When to tell a new partner whom you want to marry you have a child?

Family, Education, Health and Pets
41
Funny, I was thinking she could sleep with him, wait till she's pregnant with this guy she already supposedly wants to marry.. then she can tell him she's pregnant AND she already has a kid at the same time!

42
Oh, I get it..... You gave him the old "Im a Virgin" pick up line. French guys always fall for that, hook-line-and-Sinker...

I used to use the same line when I lived in the Bible Belt. But when I moved to Europe the locals require you to be a slut before marriage or they think youre sexually unqualified for marriage.

For some one who is hoping to marry a French guy you sure seem to be clueless about the culture.

43
You should tell him immediately - I think that's been made pretty clear, yeh? Just sit him down with some pictures and say "I have something important to tell you, this is my little girl, yadda yadda". Note that, as a 25 year old, he might be scared off and not interested in continuing - waiting to tell him probably won't change that reaction if that ends up being his reaction. Maybe he's interested in marriage, but getting married for the permit is probably a bad idea (*cough*understatement).

Other things of note - your ex might not be happy if you skate off to Europe with his daughter who he sees many times a week now. Do you have a custody plan in place? (It sounds like you weren't married before, so probably don't have anything official)

44
And I'm 25, so we can put our heads together and work this one out.

Oh no wait, I think my opinion has already been covered here.

45
I'm a 25 year old French guy and I'm dating this woman who seems to be holding something back from me. I think she hangs out on forums looking for someone to enlighten her with the blatantly obvious.

Does anyone here know how American women could be if they say, moved from San Francisco to Genève? I'm not sure what she's done with her kid as she never mentions anyone, but there's this massive C-section scar that's getting me a bit worried .......

46
OK!!! EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!!!

Lets hatch a plan to make this work. We need to figure out a way to make the news MUCH happier than it might normally be for this French guy.

When ever I go to some shit-hole African country I always lower my moms expectations before I go, like: Hey mom guess what? Im going to Iraq for a month!......... (((((dead silence)))))...... ha ha, just kidding mom. Im only going to Somalia for a week... So dont be worried"....

It helps.

So look, why not sugar him up first. Like, invite him over to watch some porn. tell him how much you like to watch girl-on-girl porn with him ("Youre the best Jaque!").... and then be like "guess what! I have a daughter".... He aint gonna care after that. He's gonna be like "dats cool"....

Trust me. It will work..... Problem solved, pats on the back for Zuger... No no, youre welcome.

47
I actually wanted to write something sensible along the lines of: I would be honest, after all your daughter is part of you, your life, and if he really cares and you two are meant to be together, you will. Then I read this:

Let me get this straight: you are going out with a guy that you've only just met, and you're already talking about marriage (in your head, at least), you haven't told him about your daughter, you ask a bunch of random strangers for advice on an internet forum for English speaking people in Switzerland*, you get surprised and pissed off that people find this hilarious to say the least, worrying at the most, and WE are the immature people?

*By the way, France is the country next door, you know...

48
Dear OP,

If your new flame has a child, when do you feel it would be right for him to tell you?

A secure person would say: the first date

An insecure person would say: after I've made sure he knows I'm the best lay he's ever had and ever will get

A person who knows the answer but refuses to believe it would say: Dear EF Forum, I need your help.....

49
Dear OP, looking on the bright side, you earned a couple of karma brownie points by making random strangers on the net feel better about themselves.

50
I do not mean to judge you, but I do not see how one could leave such a big part of one-s life out every day conversation?

For me that would be one thing you say right up front, how can you be in love with him and he in love with you when he obviously does not know who you are?

51
After this comment I can only say:

52
You need to tell him now. How do you know you want to marry this guy when he hasn't met your daughter?

A big, big part of the decision I made when marrying my wife was how she got on with my two children from my previous marriage. If there had been any friction, or any doubt as to that part of the relationship between them, then I wouldn't have married her.

I guess he will be surprised and probably not happy, but everybody is different.

53
My personal opinion is that you should tell the truth as soon as possible. Specially fast if you are really interested in him.

By the way, hidding an important part of the truth (having a daughther in this case) is equivalent to be lying.

54
I would be absolutely horrified if someone had kept this from me and I would break up with them when they told me, solely because I think it's an awful thing to conceal such a huge thing which you should have disclosed from the start.

I suppose you can try and hide your daughter from him forever, though.

I imagine he'll break up with you, that's exactly what I'd do.

55
If you can't bring yourself to mention your child to your new date then I'm afraid you have a lot of growing up to do my dear.

And if the guy walks out when you mention that you have a child then the relationship isn't destined to be long term.

I hope your child does not grow up feeling like an inconvenience to you.

Cheers,

Nick

56
What! he hasen`t see the strech mark yet??

57
Firstly, I'm assuming "committed relationship" means not married. It seems like you have made up your mind a bit quicker this time. I also agree with the others that it seems like you are jumping the gun a bit on the marriage thing with this guy. I can't imagine anyone not bringing up the fact that they have a child VERY early in the dating process. I would think that this is a no-brainer if you are thinking that the person may be marriage material. Maybe not the case if you started off thinking otherwise....but even then, it's strange behaviour.

Secondly, ".....Any insight" implies good or bad replies appreciated.

58
Might be shit-hole to you, but to some it's paradise!

59
Sleep with him, wait a couple of years, tell him it's his.

60
Anyone still up, here's Barbie Girl, featuring the delectable Lene!

Night all.