
From google translate:

A: Well, you wanna hear the phone and I'll write it

B: I actually said there was something left to say, but its ok. Mir jw ti? Tel c pati?

A: Battery tomorrow comes the other now I try it with the same change now also buy the other wire

You can get a wireless walkie talkie

Good I've been working this week, Tuesday I've got in a playground

B: Ooo c kenqe knaq !! There is no doubt about the fruits of the job

A: Yes we were 2 pairs jena satisfied

B: Hey, tell my friend

A: (photo) brunja ne mes

B: Hmm ok the dog

But cmoon find a sweet, savory bitter

A: hey?

B: It looks like you're great man

A: haha ​​and mo lale (photo)

B: Here shuuum m mir

Having a free person without complexity

And she is sweet

A: Not bad we have more or less the same p

B: She's hesitating

A:

B: What about the basgk scene dale?

A: Yes, it is still a schematic that we have come out 2 HER only

Yes, the picture is that my phone is broken and my scam is too low

B: Ouuu? The last one lasts so long: P

A: Asht vajz bajagi and bake

Scratchy tips for hastening: P

B: Well now 30 years old and not with a dog: P

A: Yes, because divorce is not a simple life

B: And divorce wtf. Is there a kid?

A: haha, yeah

B: Hey, I wake up tomorrow in 6 mcojn for sleeping anger ... We are still talking tomorrow

Tom

7
Only thing I understood was shumë mirë. I'm such a positive person

I wouldn't recognize it as being Albanian to be honest. And not only because all the " ̈" are missing. Then again the title asks <> What ever the language really is, I would simply translate it to:

None of your business.

8
Apparently I was wrong. Some people will do your (incredibly simple) dirty work for you.

9
Ms Marple's translation looks accurate to me. You get what you pay for, especially when spying on others and then asking EF to help.