We still have days that he misses on clean underwear and i haven't started working yet
No jokes! we have stocked up on the underwears like one does for pampers!
My oldest is already worried who will make her lunch if I get a job
Kids ... don't you love them? Such a succinct summary of your worth
Good luck with the interview .. do that at least, then get your worry boots on if you need to after that ..
Interesting for me to read what I wrote 2.5 yrs ago...
Our situation has massively changed since hubby decided to quit his job a few months back and become self employed, mainly to help more around the house/with the kids and have the flex to do so.
If any of you has read the book by Cheryl Sandberg, Lean In, she mentions a husband who helps with kids/house as an excellent career choice. And I think she is right.
I struggled very much up to a few months back with 2 kids and basically being their main carer. They were both in Krippe 5 days a week and i managed all the morning and evening routines with them due to working hrs and it was really hard.
So big changes were made and life is a bit better now but indeed, remains a struggle with the super high child care costs we can only deduct a fraction of, and the hrs to juggle (now that older is in KG we have care from 8-18 only so need to manage that) Living in the city helps though...
I am still convinced for me it is the right choice to work, it is right both for me and my family BUT it requires an effort and a level of organization which is sometimes overwhelming....
K
My situation is slightly different, being a single parent. Basically I deal with living on CHF1500 a moth for the two of us after bills, work strict hours, and am never afraid to ask with help with childcare
I don't know how I do it, but I do. It's certainly not a question one asks when one absolutely has to take care of it all, not having support or family around, pulling off studies on top of that. I think you can do it all, just don't think about it too much, since mulling over some changes in life can make them seem more intimidating or harder to organise, than they really are.
frankly, when i was a single mom, working full-time and going to school full time it wasn't even a thought about how, why, i did it. it was fluid, it was necessary and that was the way it is. you do because you have to- for one reason or another.
at least for me there was no other option- knowing that if i didn't do it- we'd be in BIG trouble and knowing that if i wasn't ultra organized and knew when to call in anyone i could for backup it would make things more stressful and be much more difficult.
it's all about preparing, organizing and being flexible enough to deal with things when they all get eff-ed up. which inevitably happens at some point.
what helps is having a clear list of priorities, child takes precedent over job, job takes precedent over fun ( ) fun takes precedent over extra work, etc etc etc... and having friends who can help and back up plans are a must.
I actually really loved maternity leave (though they were only 4 months), mostly because they were a nice surprise I hadn't grown up expecting (I'm from the US, land of the partially paid 6 week leave-and that's considered a good deal). I don't know how much I would have enjoyed them had they been open ended, however.
My mom always worked when I was a child, so I fully expected to go back to work after my children were born. I was actually shocked when both my mother in law and the people in HR both suggested that I shouldn't be going back to work-the pervasiveness of that attitude was a real eye-opener!
What you may find, though, is how much your own kids here expect you to be around. My older daughter is only in Kindergarten (a full day school), and she's constantly asking me why she's the only kid who always stay for a Ganz Tag. That's a little disheartening, to say the least.
But I agree, it's about long term career choices, rather than what is easiest in the short term.
Job takes precedent over fun! How true! Or at least, how much my idea of what is fun has changed!
Brought up my kids in the early 70s in the UK - and it would have been impossible for me to work either. Youngest started school the term after she was 5 - and before that there was only private playschool from 10 till 12- so was of no help at all! Even when kids were both at school, there was no childcare before or after- but of course they stayed at school for lunch, which did help when I went back to full time study at Uni.
Daughter and sil work very full time + (in the kind of jobs which are very full on) and the only way to do this was to employ a full-time nanny. Even now they are both at school, there is still a big gap before school and after- and whenever a child is ill- and it is hugely complicated.
Here in our part of rural CH, there are heavy subsidies for childcare, and provisions for lunchtime and after school care. Perhaps why taxes are higher here in Neuchatel? The cost of daily child care is 110CHF, 1/3 paid by Canton and a 1/3 by employers fund- so very good value I'd say.
yes- but just the main job- i wouldn't take on extra jobs if it took over my 'fun' time. there too, as a single mom- there isn't the option of handing over the responsibility for a bit like there is when you have your partner around. so yea, usually having fun had to include having fun with your kiddie... or when your kiddie is sleeping... or when you have a moment to yourself and even though you are exhausted you need to get out....or when you have a moment to yourself and you are exhausted and having fun is falling asleep
Sometimes when I hear stories like this I wonder why bother having kids then? Don't get me wrong, I get the career thing - but - if it is that stressful to organize, is it worth it? I don't know if the benefits that I might get from going back to work will be worth it compared to the difficulties that may crop up. Plus, with my littlest in Kindsgi now, I actually have freedom every morning...that is pretty invaluable.
Anyways, obviously I need to figure this out for me, but when I see the shuffling about some close family members have to do to keep working I wonder if it is worth the hassle...
I don't think so. Where you are is the exception rather than the rule. We certainly don't have any of that where we live. There are no provisions for lunchtime or after school care here and it's rare to find places that do offer this.
if I have to take longer breaks say 5+ 10+years of gap inthe career, somehow daily chores would become part of my comfort zone and motivating myself and fighting my emotions would be my worst enemy.
Especially applying jobs in switzerland isn't an easy task even for those who apply fulltime agressively take months or year to find one!
Before I realize,a time would come when the kids no longer need me for basics, nor would the market!
What about all the investment that your parents and you did for your education, university degrees etc. do they hold no value after having kids?
and I fail to understand the point of continuing education if this is not going to be practised in your "job".
Or worse - a lazy, dull witted leach or a cultural throwback. Having been a full time working mom, a part time working mom, and now a stay at home mom I can confidently say that you just can't win the ideological "mom wars".
Sad to hear this
I have lot of respect for those Moms who feel happy to be with their kids forgo their careers and spend their time with the upbringing. I am not just that type!
I am not a super career woman but I want my career space.
And God forbid if something happens to the earning member/ relationship, I would like to be competent enough to do it all by myself!
These are some questions I have struggled with for a long time! I certainly don ́t know the answers. On the one hand, I should work - all that time in school and I might be good at it. On the other hand, I should be home for the kids - they like being home and knowing that I am there for them. As I was working on my PhD I often wondered if it was worth it.
Along the way, this is what I have come up with:
my degree(s) are mine, can ́t take them away from me. if needed, I could find a job thanks to that. the value of the degree is still there, why is the only value from getting a degree due to a paycheck? In my case, there wasn ́t a lot of sacrifices from my parents to pay for my education - grad school got paid for and my undergraduate was also 3/4 paid for from a scholarship. So, money wise, that isn ́t an "issue".
I have to say that I can value an education for its merit even if not needed for a job. and who knows what you pick to study at 18 to be what you still want to do when you are 50? I don ́t see it as a failure to society or my degrees that I stay at home to care for the kids...an education can open doors, which would stay boarded shut without it
It depends. I really look up and talk to the women leaders in my professional world. Most of them have families, and a recurring comment is: "Being a mum helped me being a better professional. I am more organized, I prioritize my time, I prioritize what is important". I think being a mom is enriching, not detracting, to one's personal and professional life. Every single one of them also said "I couldn't have done it without a supporting husband/OH/parents/boss".
The head partner in our region, a wife and a mother, always says "You can do it all, just not all at the same time". The head controversy partner in the firm, a mother of four, put her foot down and was the first partner to work on a part-time basis while her kids were under 10. Inspiring stories, but I think it can be done, and the "secret sauce" (i.e. recipe for success) is different from everyone.
For me (assuming my adoption application is approved, and we are talking 2 years from now minimum as it's an incredibly long process), wth family and OH thousands of miles away, it will have to be a combination of taking advantage of the firm's flex work programs, access to daycare, to backup child care, longer parents/family visits, and willing local friends. I walked through endless scenarios to be able to successfully pass the quite intense questioning of the social worker handling my application - what if this, what if that, etc. Not that I will know what I am doing when (hopefully) the child is there, but if millions of new parents can figure it out, so can I, right?
Having a child (regardless of whether you physically "pop it out" or you raise your non-biological child) is a decision that affects more than the individual, and there needs to be a support system in place. Not once I would think of leaving the workforce though. But I am also realistic, I am not thinking of raising 4 kids alone, and working full time, and being thousands of miles away from my family.
But one little one and a rewarding career...I'll take it!
here it isn't the case for most working parents.
in terms of complications- that's the issue. the complications arise but for me there wasn't ever a question of what to do- of course i want to keep my job but i always (and still do) make it clear that as a mother i can do my job- but life takes precedent. if my child is sick- i have to take care of him. i do my job well, very very well, and if the reason for letting me go was because i had to take off for a sick child or some other valid reason, my employer knows that they would be losing a very good employee for a ridiculous and possibly illegal reason.
at some point, especially where there are two parents working and good salaries- there are choices to be made. having a nanny, if a possibility, is a choice, but you may then end up paying almost a full salary to a nanny. it's all a choice, albeit a difficult one that depends on individual circumstances and feelings and desires. if even in having a nanny or care giver, there are still so many complications- the question of whether this solution is working needs to be addressed.
being here, i have chosen to forgo working a steady job full time, instead working half time and doing freelance work that i can arrange my schedule around. works well but it won't allow many luxuries. though for me, the luxury is being able to do my child's homework with him, to attend school functions and the like. i wouldn't say that parents who don't have that kind of flexibility are any less of a parent- it's always a question of quality and what we do with the time that we have with our kids. after spending years that i didn't have that option of choice- i welcome it now and if the day tomorrow comes and i have to work fulltime again, i know what i am capable of.
that being said, imho, a woman who is working, or not, going to school, or not, there at lunchtime, or not will always face some kind of opinion on what she is doing and what she should be doing. in that case it's always good to ignore it or tell those people to mind their business- as mommies we will always be judged and we will often judge ourselves. best to just do what you believe is best and if it isn't working for you or your child, rearrange the best that you can...
Love this thread! Not sure why i never stumbled upon it before
I think the story of a working mom is the same everywhere if you dont have a family to lean in. I agree with the post which says that it is all possible but not all at the same time. before they start activities i feel it is still manageable with the krippe or kinderhort. we found it tough when my son started activities after school. i maintain a very strict 8-hour time schedule at office and my husband has to do more than what he was doing before. there is absolutely no social activities during weekdays but weekends are still more relaxed. i dont know how it will be as my son grows older. though we pay through our nose for the childcare i am still happy since i know my son is safe and happy with other children