number of guys having problem with father in law
number of ladies having problem with mother in law
And then we continue the debate
We can simply make a voting in EF to count:
And you forgot - number of guys letting wife deal with problem
Hello and welcome to EF.
They do, because they are stuck between two women which love and often don't see the reason to make a big fuss over things like where to put the vase or ...
my previous mother in law was a clown . really , she was . sadly she wasnt half as funny out of the ring as in it and although her intentions were good , threatening me with the police every time i left laundry on the floor or put the ketchup in the wrong cupboard was not the answer.
my latest , and best so far , is an absolute darling and if the mrs bad hare day takes after her i'll be more than happy.
not sure what mrs bhd thinks of my mum , but they seem to get along .
In-Laws round two:
My dear parents in law live 5 hours by car. By car!!! We are lucky if the come to visit twice a year! We did most of the drive when I was pregnant with our first and it was pretty hard. We did few times with her as a new born, young baby and it was very tough. 5 hours by car for a baby who just want to move around was hell.
We told them that and the fact that the place is too small to be comfortable for us to sleep there. The bed available should be throw in the garbage as it is horrible to sleep on and I always end up sleeping on the floor or the not better couch.
They are two grown up adult who can travel light (without baby stuff, kids stuff, toys, etc) they have a very nice and comfortable bed to sleep on and plenty of space. But no, they don't come!
They are too lazy. They have somewhere to stop half trip to rest and instead to just come over, they prefer to complain that they don't see our daughter enough and miss her so much! My mom lives 8000 kilometers away and gets mad to see them not taking advantage of the short distance.
And now, get this, they are now complaining that soon we will move away... We will not go somewhere as close as we are now.
They got us close to them for the last 3 years and didn't take the chance to come more often, and now they complain?
I have been nagging my MIL to come since months, they finally told us that they will come. They are not busy, they are retired and they can't tell us when they will come... Maybe next week or maybe in 2 weeks. Can't you try to be a tad organised? Could you tell me instead of me putting plans and activities on hold because I have no clue if I'll be able to make it?
My husband is angry and I know he is hurt that his parents are not putting more effort to come over. Sadly, they don't get it.
Rant over.
My inlaws are no longer here but I remember when the kids were small , we were both working long hours and lived about 80 miles away from them.
I never forget several times when we got a precious day off, ringing up to say we could drive to visit them, only to get the reply -
"You can't possibly come up this Friday as we always go to Tesco on a Friday"
I always wanted to answer back -" How about just making an exception to see your son & grandchildren and visit Tescos on a Thursday" Grrrrrrrrrr
Yep, for my MIL she doesn't want to miss her TV soap because until yesterday, we didn't have the channels she loves to watch...
It helps to try to see your MIL's basic hopes and fears -perhaps some which she's carried with her for some time: her son being a most deserving child, the wish for grandchildren, the often lonely gap after children leave, her homemaking skills are not needed as much, her husband retires and they have new relationship issues they didn't have when she "owned" the household, and so on.
I suppose if she has a rotten personality to begin with then these hopes & fears will manifest themselves in an ugly way. And that she has these feelings doesn't excuse unsocial behaviour but it can help a DIL to try to distinguish between behaviour to tolerate for the sake of peace (so what if MIL wants to decorate Christmas table every year?) and where you draw the line (let's say, speaking directly to your children about you as though you're not in the room).
IMO the best MILs are the ones who have other things going for them; hobbies, friends, travel, social clubs... presumably if they spend their later years with full lives they've got less need to focus on details of their son's family. If you've got such a MIL, I say count your blessings and forgive small frictions.
I am stuck since 3 days with my parents-in-law and they are driving me insane! My father-in-law is great but a big baby not doing much by himself beside keeping him clean, dressing up and putting food in his mouth.
My mother-in-law is the same kind of your. But with some extras. She is extremely picky about food and wouldn't eat something who doesn't come from ''her book''. She cooks very very well, I love her food. But I can't cook anything myself because I know that she will not like it even before seeing it. If I cook one of her recipe, she will be delighted! But if I want to try something else forget it. My F-i-l will eat it all but she will make faces and comments. Did it, done it, no more interest to try again.
She keeps opening the windows all around the house because it is hot in the house while I am freezing my ass. I am thinking of the money in heating we spend to heat the outside.
She has to tell me how to do what and how with my daughter.
Since they arrived, I have no longer control on my TV and phone. The phone rings 10 times per day for her. And she and my father -in-law watch some very very boring soap on TV every single night. I can't see anything.
The expression my home is your home is taking literally in our case.
She is a sweet heart but I hate this kind of behavior. And I am happy to see them as less as possible. They are wayyyy too high maintenance.
Aaah Nil, thankfully there is 5 hours between you and yours! Imagine if you had to put up with this for every single holiday or vacation. Nightmare. Count the time until they leave and don't feel guilty about b***. I would. I did not have anywhere near the degree of complexities with mine, but at some stage I enjoyed my move to China just to avoid the obligatory weekend conversations about the weather in England!
Oh, Thanks to feel for me! I had such a bad time, the hours were passing so freaking slowly...
I try very hard to not show it to much to my husband but I am very very bad at pretending. And I don't believe that we should hide stuff from each other. He knows very well how I feel about it and he understand too.
I had an horrible time and couldn't do enough to make her happy. She was complaining about absolutely everything. I had planed to do some nice dishes but I did none of them. She doesn't want to try anything new. So I was doing stuff she wanted to do and was following her in the preperation. I made a salad the first night as a side dish with the food she made and she push hers very agressively to my father-in-law plate. With a face of someone who found some shit in there. She refused to eat it because it had cucumber in the salad. Instead to just take them aside and eat the rest of the salad, she just rejected it all together. That was very insulting.
She accepted to eat my spaghetti sauce only after I told her the ingredients. And the rest of the time they were here, I didn't initiate any ideas of dishes that didn't come from of what she is always cooking.
When sunday came, they left early because of the snow... Aww! That early, you are sure?
You are really, really patient, Nil.
My MIL is a little Swiss Witch, so for my own mental health I have to stay away - at least mentally.
Hi NIl, time to celebrate 'liberation day'! Enjoy the return of normal life! And recover
You're free sweet Nil
Back to your babies. You did your wifely duty because you managed to get through it with a smile.
Your MIL will congratulate herself that her son has married a sweetheart, kind and patient and your hubby will be grateful that you didn't say what you were thinking.
Did you know that women have been called peace weavers since the 9th century ? There must be some truth in that
Oh, I love this thread! There are other people out there like me. We have had our bags thrown down the stairs, attempting strangling and the obvious screaming matches followed by floods of tears when you finally snap - oh and my favorite, on taking me to someones house showing me a photo and saying "this is the girl my son should have married", she had taken me to his ex's parents house.
I wanted to share my first insult of the season, she's just warming up:
"well that's what YOU people from Birmingham like to do - PLAY happy families"
6 days of walking on eggshells coming up. Argument prediction day 2
Just pretend to that you could not manage without her.
You must pretend very very well.
Even your tone of voice has to show that you are like a child to her.
After a little time she will start "allowing" you more & more space.
Hopefully!
That is being much more patient than me...
I almost fell off my chair reading that!!
I hope you came back with an equally "nice" retort!
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh don`t get me started