A few weeks ago, what was a normal Christmas morning turned into a beautiful celebration as I unwrapped a ringbox-sized gift and looked up to see my OH down on one knee in front of the Christmas tree.
A cynical person would assume he was only asking to make use of my EU passport, but I like him so I’ll allow it
So now I’m in research & planning mode, and would like to ask for advice / suggestions. We do not want a big event for various reasons – family spread all over the globe, it becomes expensive very quickly for a singular day, and neither of us enjoy being the centre of attention. So we thought we’d elope, maybe to somewhere pretty in Italy, and just get married quietly where the day will just be about the 2 of us.
I’d like to hear your experiences and advice, particularly if you eloped: Was there anything unexpected that made the day particularly memorable for you? Was there anything that you arranged which, in hindsight, wasn’t worth the effort? What were the greatest expenditures and were they worth it? Do you have any advice for us?
I’ve already had people tell me that a good photographer is a must, which makes sense to me (budget-dependent). I’m not sure what else I should be focusing on. I haven't even started looking into the formalities yet - I am a citizen of 3 countries and resident in a 4th... no clue what to do with that side of things!
No idea about eloping but personally I would choose either the place of residency of one of you or a place of citizenship for the actual wedding itself to minimise the bureaucracy and focus more on a lovely honeymoon for the two of you afterwards.
Congrats, Jess! Sage advice from Belgianmum...we were married in a dream location and have had to chase after the authorities to replace our apostile marriage certificate, which periodically threatens to self-destruct from ageing ink. I could have sworn I heard Calypso music and a hot tub splashing when I called to get a new copy. Best choose someplace more reliable.
We thought about getting married here but found the process (for two foreigners of different nationalities) to be complex. How does one actually prove that you aren’t already married? AFAIK there is no list of bachelors of either Gender. Certainly not here, nor in our home countries.
Eventually we gave up and got married in the church my wife to be sang in the choir as a youth. I needed a special dispensation from the Archbishop of Canterbury but that was a doddle to get.
My wife managed to invite a hundred, or so, of her friends and relatives, we invited 25, or so, friends from here, and six of my relatives came.
No issue turning in the marriage license to the commune, their biggist concern was getting a copy of my wife’s new passport, as soon as she got it.
A tip for your planning. Make sure your tickets are issued in the names you will have in the passports you will be travelling on!
We had no wedding as such, as all our plans were wrecked by an accident- the second in a few months. All I am saying, is that the wedding day is not really important. Saying this 51 years later. Have a fabulous day, but don't get trapped into the 'best wedding of the year competition' x much better to put money into a very special trip, or house, methinks.
One of our nieces eloped, and they did the ceremony with a wonderful dress and suit, flowers, etc. She is a Model with a famous London agency. She says it was the best thing they've ever done.
Talking about paperwork- we had to get married in hospital in CH, with just the Registrar and our 2 witnesses (OH's brother and my best friend). Best friend and OH went to register the wedding at the British Embassy in Bern- and they were made to wait quite a while. Then the person returned and said- well we can't register this, as you (OH) are not British!'. Oooops. He was born in Cape Town and emigrated to UK when he was 2- and his parents never did the necessary paperwork when SA was kicked out of Commonwealth. We often think about the Windrush people now, 1948 too for OH.
Thank goodness it was all sorted out in London within a few weeks- but wow.
Suggest you both first decide which country you wish to do the legal deed.
Research what legal documents you will both need to produce. Some you can organise to acquire now. Some may only be done closer to the date.
Some documents may need to be translated by an Official recognised by that jurisdiction.
In the UK I had to get 'Apostille' stamp, seal certificate for each of my UK documents. The cost per document £30, plus additional costs for courier or agent, plus the time turnaround to allow for.
Advice, two people are getting married, if they turn up all good.
Hope you come back here on a future date after the event to let us know it went well.
Thanks so much for the well wishes and advice, everyone
It sounds like, paperwork-wise, it'd be easiest for us to do the formalities in the UK (where we are both citizens). We'd still like to do something a bit elegant somewhere, but it can be a symbolic event rather than a legal one.
i have known a few people who did a quiet legal marriage, then had a symbolic party another date. Very much depend how many you would like at it, where . what, how.
Same as you, I didn't want a big wedding. I married my ex husband at Salzburg registry office, which is the Marble Hall of Schloss Mirabell just before Austria joined the EU, and had the church ceremony 3 days later at the Franziskanerkirche in Salzburg. https://www.salzburg.info/en/magazin...abell_a_273514
We didn't elope. There were just 10 of us at the wedding, but almost triple this at the evening dinner with friends we'd made during our time there.
I would ask what you mean by 'elope'?
My aunt eloped for no good reason and it caused a lot of bad feeling in the family. Two years later, I was named after her to reunite the family.
Now hear me out. We are not 'Vegas' people, but I had been once before, for work and I knew you could 'do' Vegas the way you want to.
We stayed at the Mandarin Oriental (Which is a non gaming hotel), which unfortunately doesn't exist anymore, but I have stayed also at the Four Seasons, which is wonderful (and also not a gaming hotel)
In the days prior to the wedding we got all the paperwork out of the way, which wasn't difficult.
On the day the hotel gave us the use of a Mercedes limousine, which took us to the Little Church of the West (Where Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford got married) and the ceremony took place.
Afterwards the car took us to the Wynn hotel, where we had the most amazing seafood lunch, sitting on the patio besides lush trees.
For the rest of the day we spent time at the pool of our hotel and in the evening we went for a wonderful meal and went to see a show.
We had originally tried to organise a traditional wedding, but in the end it didn't work out. I don't regret for a minute the way we did it and it was an amazing experience. It's also fun telling people and watching their disbelief turn into shock, but it does get a bit boring having to say "No, Elvis didn't marry us"
Congratulations, may you have a long a joyous life together.
IDK, eloping always seems a bit sad to me... why would you not want to celebrate what is probably one of the most important days in your life with your friends and relations, those that love you?
After 30 years, I could not tell you much about the actual ceremony nor what we eat at the meals, but I do remember the people - the Irish priest and the Swiss priest communicating in Latin because that was the only common language they had in common, the crazy speech my brother-in-law made, the jokes that were told and the conversations that were had.
When we all meet up, we talk of the times that we had not the venue, not the food and not even the weather... I could not imagine it any other way.
For me personally, I have major anxiety and being centre of attention is my worst nightmare. Even with family. The thought of a wedding made me feel sick.
For others, maybe they have family or friends that don’t get on with each other and it makes it a nightmare. Some people just don’t want the expense.
The great thing about a wedding in UK, is that the ceremony can take place at 1000s of very varied venues, Hôtels, but also Castles, gardens, and all sorts of quirky places of all sizes, and prices.
I can understand why it seems sad. I used to think this too - how my parents would be really sad not to share the day with me, etc. But once I actually started to think about organising the whole thing, it got overwhelming quickly. Logistically - we have family and friends all over the world, and wherever we chose to do it, someone would be upset that they couldn't attend. Cost-wise - as soon as there's a 'wedding party' it seems to increase exponentially! We're pragmatic people, it's still just one day. We would rather spend money on adventures, sport, travel, or our new home.
But primarily it's what Island Monkey said. Neither of us enjoy being the centre of attention, in fact it's quite anxiety-inducing. Walking up an aisle with everyone looking at me, saying our vows in front of tons of people... none of this makes me think of joy or happiness. It just fills me with discomfort. So ultimately if we did it this way, it would be for other people's benefit, which seems counter-productive.
(Ironically, a big part of my profession is to lecture, which I'm perfectly comfortable doing in a professional context. It's only when the situation is personal that it makes me anxious - perhaps because it's unscripted? Who knows).
What we'll likely do next time we go to Australia is have a big celebratory dinner party, where I'm sure we'll create all those memories you speak of lovingly.