Make your decision carefully and think of the consequences.Florida is not a bad option but don`t listen to me
It looks like he dos not need your support,nor dos he appreciate it
Yeah that would be great, I do and have tried talking to him.
1) he is gone all the time, 11-15 hours everyday.
2) When I approached him about this, he got mad, then didn't want to talk.
3) Even though I still discuss it, it's turned into a fight and tears.
4) I have been given some very good advice on here on this matter, and taking lots of thoughts into consideration.
Though I appreciate what you are saying, this thread has helped, and even the amused ones have found a way to make me smile and lighten me up a bit. Thanks everyone!
i just want to tell you to think about what you do before you do it. not to say he's not a douche bag or doesn't deserve you walking out,
just because when coming at someone it's best to do it when you're not all worked up and aggressive-feeling. if you two are getting all emotional at each other it's really easy to do the back and forth, i'm sorry, don't do it again thing that i think can go on forever. better to calm yourself down, get out a bit and come back to it all when you have made your mind up, not leaving it up to him. it seems you know him well already.
the situation really sucks because he lied to you and you had to find out by means other than from him. the whole strip club and whether that's right or wrong aside, obviously you feel like you can't trust him, and unfortunately whether he did anything or not, you'll never really know.
what he did do was spend alot of money and wasn't honest with you. it sounds like he's done something like this before, you were hoping things changed and they haven't . this is how it seems from what you've said.
my hubby and i have a rule, you want it, we're in it together.if he wants to go, i'm coming and if i wanna go, he's coming or if you want a dance, put on some damn music and let me shake it. it's that easy for us, if one of us went then it is automatically assumed it was for no good. that being said, probably most wives feel like that so if he's going (alone? no friends?) it's because he doesn't want you to know what he's up to.
that is sneaky, and of course he must realize it will break trust. realizing that you left everything to be here, and this is what you have from giving up so much. my own personal advice would be to go back and be with your son and family. why stay with someone who is lying to you and leaving you by yourself when you have a child and the rest of your family so far?
if indeed he really wants to make things better, get himself together and the like, well, he'll become the supportive husband and come to you. personally, i say make your own decision, don't worry to much about what he says and excuses, because in the end it's how you feel that will make you stay or go. regardless of whether he's saying it was nothing or whatever, what if you still constantly distrust and worry?
best of luck, it doesn't seem like an easy time at all, but better to be happy and single than married and lonely.
To clear the air on the subject matter of "2 sides to the story", I am not ashamed to give you his reason he gave me, so you can all decide for yourselves. When I asked "WHY"? he said I nag him too much over the dog, and the lack of time spent.
My response? Well when gone all the time working, and weekends too, not having time together even for a dinner out or a trip somewhere for the weekend, being cooped up in the house all day going crazy, not knowing the language, trying to find a job etc.. etc.. Then not giving me the allowance for the tools needed to care for his dog (ie training classes) that has been hard to deal with (but working in it now).. Of course I would complain! So there is both arguments. Sorry for the nag, I guess I am to just shut up and sit in a corner waiting for him to come home and eat then work some more and go to bed and be fine with an empty life. Sorry... Not my cup of tea.. I am free spirited and very social.. If I am that bad a wife, then let me go! Don't keep me and treat me like this! Agreed anyone?
LOL I have no idea, you asked the wrong person BTW I stopped drinking long after that LOL just because it is no good for you.
Just buggering off when I'd cooked a special valentines day dinner would be enough for me to have a good look at our relationship. Especially as he is often working long hours during the week.
Just as a matter of interest how did you find out he'd spent the 500 and did he confess afterward or before you found the bill?
Your in a pretty tough spot at the moment especially considering you've no close friends on hand. One thing keeps coming through though and that's your humor, you must be an absolute blast when things are going well.
Good luck love and don't take too much ****!
shame, you have some options if you were up for revenge sex: Broken and crushed heart
This is marriage not the relationship he had in highschool! But well it could be...
Wait a minute.... You are not a young woman without life experience at 36 years old.
And you tell us it is not the first time???
How many stuff are you ready to let him get away with before you put your foot down?
I don't want to sound rude or harsh, but it is the time to stand for yourself!
Whatever he tried to "communicate" by ditching you on Valentine's day, going to whores and spending family cash, it is irrelevant. How you interpret it IS relevant. Most people I know (incl. myself) would interpret it as disrespectful and a very blatant way to say how unimportant you and your feelings are to him. He might have a screw lose from all the intense working, he might not be happy in Switzerland, etc..But, life is hard for you here as it is, too. And are you doing destructive things? Nope.
I wouldn't go to the bar. What exactly are you trying to identify? That he didn't cheat? Is that sexual thing so important? Or you are waiting for that last cue, since you still hope he didn't cheat? Isn't what he did already pretty bad? Just face it. Crap happens. You do not have to leave the country, maybe, you can ask at commune for separation. You have tried hard enough to make it work here, why would you have to change your life yet again, just because your Mr. husband couldn't keep his vindictive schlong in his zipper....I would stay away from any fights, any begging him for explanation, confrontation. He sounds awfuly imature. He knew what he was doing and what it can destroy. The sad thing is, he might not want your relationship work and is not open about it.
Good luck, girl, sorry it hit you hard. There are indecent people out there, even if you don't want to see it since you are still in love or hope he is alrite. That phase can go for a very long time, I have a feeling next thing will be you come home from groceries and find him and some lovely chick under comforters together..There are people, who unfortunately do not value having home, healthy family, fun and spunky wife..Let him do some soul searching to figure out what he wants.
quoting George W Bush:
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...well you won't fool me twice.
Think about what you want Sweetie, do you want to live your life like this forever or not? be honest and true to yourself.
I can't be arsed reading the whole thread but I would dare to suggest that 500 francs for one person in a cabaret bar will get ye olde tente pole polished. 500 francs, however, for 5 guys just drinking beer will get 5 beers.
If he came home drunk, there can be little surprise that he spent so much. The 20-25 franc beers are usually 33cl bottles. Factor in the fact that he's been convinced to buy a "dancer" a half bottle of champagne for 200-up then it makes sense.
Your man, if he says nothing happened, trust him unless you have nothing else to hint otherwise.
I believe the speech you are quoting is this one, starts at 0:45 but most of them are still worth watching!!
Haha he knows the saying well.
See but I really dont understand why even that is okay?
Spend the 200CHF on your wife, or at least on your dog that desperately needs training.
consider being there for the first time and sucked in. It doesn't make it right but if you're not knowing what to expect, you can be agreeing to something without knowing what's going on.
The champagne desperately needed stirring, that's for sure
Hang on ... let's get to the crux of this matter, was something open on a Sunday?
Err I understand your point
I would still be p!issed
And if it was me who did it (pretend that makes sense) I would be dumped for suuure.
Dear - I was only joking - of course it does not make it right - but glad you got a smile - I was trying to make Derv smile...
Derv I don't know you and judging by the people who keep giving you a hard time on EF I am sure you are a nice guy, but this comment is kinda naive...
The time I went to the strip club in TX for a bachelor party I was very worried I'd get a boner and not be able to leave w/o everyone noticing. I was surprised to find that watching the naked women left me cool and unaffected - it was still visually interesting. The lapdance was different - because she kept eye contact with me and I had placed my hands palm up on my legs which she was gliding over - so while actively touching her was not allowed she controlled how much I was touching or not - it was hot but not because she was naked but because of this "presumed" connection - it made me feel special - of course she was only doing her job... we men are simple creatures - I read in Coelho's book that prostitutes who moan get more repeat customers and tips - well duh - the man thinks he is so good he could get a prostitute who turns 10 tricks a day excited - he is such a stud.
I used to be intimidated by drop dead gorgeous girls and not dare to talk to them - well turns out most of them are not what they seem.. they are usually either full of themselves or boring... what makes a girl desirable is the charisma that is discovered when you get to know her - the flirt - the kiss.
For me a brothel is just not even an option - the girls there do not kiss and even if they did I would know its all just acted and a job.. making a special connection with someone is just so much hotter than any of the screen-savers of hot booty you may have collected so far. Its a mind game - a hunt - whose climax is not food but sexual fulfillment and a recharge of ones self-esteem. The combination of this intellectual connection with sex is the non-plus ultra - comments like yours - while somewhat admirable in their naivete are probably only going to hurt your rapport with the ladies instead of help it...
just my two cents - but then I have been out at a wine tasting and may regret this post tomorrow...
Considering the fact that this guy supposedly went to "shop" for a V-days present, I'm thinking this happened on saturday, and that was also the day they were meant to have dinner together.
Very true - and I wouldn't show him this thread - the thing is that even if we gave you all the correct answers (wouldn't count on it), you would not follow our advice anyway unless you yourself came to that conclusion. You know your man (apparently not as well as you hoped) - you know what its worth it to you - be honest to yourself and assess your situation and future with this guy then make your choice - I'd dump him, but I am not you.
and then whatever you do - come have some drinks with us - that's about the only thing we do well