She takes the prize !
I do hope that you're getting loving support and many thanks from your other half for putting up with this delightful person
Wow Dotty, she certainly is a darling
Now that made me fall of my chair laughing
laugh a little everytime she makes a helpful suggestions, it will confuse her!!
Or perhaps role similarities. Traditionally, both women have the role of being the household manager, the caregiver, the cook, cleaner, the person who keeps track of everyones timetables, make the household function. One of those women has more experience than the other.
Perhaps the situation with males would be different if the f in l came to tell the s in l how to run his business, which is more likely to be his career outside the home.
Speaking of men, query: has anyone on EF ever come across a grandfather who has also become the grandchilds godfather?
Dotty..
Just try and grin
When you have kids
She'll be much kinder
until then..
find her a nice card
The result of my MIL-research is that they are simply jealous about the youth, the kids, the fact that you are closer to "her" son than she is. Plus her life is about to incline, while the younger generation, especially when there are grandchildren around. Hubby has a much nice relationship to my mother than I have with his. Besides putting me down at every possibility, she is a very cold grandmother to my little one which is so inexcusable. Highlights of that are: no visits after the birth, no gifts, not even a card. Now with X-Mas around the corner, she suddenly realizes how lonely she is and is pestering me with calls. If there is one thing I really do not like in other people is, when someone only stretches out her hand when in need.
I was in the same situation, MIL would just control and be oppinionated about the slightest detail of our living routine. Solution? After long time suffering either her imposing on us or going ballistic, I discovered that we don't need to inform her in advance about our decisions. That way, she has no chance to interfer. Today, if I have to chane the fridge I speak with my friends, my mom, people that gives me positive feedback, enjoy going by myself through the catalog and, once the fridge is installed and working she would discover the change.
knowing the two of us, she would ask "but how, you changed the fridge!?" to which I would reply with my best smile about the models, performance and inner design of my great brand new Miele
In my experience, after 3-4 such experiences control freaks get that actually you are fine deciding by yourself and move on. I don t want to be unkind to her though, so I selected two topics in which she is brilliant (organic food and healthy cuisine in general) and allow her to advice us as she pleases, even targetting organic food farms selecting where to buy. She feels great being the expert in charge, and we eat healthy and save a lot of time in searching by ourselves!
One day - some of you will be MILs - good luck
And find out that you'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't You wait - just you wait...
never!
Nobody will be good enough for my baby boy!
Yeah, nobody knows, so...prudence. You're right.
In my case, I will anyway be well trained on being damned for all anyway, so I won't mind plus, I ve girls
Trust me, your 'baby boy' will never want anyone 'good enough'. 'Bad enough' is more like it!
Tom
They should stay away from my daughter
Yep - there you are. I feel sorry for the poor woman already
I actually didn't really like my mother-in-law until our son was born. She would often make insulting comments to me about my appearance, etc. (expecting me to dress according to her taste). But now that we have a son, her attention has thankfully focused 100% on him. She is the best grandmother I could dream of. Sometimes she takes him for the weekend, and it's so nice to get that little break. So I now call her "my angel."
Interesting thread. I feel for some of you as your MIL's sound atrocious!
I still don't know my MIL that well. But thus far, it hasn't been a great relationship. Ironically, I had really close and strong relationships with the potential MIL's for past serious relationships. Now here I marry the man of my dreams and his parents are...very different.
My MIL blames me for bringing him out to Switzerland. Whenever we speak, she goes on about how he should never have come here and they advised him not to marry me and come but he didn't listen. We have such a good life here and a wonderful baby with another on the way. His dad has no interest to visit us at all. His mum came once and then told me that my house was too "perfect" and she didn't know how my husband could live in a house "like that." Yikes! So much for me doing a really good clean to make a good impression..hehe.
Even when we were dating, she told him I was out of his league. She said we were not suited for one another with my work and travel. At the wedding, she showed up and in every picture, she's scowling. She complained about absolutely everything that day. I thought maybe I'd get a compliment on my dress, or a one-line speech with a "congratulations" but nope. During her visit to Zurich, she complained about my parenting too.
Culturally, I have a background where there is a strong respect for elders and you absolutely don't disagree and discuss issues. But as a parent, I am trying to shake some of that because I know that I need to say when something isn't good for me and my son. So far, I'm..a pushover with her and just continue on without saying anything when she makes her comments.
My husband has already his scenario of how he will receive the first guy who will want to go out with his daughter.
Some more for your husband NIL
RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a san hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me.
If you need to vocalise these rules, then it is probably closing the stable doors after the horse has already bolted.
My daughter is 8 years old. I have at least a few more years before I start becoming a misandrist.
I don't really know my in laws which is sad .... I've a big family & I love it! Love coming home & seeing everyone .... My husband quite enjoys it too & so spends his time in my family house (we from the same town)
Because we live out here I've never had the opportunity to see his family really. Shame I think!