I was reminded of this question from the open changing cubicles thread.
My son is 8 and attends swimming lessons on a weekend. When I periodically take him (his father) I use the mens changing rooms with him, though I’m not swimming.
My wife uses the female ones, she doesn’t want him on his own in the mens, which i get. The problem is that a couple of ladies (in the bracket of ‘older’) complained about this to my wife; that they do not feel comfortable with him being in there.
Our instructor said this was silly, and to ignore. I think so too, he’s 8… he’s not looking and isn’t interested in anything other than getting changed asap and getting into the pool (he loves swimming).
Personally, I don’t think it’s a problem this far before puberty, but I can’t say I don’t understand that it makes someone else feel uncomfortable. I just don’t know if we should ignore it, or I take him every time rather than his mother. What do others think?
Our local pool has a sign up saying boys over 7 have to change in the men’s changing room. However, I still took my son in with me probably up until he was 9-ish. After that he didn’t want to be in the ladies’ changing area.
I would just ignore it. I doubt the women would make a complaint or, if they did, it wouldn’t go anywhere unless your son was behaving inappropriately.
But what’s the problem with the boy going to the men’s alone? (provided he’s fine with it of course) You don’t say he’d mind. In a way you seem to find a problem where there’s none, just like the complaining women.
This is not about you and not for you to decide, I’m afraid. It’s the lady’s changing room and if they don’t feel comfortable with it, that’s that.
You wanting an exception from a reasonable rule (f and m = different changing rooms) due to you not feeling comfortable about the boy being in the men’s and then pondering, whether to ignore the ladies not feeling comfortable is a bit strange.
And then mentioning that the ladies are older is an other unnecessary thing. What should we think? Nothing nice to see for the boy anyway? Or older ladies (what’s older, 40? LOL) shouldn’t comport themselves as if they were still considered females?
I am a bit surprised your wife did not tell you this, tbh.
Seems to be pretty standard until at least the age of 7-ish. Most younger kids are pretty good at getting themselves dry and dressed (thanks Swiss kindergarten!) but at that age they still need a helping hand or, as a mum, you are standing outside the changing room for ages offering words of encouragement and “are you going to be much longer…?”, then sending them back 15 times to fetch the towel, goggles, sock, action figure that they’ve left in there.
I personally would be more concerned about my 8 year old looking at naked, 70 year old women rather than the women looking at a 8 year old kid. If I were you, Id definitely ask him to change in the mens changing room and your wife waiting outside. But yeah, agree with you its silly. But then again, plenty of silly people out there
He’s shown no interest in that regard, and my wife tries to pick a quiet area to change.
But I dunno, given the mixed responses here I’d err on the side of my taking him in future, or yes, having him change in the gents himself. He can of course, my wife just preferred that he was accompanied, but that’s a different conversation that I’m not so interested in having.
No, I didn’t anticipate being challenged on that because I didn’t think it relevant to the question I was asking.
My wife prefers that he’s not alone in this situation. As simple as that, and for the why, that’s maybe not something I agree with nor wish to discuss.
Simply a question about what others would do, in this country.
Well, I’m surprised you don’t realize what you are saying.
“We don’t feel comfortable”, so we do something which is clearly not according to customs (the signs on the doors indicate that)
The people we barch in on, who are entitled to rely on the rule/customs said quote: that they do not feel comfortable with him being in there /quote
“Our instructor said this was silly, and to ignore”
“Personally, I don’t think it’s a problem this far before puberty”
It’s not about changing rooms. Or ladies.
It is about you feel uncomfortable. To remedy that you make other people feel uncomfortable. But them feeling uncomfortable is silly, can be ignored as you personally think it’s not a problem
The point to my post is this: On the one hand it shouldn’t be an issue due to the boy’s age.
But it is, and that other woman is well in her rights. Acknowledging that, and as long as the boy is comfortable changing on his own, it’s difficult to argue why your wife’s personal preferences should overrule that elder woman’s. It would be an entirely different thing if the boy couldn’t manage (for whatever reason), which is why I asked (and I still think it’s a fair question).
Tony, not everyone here thinks your question is an unreasonable one. At the risk of bringing the furies upon me I think a certainty amount of give and take is necessarily in these situations. Feeling ‘comfortable’ needs to be weighed against the valid needs of others in situations such as yours.
And how does one tell the difference between an 8 year old boy and an 8 year old girl when their backs are turned. Perhaps the uncomfortable woman just doesn’t like children.
Exactly, you can understand if the kid is very young as they cannot do it on their own. At some stage they should be able to manage on their own and I guess this is typically around 7-8 so the kid in question is around that cut-off age, so at the age there might be most conflict in expectations.
I guess another way is for the kid to get changed beforehand then they just need to take off their outer wear and go. An alternative if the kid can’t be trusted to lock everything away is to have them change and then bring the stuff out and the parent can lock it away.
