And all drug addicts started their addiction when they stole a cigarette from their parents? I have a very, very hard time believing that it would be the reading of a stolen Playboy at age 13 that creates a p0rn addiction. If that was the case, 95% of the European population would be p0rn addicts (what is that anyway?).
My Grandad used to keep his mags in the aviary in the back yard. My Grandma thought it was lovely that me and my cousins developed such an interest in his Fire Finches.
I think you just have to trust your instincts and let go. Tell yourself that you should have instilled enough into your kids so they know what is right and wrong.
A 14 year old boy will inevitably be curious about the fairer sex in her lacy undies but, despite your best efforts, a 14 year old boy will get hold of material either with or without your knowledge, if he so wishes.
"Safe and normal" would be a 14 year old boy, who has managed to get his hands on some girly mags, having been brought up to be able to separate this as fantasy and a bit of illicit fun rather than real life.
That's the bit where I think parents come in and guide. Deny all knowledge that it exists and where do you think they will get their guidance from..?
When I was a teenager I could sense that my parents were terrified my sister and I were going to go out and get pregnant, smoke, drink, whatever but they didn't trust their own instincts. They had brought me up to know that these things existed and hadn't sealed me off from it but they had done the job of making me understand they were wrong.
Rather boringly I completed a decent education, got good jobs, had nice boyfriends, got married, agonised over the best time to have a baby and generally planned my life.
I knew pron existed, giggled and sniggered over pictures of willies and boobies with chums but that's as far as it went.
That's to big a leap for me, playboy mag at 14, p0rn junkie adult, I'm afraid, what happened to reason and moderation! I'm far from PC but I'd be wary about calling anyone a perv' or insinuating it. I also would'nt leave anything that could be considered unsuitable lying around in public view as it has the potential to be mis-interpreted.
I remember about 10 years ago the writer John Marsden wrote a book for teenage boys called 'Secret Mens' Business'. Boys at school were encouraged to read it. It is very matter-of-fact and addresses many of these issues for teenage boys.
If I had a 14 year old who wanted a Playboy mag, I would give him a copy of that book to read. Boys need to learn that pornography is neither real sex nor real sexuality. Any 14 y.o who is beginning to develop his/her sexuality will of course sneak a few glimpses here and there.. but I don't like the idea of an adult giving him a copy.. developing relationships should be encouraged, not pornography.
Just my 2 cents..
I am definitely not saying that every teenage boy or girl that reads p0rn will become an addict, but rather was simply giving an anecdotal example of a few lads who started out with innocent intentions and it ended up being a problem for them.
Reason and moderation? I do not think 14 y.o. boys have the emotional maturity to consider moderation. And if you are going to give them a copy of Playboy, why stop there? Where is the line?
No, of course not. But if a child grows up in a home where parents use drugs and offer the drugs to the child, the chances that the child will use drugs and potentially develop an addiction are of course much higher.
Wow, a little bit of persepctive here folks. A 14 year old boy asks the male role model in his life to buy him a friggin Playboy. All of a sudden this has turned into a thread that compares this to paedophiles and heroin addicts. I challenge anyone here (straight or gay) who was not curious about other people's bodies when they were a teenager to stand up and say, yes, I'm the puritanical one here. Sheesh
To the OP: After reading your further comments it just looks like the kid is testing the limits with you. If the boy is being raised in a healthy lifestyle more power to you and his mother. If you're looking for advice, I've given you my 2 bits worth but I'm certainly not going to cross the line of assasinating your character over a couple of nudie pics. Good luck
Ummmm. . . . maybe you missed the previous posts that prompted me to say that. Lynn88 was talking about the evil's of Cosmo magazine, to which I was responding. Not cigarette's and booze. I have no idea where you pulled that from.
But yes, you're right I am 30 now, and I got here without being 14. I totally don't remember what it was like. I totally don't remember the things I did that I wasn't supposed to.
All teenagers are going to be exposed to things that their parents would rather they not be. Such is life. The only thing that parents can do is to try and equip their children with the tools and knowledge to know how to handle the situations that they encounter, because they're not going to be able to be there all the time.
The fact that this kid has an adult that he trusts, that is not his parent, that he can talk to about these types of things is wonderful.
Good Boys !!! I would buy them a copy right away!!!
A famous Swiss man thought when he was 16, that to become a real man, he would have to get caught and stuck in prison, swear,rot,fart,drink and be very much interested in girls. So he took off and did just that. At the end he found it was much tougher then he thought to become a man and maybe that advice of his own father needed some revising ...
Phew! Isn't it reassuring that as soon as one stops being a child in the eyes of the law you can do pretty much anything you want? Heck, you can even join the military at 16 and KILL people before being allowed to drink, visit a prostitute or vote.
Be his friend, say no, get it yourself.