Daughter makes eating time a nightmare!

Family, Education, Health and Pets
1
My two year old has never been a really good eater. Since she started with half a year it has been an ever going battle to get her to eat something. We were glad when three spoons went in and they took over half an hour. Now she is two and the problem is still there.

1. We all eat together at the table at the same time everyday. She loves coming and sitting with us but is more interested in moving her plate from one end to the other or using her fork to mix the food.

2. I have tried all kinds of food and when we find something she likes then the next time it gets refused.

3. She just does not open her mouth and there is no way I want to force feed and shove it in!!

4. During the eating times I dont let her snack and only in the afternoon when we are at the playground does she have some apple slices - but only if her bigger sister takes one as well.

5. We let her eat by herself but that does also not help. She more plays and after some time the cat has eaten more from everything that has fallen down.

I am really at an end and when it comes to meal times I know what is going to happen and it takes my own appetite away. Sitting there and trying three times a day seven days a week just takes far too many nerves that I dont have anymore. Our meals go over and hour and in the end I am so frustrated from spending time cooking for nothing. The worst is that at night time she does not sleep through so well as the result of her being hungry I guess. She drinks then water but I think it would be better if she would just eat dinner. She is not underweight but has less cuddles rings than other toddlers. Nothing physically wrong only this stubborn head that refuses to eat!

Need help or some ideas... PLEASE!!!

2
My daughter is the same age and we have the same problem. I've been told she will grow out of this stage, and it is common. The only things that sometimes work are if she eats with another child of the same age or older and sees them eating or letting her eat pasta and pesto - the only food she will reliably eat (well, she'll eat chocolate and ice cream too if I let her!). I can understand your frustration - I too end up throwing food away and it's such a waste particularly since food costs so much. I do give her multivitamins too which she likes.

3
One lil' fella in my life greatly enjoys cooking. I've noticed if he's involved in the mixing of the custard or the washing of the vegetables he's less inclined to fuss. Also, preparing 'Monkey Pudding' or 'Spider Pie' appeals to his sense of the absurd, and glee in eating.

4
Recipe please

And Op, you are not alone so don't worry, it will get better...

5
I have a really stubborn picky eater, too, and you just have to let it ride as they seem to feed off of your frustrations. We switched to hot lunch at school since she was refusing to eat the lunches I made and, amazingly, she eats lunch now most of the time. It's a game of control. She gets a multi-vitamin and the rest is up to her.

My sister once told me that "She isn't going to starve herself" and it's true. Just don't feed the control machine and it gets better...

6
Well, you could try stop trying so hard - almost to the point of ignoring. I don't think it is a big deal. As long as her growth is on par and the dr. is happy with her development, I think you are putting too much stress in the situation.

Sometimes my 2.5 year old eats. A lot of times he doesn't eat a lot. What he does like to eat are scrambled eggs and noodles (not together!) and he drinks a lot. I know I take a bit more of a laid back attitude to a lot of my parenting skills, but really I think the kids will eat when they are hungry.

My pediatrician once told me (especially when they are little) not to worry what they eat meal to meal. As long as they get the good stuff throughout the week, they will be fine! Don't stress out - meal time should be an enjoyment!

7
Those little people whom we love so much; they can be so challenging!

As long as she is healthy weight/height and growing appropriately according to your pediatrician, there is really nothing to worry about; many toddlers go through phases during which they seem to eat next to nothing! Offer healthy snacks when she wants to eat between meals, and don't worry about her intake at the table. Toddlers are better than adults at reading their internal signals that they are not hungry or are full; combined with things such as teething, etc., it could be that your little one is truly not hungry, not that she is deliberately refusing just to aggravate you.

Keep offering new foods a bit at a time; I remember reading that it takes upwards of 10 exposures prior to a toddler trying/accepting a new food. Don't cave to just offering her only her favorites (mac & cheese, chicken nuggets, etc.) in order to get her to eat. As she gets a bit older, involve her as much as possible in choosing and/or preparing food (in an age-appropriate manner, of course) and she may be more likely to try new foods. If she hates vegetables, find ways to add them unbeknownst to her into other foods that she likes such as spaghetti sauce (many resources are available online for hints as to how to do this).

Try not to make this a huge battle; toddlers are notoriously stubborn and she will win by frustrating you every time if you allow this to be a battle of wills!

8
Thanks guys!! I think it already helps me to know that we are not the only one with this problem. Forcing her is the last thing that I would do and till now her meals mostly end up in the bin. I know it is just a phase but as she has been like this since she was very small I was thinking it might be something else. How long might this go on ??

The ignore part we have also tried - I think it just bounces off her and has no effect. She has her bigger sister, 6 years who tries to help me by feeding her but the smaller one also wont take from her.

I guess we just have to sit back and ride this one out hoping that one day it will get better. Thanks for the support!!

9
I don't have much time, I just would like to recommend a book to all parents that are facing this problem:

http://www.amazon.com/My-Child-Wont-.../dp/0912500999

10
If she is not underweight, is there a problem? Does she have plenty of energy during the day? If so, she is fine.

You mention her waking at night and think she may be hungry then. Does she appear hungry at breakfast time then?

Does she drink well during the day? If so, what is she drinking? Is her stomach filling up on water? Or are her nutritional needs being met through milk or other nutritional drinks that may be satisfying her food needs enough? Reduce water intake in favour of other drinks? ( add an egg to a fruit smoothie) Or reduce milk ( or whatever) to see if she will then get hungry enough to eat solids.

If you enjoy spending an hour over dinner, then fine. A calm, family dinner with people sitting round taling and nibbling is not a problem. ( and this is the sort of child we all wish we had when we eat at restaurants

:-) But if you want to clear the table sooner, then that is when she is finished too. If she objects, then she will soon begin to eat faster ( looking at the possibility of a dawdling dinner time being her attention seeking time)

Is she too tired to eat in the evening? Will she eat better if her main meal is earlier in the day ( even breakfast time)

A two year old , generally, can be eating the same as the rest of her family, so it should not be causing extra work for you. Does she show any colour or texture preferences? Does she chew? Or does she prefer food that slides down?

How much do you put on her plate? Many little children are overwhelmed by a plate full of food. If her limit is three mouthfulls, then only put that much on her plate to see if that makes a difference.

If you are stressed at meal time, she probably is as well. Remember that, if she is happy, energetic and not underweight, she is doing just fine. ( and so are you.)

11
I think we all sympathise.

It's a phase she's going through.

Kids won't naturally starve themselves so try not to worry.

She may be picking up on the tension at the dinner table and playing to that which probably doesn't help.

Have you tried preparing the food in a different way? Our two year old wouldn't eat carrots until I cut them into slices with a crinkle cutter.

Now he eats them cut anyway.

Food should be fun. Try Chinese and give her chopsticks one night.

Give her little serving bowls and let her help herself to veg.

Finger food that gets constructed or cooked at the table is also good such as Fajitas, fondue, raclette etc.

But, I discovered that the biggest thing that put a kid off food was to put to much on their plate in one go.

You may find that they eat three times as much if you just put a couple of tablespoons worth on the plate in one go and then repeat.

12
Hi, it must be very frustrating but what I would do is first of all, not to try to give her new food all the time. If you know what she likes, cook it for every meal, it is usually pasta or scramble eggs with peas and sausages. Children are fussy because we want them to eat the same food as us but they don't want, they want simple food. One week she will like courgettes, next week she will prefer grenn beans. And? Why would you continue to get so upset for so little? and when it comes to snacking, why has she got the right to have an apple only if her sister takes one? one should no suffer because of the attitude of the other one. Give her some bread with the apple, and rather than water, give her some milk so she will sleep well. She will definitely and for sure grow out of it. Rather than fighting and being depressed, take it easier, relax, let her eating with her fingers, it's more fun, as eating using a fork comes with having her motorskills being ready for it and it is not before 4/5 y old.

I hope that will help. Good luck!

13
I have the same problem with my 4.5yo but not with my 6yo or my 1yo.

Our real problem meal is dinner. She now successfully stays seated at the table with a plate in front of her. I put only a small amount on her plate. A couple of things she likes and one small thing from my plate I know she doesn't like.

I have put it down to the fact she has a large lunch and after a yogurt in the afternoon she just does not want a big dinner.

14
Hi Charz

I think everyone has given some really good advice. My 2 year old girl is exactly like that right now too. She's definitely "cuddly" though and otherwise she's as healthy as a horse, so we just do what you do - Meal times together and lots to drink (joghurt mixed with milk or whizzed in to a smoothie with banana, a little oatmeal and apple etc works well). She's on a bread + honey phase (well the middle chomped out of the sandwich) at the moment, so she gets that quite often. I beef that up by taking stale bread and soaking it in whisked egg to make french toast.

Otherwise I would relax and let her eat what she needs. If she's playing at the table, maybe it would be better to give her the option to either stay at the table and eat or get down and play. We avoid combining the two. Then if she comes back before we've cleared the table (in our own time) she can join us again. If not, there's nothing else until the next meal time.

Humans are more nourished now than they have ever been, so I don't worry so much about vitamins as long as she gets a toddler sized handful each of 5 fruits/vege a day and healthy snacks, e.g.:

A small slice of apple, 1/4 of a banana, a half a wedge of orange, a tablespoon of home made tomato sauce with pureed onions, garlic and capsicum in it etc.

Our little one tends to enjoy eating spinach, carrot, broccoli etc soups with bread pieces in as well. Just a tablespoon full or two at a time.

500g spinach or broccoli etc

1 potato

1 small onion

500ml water

cube of coop vege stock

Boil until tender (with spinach boil the potatos etc first and add spinach at last minute to blanch).

Puree.

Serves 3-4 with a swirl of cream (added with help from the madame herself of course) and bread.

Hope this helps

Puddy

15
My son is still fussy at 5 he doesnt like fruit.. apparently so we make a smoothie for a snack and he will eat it.

Vegetables can be hidden as he doesnt like these either... home made pizza maybe help choose the toppings and very quick to make. Home made nuggets always go down well I make them for us too but coat chicken in paprika too.

It can be hard but many people have said as long as she is not underweight its ok. I do not let me son have a drink until he has eaten some of his meal otherwise he bloats himself out so he doesnt feel hungry x

16
I read that the other way around - that when the older child is having a snack, it encourages the younger one to also have one.

I agree, that using fingers is appropriate for a young child for some food. However, having recently watched a 9 month old, who grabs the spoon and gets it in his mouth as fast as parents can put food on it, I would still be encouraging that independence as well. ( it's messy , I know.)

Children who have been encouraged to feed themselves, can do so independently, well under 4/ 5 years.

17
my first question would be whether she has bottles of milk. And if so, how much milk is she drinking in a 24 hour period.

My second question would be whether she is otherwise healthy, and growing to her 'curve' (even the 10th percentile is still 'normal' if the child is healthy).

Thirdly, you can speak to the paediatrician. If you are not happy with their answers, you can speak to a different paediatrician. The first think any nutritionist is going to do is to keep a food diary. I found it helpful to focus on the 'yes' foods, rather than the 'wont' eat' list - so if you see them eat anything, you put it on the 'yes' list - they ate it once, you know they enjoyed eating it, so they *can* eat it.

Some kids avoid certain foods because they have allergies or sensitivities, don't like the texture, or had a bad experience with that food.

Toddlers actually eat less than infants. Everything you are describing is normal toddler eating:

Our general guidelines at work (I work in a childcare) are this:

- offer food/drink every two hours.

- no bottles after 18 months (the children are mostly still having one bottle at home morning and night, although strictly this is habit/convenience, not a nutritional 'necessity'...

- water or plain milk only to drink

Basic snacks: vege sticks, fruit, crackers (unsalted, unsweetened), cheese.

Basic breakfast: fruit, toast or cereal, milk in a cup or on cereal, maybe a bit of egg, cheese or butter.

Basic lunch: one carbohydrate option, plain or with cheese or tomato (homemade tomato sauce or tinned tomato is better than tomato sauce)- could be bread, rice, pasta (there are lots of different pastas!), potatoes, corn. One 'protein' option (the carb option also has some protein) - eggs, dairy, fish, meat, beans (tinned beans, fresh beans or peas, lentils). And three different 'veg' colours - carrot, zucchini, broccoli or salad stuff like cucumber, tomato etc.

Don't mix anything together (my kids even have a place with sections, one for each option. They don't have to eat it all - if they clear off all the pasta, they can have more pasta, they don't have to clear the other options...

Offer 2-3 parts of the meal that you know they do eat, and just one 'something new'.

Some research showed that you have to offer a child between 12-20 times before they will try it.

Trust your child. Stop trying to feed them. They can feed themself, they will eat when they are hungry. Food battles just cause food battles, you won't win...no parent wins a food battle.

If you are really worried, see the doctor. There is a specialist eating clinic at the hospital. The first thing they will do is get you to keep a food diary for 4 weeks. That helps them to actually see what is being offered, and any pattern in the eating.

The other thing is that toddler appetites to go up and down - a lot. It helps to see what they are eating over a 3 day cycle. If they eat carbs for breakfast, veggies for a snack, fruit and milk for lunch, have a late afternoon snack of a bit of fruit and toast, and barely eat dinner, that would be a 'typical' way a toddler eats.

Don't underestimate the food they are eating - half a banana, a tub of yoghurt and a few crackers might be enough to get a fussy eater through the day. Then they fill up on bottles of milk and you're pretty much done! - it's not a 'varied family food' diet, but it's a stop-gap until the food battle stops and they get interested in food again.

18

19

This is a really good point. We never try and push food but keep offering it.

We had a risotto this week topped with wild mushrooms fried sautéd with fresh thyme,garlic and parsley.

Our two year old never ate the mushrooms.

This week he asked to try the mushrooms, loved them and wanted more.

20
Do they have Revels here?

Our kid has never been a big eater at all. All the above advice is great, don't stress about it. There were moments with ours when we'd find a magic food that she would eat without much fuss and we'd load her up on that. At 5 she's still a skinny little thing- have to cinch up her pants like hell. But in great health.

Don't stress.