If one is annoyed by their "nagging" wife, they would rather go some place quiet and get some break or peace.. no?
Nagging kind of attributes it to hanky panky and can deter the man. Asian women use this technique, i.e. never let him be at peace
1. your marriage
2. your self esteem
3. his 'addiction'
4. your child
Without knowing your husband or the full dynamics in your relationship, continue to work on your marriage counselling. A man saying "I cant help it" when confronted about going to escorts has a much more serious problem on his hands than a wonky marriage. Individual counselling for his addiction on top of marriage counselling might be more effective.That's #1 and #3 dealt with at the moment.
Your self esteem is probably the hardest to deal with, further compounded by the fact that you have no one to talk to, I really feel for you. Its hard getting family members involved and I tend to rely on my best friends rather than family when I run into problems. You say you have no one, and at the risk of sounding harsh, let this be a hard lesson learnt that you need to build up your own life and esteem outside of your relationship. The most dangerous thing anyone can do is to revolve their lives around their better halves because when the relationship falls apart, they wake up to the realisation that they have no one to turn to. Its a longer and harder road to recovery.
Point #4, regardless of whether he is a good dad or not, he can still be a good dad to your child without you two being married - if he is not repentant. Its tough for the child but he needs a strong mum and role model for positive behaviour as he grows up, rather than someone who is putting up with his dad's repeated nonsense and emotional abuse of being sh!t on repeatedly.
However, dont make the hasty decision of ending the marriage yet - continue with counselling and see where it takes you both. If despite after counselling and he is still repeating the same ole habits, then its really time to walk - for your child and your sanity's sake.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Nagging won't do any god, it will only make things worse if this topic needs to be brought up over and over again.
OP needs to:
a) talk to her husband, and NOW is the time for all the anger inside of her to come out
b) decide if she stays or leaves
If she decides to stay, she seriously need to find the forgivness part in herself and then drop this topic (given that her hubby will stay faithful from now on). Other wise there is no happy ending, it will just keep on burning inside.
OP: You have PM in your inbox, from more than one person I think. I think you should use it, and go and talk to someone. Talk to a stranger is not a bad thing, they won't judge you for what ever decision you end up on taken, and you can even choose never to meet that person again. But it will make you feel better, I promise!
No offense Bertrand, but i noticed that in most of your posts (including posts in irrelevant topics to you like this one) you make some mention of your problems.
Im not saying that your problems are not important, They definitely are. But why mentioning them in every given chance? I dont see why you should bring your personal experiences in another topic when there is a whole topic dedicated just to you.
Sharing his experience about seeing a psychiatrist takes alot of guts and he was just using it to illustrate a point to the OP. Not everyone reads the forum religiously or have the memory of an elephant with regards to some other members business, so cut him some slack for giving context.
Most importantly, how can this be used to advantage by the OP?
Thanks,
Brian.
Due to the reciprocal nature of sharing, those who don't like to share will be put off and avoid the other person if they don't like to share themselves. Whereas, those who do want to share will feel more comfortable doing so.
It could, of course, be that the OP doesn't want to share, but given the nature of this forum that is unlikely.
Brian.
Its not rubbish, its true, actually confessions of some women... who said thats why they do it.
You can finish one relationship and start another one and then realise, its like "Out of the pan and into the fire" Atleast the OP said hes a good father and a husband, except for the cheating bit, so its better the devil you know.
Lets say she takes him to dry cleaners and lets say she meets another Guy, and then God forbid if the next guy turns out to be worse... You've got 2 issues then. Plus she is 38, not 18 or 28.
Believe me, I know what Im saying... there are women who later on in life wish if they had stayed with their besterd partners from before. It doesnt work out for all.
In Golden words of a Lady "All men are besterds, so its better the besterd you know"
Though, it would only work in particuler cultures, where you cant divorce, and hence you have to compromise comply with whatever the "missus" says so that you can have some peace at home
For the record, sane women rather be single, old and alone than put up with any b@st@rds. Whoever your lady friend is, needs to have her head checked.
Of course, the alternative is that you don't define yourself by your status as wife and no career.
The OP had a job and maybe a career before coming here. Maybe that person is more worthwhile than the person that waits on the disloyal spouse. Her choice, and not an easy one.
I know lots of people who made this decision both ways and most say that the decision you make for yourself you can live with. If you make the decision for others you are almost always a traitor to yourself.
As far as children go the evidence is fairly clear on the correct response. What ever makes both parents most relaxed and comfortable is better for the children in the long term. Parents that stay together even though one is abusive or unfaithful do not do their children any good. The problem is that the abusive or unfaithful parent isn't really concerned with the well-being of the family unit or they would have behaved differently to begin with.
While unfaithful doesn't make the spouse evil by definition it does make them self absorbed and unreliable. Whether or not the OP can deal with this situation without poisoning the atmosphere of her children's lives is the issue that needs to be considered. The cheating spouse's needs come dead last.
Just my 2 cents. Hope it helps. It has kept me focused for over 20 years.
Brian.