working mums - how do you do it?

Why is it always the mothers who have to step back in their career, work half-time or not at all? I know there are some stay-at-home-dads on the forum, but those are the exception. My kids are old enough to go to boarding schools and they love it there. Sadly enough this is the only way for me, I have a highly demanding, long-hour job but I love it.

I work as well- one day a week at a bakery/cafe. The remainder of my "work time" is spent teaching yoga classes. The convenience of this (aside from not having anyone compete for my position ) is being able to maintain my own schedule so I am home every morning & lunchtime for my daughter and once she arrives from school as well. Two nights a week, I teach in neighboring cities in the evening once my husband gets home from work. All of the rest of my classes are taught from my studio, which is conveniently located in the same building where I live.

I will say this: even on the one day per week at the bakery, my boss asks me who is looking after my daughter. It was a condition of my hiring that I had to justify/explain that my husband has her in his care and she is looked after. She's ten years old, not ten months.

On a side note: anyone know whether kanton Solothurn voted for or against all day schools? Hadn't heard more on it since the vote...

I`m curious - What reasons did people tend to give for voting against the all day scenario? Or what reasons were touted politically? I fully support parents who are not working while raising children, but from what has been posted earlier, it seems that many local mothers are staying home simple because theodd hours needed for childcare make it near impossible to juggle that with working. Wouldn`t all those people have then voted in favour of allday school, to simplify life?

I'm a working Mum (100%) but wish now that I could work 60 or 80%. My husband works 100% - 1 day at home with baby and 4 days in the office. My boss doesn't let me work from home . Fortunately it's a company creche and I can go visit at lunch time.

We both plan to reduce next year so baby only has to go to day care for 2 days a week instead of 4. She really loves it there, and I think it's good for her to have social contacts; but 4 days a week is too much. After a full day she's really had enough, and I miss her lots. #2 will come in to the picture at some stage too, so I won't be working 100% then with mega daycare costs!

Another solution for Mums with no day care options could be the neighbours. There are so many lovely stay-at-home Mums around my neighbourhood - some swiss and some long-time expats from Italy, Norway, Sweden etc. Perhaps you could get in touch with your community?

Purley out of curiosity are your children at boarding school here in Switzerland? Do you see them at weekends?

I work 100%, due to the nature of my job a career break to look after our children was not an option if I still wanted a career or even just a job in the field I work in. Over the years I have used a mix of child minders, krippes & nannies, the children have always been happy with their carers. They would quickly let me know if they were not.

There was an article recently in a UK magazine ("She") on how zears on, even if both parents work 100%, the wife still does 80% of the house stuff.

With house stuff they were mentioning all the nitty gritty orga things we women tend to just naturally pick up...

But what surprised me was a statement aroudn the fact that most women, if they had a husband with a big enough salary check, would choose not to work....

Do not believe it at all but was interesting to read this and did make me think...

Anyway, back on topic. We both work, our child is in Krippe 5 days a week. I work 80% from home but everyday with shorter hrs so she is reduced time in Krippe. Second one on its way and we will try same setup, let's see... the bill is MASSIVE but still covered especially considering the downside and potential future carerr cut back if I stopped...

But indeed, I think this is potentially the easiest time, krippe is open all day every day... I dread the KG and Primary and especially differing times between the 2 not to talk about hobbies and classes they will need to be taxied to...

Not an easy country, but knowing deep some of the others (Italy and Germany) I am not sure can be classified as worst of all...

K

I do translation work from home - probably 10%, but sporadic so it works out 60% some weeks and 0 others - and am a Tagesmutter for the daughter of a friend two mornings a week. If I were going out to work I would definitely check with all my friends whether any of them would like to be paid to cover lunchtimes or after school for me, or whether we could do a swap, I take all the kids one lunchtime and they take them another. You just have to be careful of the laws about how many hours people can look after a child for before they have to be officially registered and so forth. I think they changed the law last year.

Another option is find a school friend's mum who lives either near the school or near your own house, and ask her if she can pick up your child at lunchtime just for half an hour, which gives you an extra half-hour to get away from work. I do this one day a week for my son's best friend - no payment involved as I'm picking mine up anyway and then they play together while I make lunch, which keeps my son out of my hair! Occasionally she takes my son for half a day to repay me, although she doesn't have to, I'd do it anyway and I think a lot of mums would too.

Hope that's useful to someone. I know it doesn't solve the problem of full-time employment.

Michaela

Oh dear ! I have been thinking of that topic the last (almost) year wondering how it would be for an expat and my fears have become true. I live in Zurich now since Aug. 2008 and here it seems not to be any different. So whats the option for working ladies like us? No kids? Thats a bit sad I find......I would like to have children but all the above is really scaring me and thats why we do not have any (and will probably not in the next year).

Aren't there any expat mother groups maybe? I know that my friend in Vienna is in one where they support each other. Ok, situation in Austria is way better than here (maternity leave is 1 year plus - they have a choice).

To be honest, I am as annoyed as the next person about how difficult it is to sort out childcare arrangements here, but it isn't impossible - it can be done. Yes, it costs money and it's not easy, but it isn't impossible. There are Mittagstisch in a lot of places, and in some places (like Basel Stadt) you will find that a lot of daycares offer after school care up to age 11.

If you like out in the suburbs like me then there aren't so many options - but there is nearly always the option of a Tagesmutter (childminder).

I personally would steer clear of an informal arrangement with another parent. It sounds like a good idea, and I suppose if you know the other person really well then that's great. But I also know people who have done just that and then been regularly let down with such things as "I can't pick up x today because I have a dentist appointment" or "I can't have x for lunch today because I'm visiting a friend in Zurich" etc etc some people just don't take it as seriously if it's not a formal arrangement. At least if you have a Tagesmutter then you would be entitled to some notice if the arrangement will be canceled.

I think I am one of those women who if my husbands pay was large enough I would give up work like a shot. I do enjoy working and I'm sure I'd miss the social interaction and grown up time, but I think if money were no issue then I would prefer not to have to deal with the hassles of childcare - not to mention I would actually enjoy spending more time with my kids.

I think this is probably correct for the larger cities/towns but out where we are in a village in Baselland, we have mittagstisch once a week and are considered fortunate!

I have only worked extremely part time since we moved here, and the problem I encountered when being offered the possibility of a 3 day a week job last year was in what order to do things .. ie do I go for the job (start date was very short, they were in a hurry) and have no idea what to do with the children at the point I have to accept the job, or do I try to locate a tagesmutter but then have no idea what I am asking her to do for me? Tagesmutters are very hard to find around here, so although I could have found full time daycare for the 3 year old, it was the 8 year old who was the problem, particularly with his erratic out of school activities which require someone to ferry him around often quite a distance, where public transport will not suit. This is why I came to the conclusion that a "fellow mother doing me a favour and I'll return it" childcare situation would not work for me.

I came to the conclusion that if I was serious about returning to work, we would do better to move into a big population centre, and that would certainly be my advice to anyone asking me about the possibilities of any type of work (full time or part time) in CH, in the absence of established family support.

I wanted to add that just when you think you have it all figured out...your child then typically gets sick and it all falls apart....

We are blessed with a relatively healthy little one, but this week she has been sick since Monday with no signs of recovery and so hubby and I are juggling and taking turns and discussing who stays home...

I find this is the hardest challenge

And of course there are emergency nannies but I cannot bear the though of my girl at home with a stranger when she is sick... frankly no job/meeting is important enough at that point....

Needless to say, I am the one staying at home the most, as employers tend to understand when women do it versus men, but am not too happy with that...

So yes, it is incredibly hard and takes a lot of will to do...

K

A very nice thread. I am a new mother and on a break but would like to go back to work. Yes sane mothers make happier babies.

Any updates, has the situation improved lately?

Well this recent thread mildly stunned me - I mean you would have thought it was an open and shut case - lunch in school/bring sandwiches whatever but just stay in school. Couldn't believe the negative responses to the proposal!

More fun in the Zurich school system: mandatory lunches to be tested

And this is in Zurich - so I think you can safely say that nothing very much has changed.

On a personal note we have moved to "a big centre of population" (well for CH ) and I simply had to ring and lunches and after school care was offered to my eldest sonat very reasonable rates. Sadly there is no provision for after school care for children with special needs (second son) so I am still working very part time and squeezing in jobs around the school hours.

As a new mom of 14 month old twins - I hate to tell you but I have discovered that you can't "have it all". Child care is a fortune here and the infrastructure for working moms isn't great. Sorry I can't be more help!!

I was also shocked, but keep in mind that the people who are against this measure (at least on EF) were mostly those living ouside of Zurich and/or those who don't have kids at home!

The situation depends a lot on the age of your kids and how much you can afford to spend on childcare, unfortunately. I work full time with two kids (4 and 3), but my salary effectively goes to childcare and taxes. We get very good subsidies from Zurich city for childcare (which you should look into), but minus these costs I make about 1000 CHF per month .

Are things hectic? Yes. We don't have a car, and dropping my older daughter at a day Kindergarten and picking her up takes about 3 hours a day. We shop once a week, cook all our dinners at home, socialize with other families (rotating dinners at each others' houses). We also can't afford any help with cleaning, so that has to be done...occasionally.

Is it worth it? Yes, I think. It definitely keeps my relationship with my husband on a good level (see Do trailing wifes have a better deal? for a discussion) and I like that my daughters see that Mami also has a job. However, I also think that when my daughters start in the local school, with the hort and mittagstisch mess, I will probably try to work part time.

This is the first ever year's break that I have in my career. I can only agree that it does not help me sitting at home. It started initially with 'knowing the baby" and stuff, but over the period of time it takes toll on you and your self esteem. Changing pampers and being super active with baby all the time and matching their energy levels is a hard job.

Also being at home and being full time mom is a cultural thing, unless you have seen it in your childhood and have this culture in your blood,you can't accept that lifestyle to be yours!

It's not always about money. it's about being there in the "market" and not making your skills obsolete!

I hope with so many foreigners in this country, they make some ground level changes especially for women, to have some career choices.

yes will learn and post on how it goes!

Not a very positive thread...it just stinks at times. I actually have an interview coming up in 10 days and besides or because of the fact that I have 3 kids and have been out of work for 9 years, I am a bit scared. And childcare is just one (albeit a large one) factor in all the anxiousness. Do I really want to work? Anyhow, it will be nice to have the interview, and you never know, maybe with some luck, something part time will crop up! The thought of working full-time and the affect it will have on the family is off-putting...

As a kid, I saw both my Mom and dad going to work as we did not have the luxury of our mom being at home all the time.

It was not easy but it helped us in certain ways,

we became a little independent, we learnt which kind of strangers you need to be away from!

we learnt to help our parents in their daily chores. we cared even more the time we got to spend with them.

we learnt something new (both good and bad)from our new friends at the creche

yes there were downsides too, but inthe long run it did help us.

All the best dr mom, hope you find the right job to meet your career and family needs!

There is a really cool book for kids:

The Bearenstein Bears - Mama's New Job.