Child behaviour and discipline. How do you do it?

Family, Education, Health and Pets
1
How do all you parents out there keep your children quiet and disciplined at home or in public spaces (airlines, restaurants, theatres, etc...)?

My wife wants to have 3 kids, I want -1 because I enjoy peace and tranquility, and being able to travel frequently (and not to Disneyland Paris). I am also hugely conscious of upsetting people in public with children doing what only is natural to them, voicing their opinions and being carefree.

I know how my mom handled my brother and I as kids, chasing us down with a wooden spoon and letting us have it at home, and that stare in public that informed us of what might be awaiting us once we got home if we didn't hush up.

I recall how we were once having an argument and she was one the phone, all I remember was one of her shoes flying and smacking me in the face. The scary thing was the phone was in the hallway and I'm sure it was impossible to sit at the landline and chuck a shoe ourway, unless it turned a corner into our room, she was always deft with her shoes.

Like my Grandma used to say

"The only thing you can't beat out of a child is ugliness"

Just kidding though, I'd never lay a finger on a child

It's interesting to see how modern technique boils down to:

a) Let them scream till they can scream no more

b) Let them physically exert themselves into a silent exhausted stupor

c) Try to have a mature, reasonable talk with the unreasonable

What's your weapon (pun intended) of choice?

2
...a good ol' fashion a** whooping should do the job.

Jokes aside, children need to learn discipline from the beginning...I'm not a father but I have coached bball at children's camps. One thing that you need to do is set clear rules and therefore I find your option a and b quite ridiculous. If I want silence, then there ought to be silence. Bribing them with food and toy I find also not suitable as you a rewarding the wrong behaviour. Your option c, the mature talk you sometimes cannot even do with grown ups, thus I would opt for strict but yet loving parenting.

One example from my coaching. Initially, at one camp, the kids were doing good...but there was thing one kid who started to test the waters on how far he can go with Coach Lost-Inbroad_Carter.....so I had the whole group doing pushups and run suicides because he messed up. Needless to say, he refrained from having further brain farts and ended up being the 3 best scorer from that camp.

3
Time out in the naughty corner works for our 2-year-old ... you should see his face when he gets sentenced to 60 seconds on his own in the corner of the kitchen, you'd think his whole personal world had collapsed on him.

4

5
Diversion is the best method of discipline I've found. When diversion doesn't work, just ride it out.

There are many rules for bringing up a child but they seem to change on a daily basis without warning. You will constantly feel like you are doing the wrong thing and as soon as the child can speak he/she will not hesitate to tell you so.

You will constantly self-doubt and mentally beat yourself up. Your vocabulary narrows down to a choice of "Stop it", "No!", "Leave that alone" and "Eat properly."

Having said that, it is so much fun and the good moments do, actually, outweigh the bad ones.

If you think having just one child is going to maintain a level of peace and tranquillity in your life - good luck with that...

6
I said -1 (negative one), think 'Vasectomy'.

7
I could be wrong.. but I thought when the OP wrote "-1" they meant.. minus 1.. but as I said, I could be wrong!

8
There some discussion here about discipline and specifically smacking: A smacked child ‘is a successful child’

The problem is that your mum's (and I add probably most mum's of today's parents - if you know what I mean) variety of child care is now frowned upon in society. For better or worse.

Discipline - it's a myth. Once the children know that you can't really do anything to them, there is no holding them back IMO. To my mind you have to try to earn your child's respect in the long run. Through that (mutual) respect they should learn to copy your "social" behaviour patterns and thus will know when they have done wrong or are about to.

When they are younger... well deprivation, naughty step/chair etc. etc. are all ways to go about it.

To be honest, there is a whole range between right and wrong. Each child is different and more so if siblings are involved. Our oldest is the hardest to "control" in the adult sense (5), middle girl (3.5) sweet as can be (unless in a sulk ) and the youngest (23 mo) too young to reason with.

Coming back to what others think. I remember when I wasn't a parent. I was (very) intolerant of people with children travelling (re: the noise). Now I really don't care about them or mine. We try to keep them calm, but ultimately there is more to life than worrying about strangers disapproving of noise. I also now try to help women (it usually is) I see travelling alone with 2+ children (e.g. through security and getting on and off aeroplanes).

I do, however, remain conscious of noise in "social" situations, e.g. in a restaurant or cafe. In these places I try to ensure that we disrupt other people as little as possible, and I remain (somewhat) intolerant of screaming toddlers and kids in this situation.

9
2 minutes is what the 2-year-old should get on the naughty ______

It's all about consistency - your message (some might say rules) must be consistent and the way both parents apply it must be consistent.

And talk to them. Explain things clearly and simply.

10
2 minutes?! Harsh, Boxman, harsh. That's like a life sentence to a toddler.

60 seconds, that's only 100 lashes and incarceration for 15 years.

11
Yep, tis true. We were advised one minute on the naughty chair for each year of their life.

12
I'm with B'man - I was reliably informed (by the missus so it must be true) that it is 1 minute per year of age.

13
as time ticks by, this might cause issues in your relationship.

don't see the negatives of having kids - see the positives. For every negative you can think of, you will experience hundreds of positive experiences with a child.

14
This is going to be a major stumbling block, where one of you will lose big time.

3 children and 1 child are extremely different lifestyles. You better talk about this with your wife. I have known couples to break up over this issue.

1 kid is very hard work. (I see it in my friends)

They expect ALL of your attention ALL of the time.

You will still be going to Disneyland Paris, but will have to play with the kid the whole time.

3 kids is a LOT of noise and no-one is ever happy because they feel you are giving someone else more attention than them.

You cant afford to go to Disneyland Paris as you need to save for the next round of shoes

Get a dog!

ahh you said -1. See point a) above.

15
I have two, a boy & a girl.

I see an amazing difference in their behaviour when I go through phases of playing really good games with them, loud singing & occasionally play-fighting does the trick (I'm usually a wolf for some reason but I'm also a tiger & a bad dog), sometimes it can last all day for 2 days in a row.

After a good bout of that, where I feel I've had as much fun as them then they will also be quiet when they see I'm quiet after for days on end which is total bliss.

Probably helps that I'm just a big kid at heart though.

16
Indeed, I had heard that. And I'm glad to have it reaffirmed. That's an hour and a half in the naughty corner for my father, next time he plays up.

Are you married to Carlos R?

17
I don't agree with this whole timeout thing. A kid should understand why he/she is being corrected upon his/her behaviour. They have a vivid imagination...all they probably end up doing during timeout is think of Pokemon...Winnie the Pooh...etc.

18
what you described is an age old latin american technique called the zapetazo...it was a favorite in my house as well and when we'd ask what we were getting for christmas, my mom would say "un zapetazo" and we'd laugh and hope to god that wasn't what we were getting, but it was funny.

anyway that's my discipline plan and it's worked for 9 years! a little fear, a lot of love and a lot of laughter. i started out as a really strict parent, because, as a teacher i have seen so many kids without boundaries or limits and it does no good and can be really frustruating. so i was very careful to set strict limits to avoid saying, "no" a million times.

but limits and discipline mean nothing without even more affection and attention. and if my son even began to throw a temper tantrum, he'd look at me and start laughing because he knew this was pretty ridiculous and silly.

the best thing is when he starts to sass and just comes back down to earth and giggles when he's sees my face... and so far, no need for the zapetazo although it's sometimes a threat !

19
the naughty step, though it's a mat in our house, one minute for every year of age, works for us.

20
Oh, my boy understands all right -- he associates naughty behaviour with the time out and doesn't like the latter, so it's effective.

He's never heard of Pokemon (and never will, from me) and I would be delighted it he thinks creative thoughts about literary characters.